Locks of Love

I've been growing out my hair for several years with the eventual intention of cutting it all off and donating it to Locks of Love, a non-profit organization that makes wigs for children in need.  I didn't want to cut it while I was pregnant because I was afraid my face would get chubby and short hair would only accentuate it, but once I had Nora and my hair started coming out in clumps, I decided it was time to make the change.  Locks of Love requires that you send in a ponytail at least 10" long in order to use it to make the wigs, so it's a pretty significant difference.  Here are some photos of the chop:

Before:

After:

I've had a haircut similar to this in the past, and I've worn my hair short for most of my life, so this feels like less of a change than it otherwise might.  My hair is always thick and healthy and pregnancy made it even more so, but so far I don't miss it at all.  It's much less work like this and it's hard to regret shipping off that hair to make a wig for a little kid who suffers from a disease that causes long term hair loss.  After fighting an unruly mane for my whole life and fighting pregnancy hormones for nine months, it feels good to put those things to good use!

Good News

Just wanted to post a quick update to let people know that Nora had a good visit to the pediatrician today.  She continues to gain weight (she's up to 10 lbs, 4 oz now!), she hasn't had a fever since Saturday, and her lungs are evidently sounding better.  We were reassured by this information, which corroborated our sense that her mood is improving.  He also confirmed that though Billy now seems to have caught Nora's virus, she is not really in any danger of getting sick again as a result.  Last night Billy and I agreed that this past week has felt like the longest one of our lives, and then we realized that it probably is the longest week of our lives, given how little sleep we've gotten.  This is not how we had hoped to spend the last two weeks of Billy's paternity leave, but I guess the best we can do is take each day as it comes.  This has been a very trying time for us, but we want to thank each of you who has checked in to see how Nora is doing and how we are holding up as we care for her.  Your love and concern have helped us, especially in those moments where Nora's illness has felt completely overwhelming.

I also visited my OB today for my six week post-birth checkup.  He told me that I have made a full recovery and gave me permission to resume all my regular activities.  It was fun to see him again after having him deliver my baby, and he was sorry that Billy and Nora had to stay home.  As I was leaving, he told me he hopes he is on call for my next baby because I "made things so easy on him," so that made me smile.  All throughout my pregnancy, I had an internal monologue running about how terrible my body was at being pregnant.  Though my pregnancy was healthy and low risk, I felt like I still managed to dabble in an unusually large percentage of the difficulties associated with pregnancy.  Today's visit, though, made me stop and appreciate how just how well my body has recovered from pregnancy.  It is nice that almost all the pregnancy weight came off without any effort on my part, but even more than that, I am thankful that I've felt great basically since the moment Nora left my body.  Since I hope to go through this one more time, I think remembering how well my body bounced back this time will help me endure the pregnancy phase.  And if this body feels a little rusty when I go for that first run, I will try to remember to be a little more forgiving toward it than I otherwise might be.

I have always been a very healthy person, so for most of my life I took that health for granted.  This past year has taught me just how precious a healthy body is, and though that lesson has been a difficult one to learn, I am thankful to have gained this perspective.

How Nora Jane Got Her Name

For the past few years, Billy and I have been tossing around baby names and have a few narrowed down... for boys.  When we found out we were having a girl, we had no idea where to start, but we did have a set of requirements.  We've both spent our entire lives clarifying our names ("Elizabeth?" "Here, but it's Liz"), so we have always wanted to give our kids names that did not lend themselves to nicknames.  We also have common names, so we want our children to have names that are fairly uncommon without being too obscure.  We felt like our daughter would be kind, thoughtful, and probably a little nerdy but with plenty of spunk, so we had to find a name that seemed like it would fit those characteristics.  Obviously, the name had to sound good with our last name, and there were plenty of names we couldn't consider because we had bad associations with them (especially since I taught high school for several years).  I also had a few other less important preferences: I thought it would be cool to give the baby a name with a good literary heritage, and I was hoping there would be a nice song featuring the name.

So we developed a system for considering first names.  We would search for and think about names we each liked, and when we found one, we'd propose it to one another.  If one of us suggested a name the other also liked, we'd "put it on the list."  Once there were around five names on "the list," we actually wrote the list down and Billy and I ranked the names separately.  If any name ranked too low between the two of us, we'd take it off the list, and if we found new names we liked, we'd add them.  (I hope people are laughing to themselves after reading this description.  I'm pretty sure most people do not develop an analytic formula for baby naming, but it is definitely the kind of thing we would do.)  Sometime in May, I suggested "Nora" and was excited when Billy told me to add it to the list, but we hadn't yet re-ranked the names, so I wasn't sure where it stood with him.

Nora was my personal favorite when I went to California for Dad's Lompoc memorial.  While I was there I stayed in Mimi and Papa's middle bedroom, and Mimi told me that a woman in one of the photos was a relative of ours from a few generations ago named Nora.  This caught my attention because I didn't know we had any Noras in the family.  The next day, when Billy and I were talking on the phone, he said "You know, my mom mentioned the name Nora, and I was thinking I really do like that name the best so far."  So I said "That's funny, because my grandmother showed me a picture of a family member named Nora yesterday, and I thought the same thing."  So we decided that Nora would be our preliminary frontrunner.  The last time I'd been in Lompoc by myself, Billy and I had decided independently of one another that it was time to get married.  I came home from the time apart and told him we should get my ring finger sized, and he responded by laughing because he had already purchased my ring while I was away.  Clearly, decisions we make after considering them separately while I am in Lompoc turn out to be good decisions. : )

So after Nora became the frontrunner, I discovered a whole series of reasons I liked the name:
Nora is well outside the top 100 names for the past few years, and its even less common in our part of the country.
Nora in Henrik Ibsen's "A Doll's House" is a woman ahead of her time.  When she realizes that her husband treats her like an object (a doll, specifically), she leaves the marriage, claiming she needs to figure out who she is and what she should do with her life.  I don't want my daughter to feel like she has to live an unsatisfying life in order to accommodate societal norms, either.
Nora Barnacle was James Joyce's life partner, muse, and eventually his wife.  My favorite story about them is that he once wrote "I think I would know Nora's fart anywhere.  I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women."  It reminds me that the longer I am married, the more I realize that the true nature of intimacy is rarely captured in cliche phrases but can sometimes be expressed in the most bizarre ways.
Nick and Nora Charles are a married crime fighting duo in the "The Thin Man" film series.  I don't know these movies well, but I understand that they have a dynamic partnership and Nora is a bit of a firecracker.  Plus, my grandfather loves these movies.
One of the baby naming websites claims that Nora might come from the Arabic word "noor" which means light.  Billy and I both liked this idea, since her conception and impending arrival was a light for us, and especially for my family, during the very dark time following my dad's death.  (Incidentally, it doesn't matter to me that I don't believe this is where the name comes from-- I think it's mostly a disambiguation of Eleanor or Honora.)

So after Nora held frontrunner status for a few weeks, Billy and I were looking at wood letters at Michael's craft store when Billy said "Let's get the letters for Nora's name."  "Does that mean we are officially deciding on Nora?" I asked, and he said yes.  It just seemed like the right choice.

Deciding on a middle name felt much more difficult.  We ruled out names that started with vowels because we didn't want her initials to read NOD, NAD, or NED.  We searched high and low for names we liked that sounded good with Nora and found that we liked single syllable middle names best.  We decided there are two very notable times that a child's full name are used: when she is in trouble and when her name is announced at graduations.  We practiced saying the name pairings we liked in the tones of voice used on each of these occasions.  I had originally suggested Jane because it sounds like the female version of James, which is the middle name that is shared by my brother, my dad, and my grandfather.  I also liked that this would make her initials NJ, which are my brother's initials, since Nora would be the first child of her generation in our families just like he is.  We weren't sure, though.  I think it was one night while watching Louis C.K.'s tv show, which features a plucky young daughter character named Jane, that I said "Billy, I really think I just like Nora Jane the most" and he agreed that it was the best combination we had come up with.  We felt so relieved to have chosen a middle name that we decided, once and for all, that Nora Jane would be her name.

After we announced her name, people began asking us if we were going to call her "Nora Jane" or just "Nora."  For me, that felt like proof that the names we'd chosen sounded right together.  And though there may not be a love song about a sparkplug named Nora, I can still sing our little one to sleep by changing the lyrics of the James Taylor song to "Rockabye, sweet Nora Jane."

And now that I've finally gotten her to sleep for the third time tonight, and finished this blog post I've been piecing together for three days, I can get a bit more rest before her doctor's visit.  : )

Update:  My grandmother informs me that the Nora in the photo in her middle bedroom is her father's mother-- or, in other words, our baby Nora's Great Great Great Grandmother.  : )

Nora's Birth Story

On Thursday, October 13, Billy and I went to my OB for my 39 week check-up.  We were seen by a doctor we hadn't met yet, and though our experience with my OB group has otherwise been very positive, we were discouraged when she told me I had an "unfavorable cervix."  After the visit, I emailed  an update to my mom and a few others, telling them I was upset because I felt I was progressing even if this OB didn't. I ended the email with "Then again, maybe Baby D was just looking for a chance to prove someone wrong, and this visit will speed her up."  Famous last words!

A few hours later, at 12:30am, I woke up in pain.  After deciding these contractions might be the real thing, I woke Billy up to have him time them for me.  Most of the contractions were about 5 minutes apart, but they were not a full minute long, and their length and duration varied.  I told him to go back to sleep, and though I tried to do the same, the pain was too distracting, so I got up and started getting things together for the hospital.  Around 5:30am I woke Billy up to keep track again, and by then the contractions were very regular.  At 6:30, I was trying to decide how long I'd wait before calling the doctor when I experienced a very strong contraction and my water broke.  Decision made!  As soon as the doctor heard that my water had broken, she told me to come to the hospital.  Billy and I finished getting things together, called Vickie, and headed to the hospital.

After being admitted by the triage nurse, we were anxious to see which doctor would be coming on call at 8am and were excited when Dr. Penn popped in to ask, "Are we going to have a baby today?"  Billy and I had appreciated his good humor, laid back attitude, and straightforward answers in our office visits with him.  I was similarly thrilled when the initial check revealed that I was already between 3 and 4 centimenters dilated.  We met our delivery nurse, Lora, who got us into a birthing room. Vickie arrived shortly thereafter to offer her support.  Though I had been nervous about the medical staff respecting my wishes regarding a natural childbirth, Lora and Dr. Penn were extremely supportive of my requests.  I was put on intermittent fetal monitoring, I was given a heparin lock but was not attached to an IV, and I was given one of the largest delivery rooms, which allowed me plenty of room to move around.  I was also permitted to walk around on the floor as much as I wanted.

From that point onward, my sense of time became fairly disoriented and my memories of labor are not particularly linear.  The contractions grew increasingly worse, as I expected they would.  It also became more and more difficult for me to endure contractions while sitting or lying down.  While kneeling over the bed or standing, the pain was fairly isolated in my belly, but if I was sitting or lying, the pain surged up through my whole body and burned around my tailbone.  The strategies I'd learned helped me endure the contractions in the standing and kneeling positions, but those positions made it difficult to relax in between contractions, so I felt myself getting worn out.  I also hadn't slept well Wednesday night, and hadn't taken a nap Thursday, so I felt like I was more exhausted than normal before I even went into labor.

The support I got from Billy and Vickie did the most to help me endure the difficult contractions.  Billy helped me remember the things we'd learned in childbirth class, gave me periodic suggestions, and gave me constant reassurance that I was doing a good job.  Vickie encouraged me to hang in there, and her medical knowledge and calming presence made me feel at ease when interacting with the hospital staff.  Both of them were there to support me physically, as well, whether I needed a reassuring touch to help me relax or a strong shoulder to brace against during a bad contraction.  They also helped ease my tension and anxiety, and hearing them casually interact with one another helped to take my mind off the pain.

The other thing that helped me endure were the mental strategies I had been preparing for the past few months.  Our childbirth instructor told us to remember that "an intense contraction is an effective contraction," so I repeated that to myself when the pain got bad.  It also helped to visualize my cervix thinning and opening up as a result of the pain.  When it got hard to breathe, it helped to recall all those times I've been on long runs and have willed myself to keep going.  I also imagined the contractions as similar to weightlifting sets at the gym.  When it began to feel like too much pain, I kept telling myself just get through two more contractions.

After several hours of laboring in the hospital, though, it did get to be too much for me.  I asked if I could get into the tub in hopes that it might relieve some of the pressure, but my doctor asked me not to do that because my water had broken so many hours prior and he did not want me to risk infection.  I asked for a cervical exam because I was beginning to feel like I needed some pain medication, and I was discouraged when they told me I'd only progressed to around 5 or maybe 6cm dilation.  Lora told me that Dr. Penn had ordered me a dose of an analgesic pain medication that could be administered via IV if I needed it, but because I knew about the risks associated with the drug and the way it crosses the placenta to reach the baby, I told Lora I wanted to keep trying to make it without the medicine.

At that point, I kind of withdrew within myself to give some serious thought to the decision.  I was very committed to a natural childbirth because of the benefits it affords the baby.  But I also promised myself early in my research that if I passed the point of being able to endure the contractions, and I found myself suffering through the contractions, I would allow myself to get some help.  The contractions continued to get worse, and the pain in my belly was soon accompanied by intense pain in my back no matter what position I tried.  I knew that the analgesic was supposed to help ease the pain of the contractions but should not interfere with my ability to feel what was going on.  Ever since we'd gotten to the hospital, the fetal monitoring revealed that Nora was in great shape, so this helped me feel better about getting the medication.  Plus, I thought she might even benefit if her mom was having an easier time.  When another cervical exam revealed that I was around 6cm dilated, I knew taking a dose of the medicine at that point, rather than continuing to wait, would maximize the amount of time my body had to metabolize the drug before Nora was born.  I hoped this would minimize any impact it could have on her.  Eventually, there was no way for me to deny that I was suffering, so I asked for the medication.

I felt the effects of the analgesic immediately after it was administered through my IV.  For the first 20 minutes or so, I was kind of out of it and I was saying goofy things to Billy and Vickie.  Thereafter, I still felt intense pain during the contractions and had to rely on my coping strategies to endure them, but it was much easier for me to relax and rest between contractions.  I feel like this gave me the renewed energy I needed to be able to make it through the transition phase of labor.  When I could feel Nora's head dropping fairly quickly, I asked to be checked again because I felt sure that it was time to push.  Dr. Penn told me that I needed to wait a while longer, so it was a huge relief around 3:15pm when he finally told me I could try to push.  Vickie then left Billy to care for me so he and I could be alone when our baby was born.

I only had to push for around 20 minutes, and this was far and away the most painful and most rewarding portion of labor for me.  For the first time during my pregnancy, I felt like I was actually in control of what was happening to my body and my baby's.  I could not believe how loud I was screaming until Lora suggested I direct that energy toward pushing.  When Nora's head became visible to Dr. Penn, he told me she had a lot of long brown hair.  From that point onward, I knew I was birthing the baby I had imagined in my head and I became a woman on a mission.  Everyone encouraged me so much, and I could feel how much progress I was making while pushing during each contraction.  This helped me keep pushing harder and enduring the extreme pain.  Billy surprised me by choosing to watch Nora emerge, and this meant he could also give me verbal affirmation that I was getting close.  He also confirmed that she came out in the posterior position, which helped explain the back pain I experienced during contractions.  While I was pushing and could feel Nora passing through the birth canal, I was hit full force by the realization that I was bringing a baby into the world, and I experienced a stronger sense of accomplishment than I've ever known before.

Then, all of the sudden, I'd pushed enough, Nora was born, and Billy was cutting the cord.  I looked over at Billy, who had an expression of pure joy on his face, and I was overwhelmed by the realization that we had created a real, live, human.  They let me hold Nora as long as I wanted before weighing and measuring her to confirm that she was perfectly healthy and alert.  By then, Vickie had come back, so she was able to share in our excitement.  Then they gave Nora back so I could nurse her for the first time, and I was so relieved when the techniques I'd researched and Nora's instincts worked together to result in a very successful first breast feeding.

I was overwhelmed again when I was there with Billy, Vickie, and Nora, and I realized that even though things hadn't gone exactly according to my birth plan, I had a healthy baby and I had gotten to experience childbirth in a way that was very meaningful to me.  I anticipate that I'll try to have a natural childbirth again next time, and I hope I'll be able to do it, but I still feel confident that I made the right decisions for me and for Nora this time. I realize how much good fortune it takes for a baby to be born healthy, and how many strokes of luck it takes for the baby's birth to go as the mother plans, so I know how fortunate I am that I got to come away from the delivery room with a healthy, beautiful baby and a rewarding birth experience.  Plus, my recovery has thus far been so quick and painless that I can't imagine birthing a baby any different way.

Patti had been waiting in the waiting room for the better part of the day, so she joined us in the delivery room shortly thereafter, and it was not long before Chuck and Brian also arrived at the hospital and were admitted to the delivery room.  It was fun to share Nora's name for the first time and see how excited they all were about her arrival.  Vickie and Billy began texting people to let them know Nora had been born, the first picture of her began circulating on facebook, and I got a chance to talk to Mom and Nate after we were settled in our recovery room.  I guess that is where the story of Nora's birth ends, and where the story of her life begins. : )  We can't wait to see all the fantastic things her life has in store for her and for us!

We did it!  Nora and her Mama shortly after childbirth.

Ramona and Her Father

Today marks 39 weeks, so we're only one week away from the baby's due date!  Our weekly OB visits continue to go well, and I continue to feel fairly well considering how far along I am.  The little one still squirms around as much as she can, and her movements have been so consistent for the past week or so that I think she has settled into a single position for the duration.  I continue to frequently experience strong Braxton-Hicks contractions that I hope are getting my uterus primed for real labor!

One of the ways I have been keeping myself occupied is by re-reading the Ramona Quimby books I recently checked out from the library.  I loved these books as a child.  I must have read them all prior to fourth grade because I can remember that when Mom and Dad told us we were moving to Portland, I decided that living where Ramona lived would not be too bad.   As soon as I found out we were having a girl, I wanted to re-read these books because I had so much in common with Ramona that I figure my daughter will, too.  Ramona is just as endearingly awkward and relatable as I remembered.

The book I remember best is Ramona and Her Father.  In this one, Ramona's father loses his job, and Ramona has to learn how to deal with how his mood changes as a result of being out of work.  I think I remember this best because my dad left his job when I was in 8th grade and ended up being unemployed for much longer than he anticipated.  I can remember reflecting back on Ramona's experience when I found myself in a similar one.  I also remember that one of the things Ramona's dad did with her while he was jobless was to roll out a giant piece of paper and draw a picture on it with her.

What I did not remember is what Ramona and her dad drew.  They drew the state of Oregon, and while Ramona began with the Interstate Bridge, her dad started by drawing Mt. Hood.  When she looks at her dad's drawing, she finds that "sure enough he had drawn Mt. Hood peaked with a hump on the south side exactly the way it looked in real life on the days when the clouds lifted" (113).  My dad loved Mt. Hood.  He loved the days in the winter when the mountain was visible from West Linn.  This is exactly where my dad would have begun if he had started drawing a picture of Oregon.  So while today marks exactly 9 months since my dad passed away, and these milestones feel significant, it is during the moments like reading this paragraph that I miss my dad the most.  I am so thankful to be reminded of him, and so comforted by having so many positive memories of him, and yet I am simultaneously choked with grief at the reminder that he is gone.

The other thing that I find exceptionally difficult is coming across my dad's handwriting unexpectedly.  Dad had the most distinctive handwriting of anyone I know.  This happened to me on Monday when, exactly one year to the day from the day he left for Chile, I stumbled upon the postcard he sent to our house from the trip.

Finding the card made me acknowledge what a big difference a single year can make.  It also helped remind me that I should try harder to make the most of these last few days before the baby arrives, even though I wish she would just get here already, because as soon as she does the years are going to speed by even faster than ever.

(And I know this post will provoke the question, but the baby's name is not going to be Ramona.  I do love this name and I did propose it early in the baby naming conversations, but Billy thought we should go with a name we both liked. : ) )

A Team for America

Yesterday, we attended what is likely to be our final Navy football game of the season.  They play again at home on October 22, and though it's possible Baby D will not have arrived by then, I doubt I will want to sit through a football game when I'm over 40 weeks pregnant.

Last week's game was cold and drizzly, so it was nice to have a return of perfect weather this week.  Our friends Amy and Brian left their nearly 9 month old daughter Jenna with Amy's parents, so it was fun to have them join us for part of the tailgate.  As new parents themselves, they had some funny stories to share with us about their first few months with Jenna.  Navy was playing Southern Mississippi, and we ended up parked next to a whole group of their fans, but they turned out to be super friendly.  I was sorry I could not partake in the Bourbon Slush they shared with us and Billy was sorry that his recently developed shrimp allergy prevented him from enjoying some of the jambalaya they spent the entire morning concocting on the grill.

We snapped a few pictures, so I thought I'd share those.

 

Once the game started, we were extra glad the weather was so delightful because Navy's play left much to be desired.  The Mids drove the ball all the way down the field, but after they were stopped at the goal line, Southern Mississippi blocked the field goal attempt and ran it back for a touchdown.  From there, it just got worse.  Navy didn't look much like the team we are used to seeing, so we are hoping they can turn the season around quickly.  I wasn't too uncomfortable sitting in the stands, but I wasn't sorry to leave after the third quarter, either.

I love this picture of me and Billy at the game last year, and I thought it would be funny to recreate the same picture again yesterday to prove that my belly has reached ridiculous proportions.

Here's to hoping that next season, we can pose for the same photo again with me back in my favorite Navy tee and with little missy taking the place of the baby bump!

(A Team for America is a forthcoming book about what the 1944 Army Navy game meant to a country at war.  Sounds interesting!)

Baby Steps

I keep wondering if giving birth is going to turn out to be a lot like running a marathon.  I have a lot of time to wonder about this because I can no longer make it through the hours between 2am and 6am without being awake for at least three of them.  This overnight wakefulness is not a new feature of my pregnancy, and waking up during this period plagued me even before I became pregnant... but the length of time I'm awake and the discomfort I feel during this period have gotten much worse in the past few weeks.  I wake up needing to go to the bathroom.  Then I'm nauseous and hungry, even if I've risked heartburn by eating a snack before bed.  Then I'm still nauseous.  Then I cannot get comfortable, no matter how I sit or lie.  It's as though I am mentally strong enough to put my discomfort out of my mind during the day, but after I put my brain to rest for several hours, my body insists on calling attention to the fact that it has a full sized infant body inside it and that this state of being is not particularly pleasant for either of us.

So sometimes, when I'm not sleeping, I worry about how bad labor is going to be.  Then I get to thinking, even if it is miserable, it means the end is in sight.  Even if I have a whole slew of sleepless nights ahead of me, they will be of a different kind.  So maybe pregnancy will turn out to be a lot like marathon training.

When I was training for a marathon back in 2003, I spent the entire time unsure whether I would actually be able to finish the race or not.  As a result, I didn't miss a single one of the miles prescribed by my four month training program.  Even then, I was worried about the longest training run being over six miles shorter than the race.  What I didn't realize was that the daily rigors of preparing for the race would turn out to be much harder to endure than the race itself, at least for me.  If you can run 20 miles on your own through the empty streets of Valparaiso, you can most definitely run 26.2 miles alongside thousands of other people through the cheering crowds of Chicago.  The race itself, while much harder on my body than any single training run, was fueled by the adrenaline of finally making it to race day, the encouragement of the people I knew, and the excitement of knowing the finish line was finally in sight.

People think of a marathon as a long race because it's 26.2 miles long.  I thought of it this way, too, before I trained for one.  The marathon turned out to be a really long race, though, because on the first day I laced up my shoes, I had over 350 miles left to run before I reached that finish line.  Looking back, its no wonder I made it through the last 6.2 miles of the race that carried me beyond my longest training distance.  I'd already survived the difficulty of the 350+ that preceded them.

Pregnancy and marathon training are not exactly the same because pregnancy doesn't take the same kind of determination.  You can't wake up and think "No thanks, I will pass on being pregnant today because I feel miserable" before rolling back over.   You could, theoretically, wake up and decide "It's 5am, I will pass on getting up to run these eight miles before class" before rolling back over.  For me, though, the determination was never the problem.  I am so determined that it takes more effort for me to quit on something than to stick with it.  The thing that is hard for me is enduring the strain that possessing this kind of determination puts on me and my body.  And enduring my pregnancy has been at least as hard as enduring marathon training.

It might be really naive to think giving birth will be comparable to running the race.  Maybe labor will be so hard that I'll look back on things and think compared to childbirth, pregnancy was a breeze.  But I choose to ignore this possibility for now because worrying about it will do nothing to help me get through the obstacles that still stand before me.  What will help me get through the discomfort of these sleepless nights, and through labor, will be thinking of the birth as the last few painful steps in a long, difficult battle of endurance-- the only remaining steps I will have to take before someone hands me a baby.  Because while there is a lot of uncertainty at play here, I do feel confident that, as great as it was to be handed a finisher's medal and a foil blanket, being handed a baby will be much better.

(I don't know anything about this book, Baby Steps, but that felt like it had to be the title of this post.  And I don't care what this book is about, frankly, because it's nearly 5am and I'm finally feeling like I might be able to fall back asleep.  Goodnight!)

The Baby-Sitter's Club #37

Today I've reached the 37 week mark, which is a milestone because it means my pregnancy is full term!  As I understand it, the baby's lungs are the last thing to finish developing, and from this point onward she would be able to breathe unassisted if she were born.  Since she could survive on her own outside the womb, there's no longer any need to worry about pre-term labor!

In celebration of reaching full term, I spent the morning reading through the pregnancy notebook I have been keeping along the way.  While reading old entries did nothing to alleviate the feeling that I've been pregnant forever, it did help me reflect on how far the baby and I have come since conception.  Pregnancy doesn't feel quite so unnecessarily long when I think about the fact that Baby D started out as a single cell and has grown into a fully formed infant that currently weighs somewhere around six pounds.  Bringing the baby to full term also makes me really appreciate my body's ability to endure so many difficulties in the process of getting her ready to be born.  Healthy babies might be born all the time, but I have several healthy friends who have lost babies at various stages in pregnancy, so I feel especially fortunate that all signs continue to indicate that our little one will be healthy when she joins us fairly soon.

I also thought posting some pictures of our recently completed nursery for everyone to see was another appropriate way to celebrate reaching full term.  I know I have been promising a video, and I tried shooting one, but it turns out that I'm not capable of showing the various features of the room without inducing motion sickness.  I think the pictures capture the look of the room pretty well, and if you want to see the baby's room in real time, you'll just have to come visit!

I always thought it was a bit strange to devote a lot of time and energy to decorating a baby's room because the baby doesn't know the difference.  What I realized after I'd repainted the room and began choosing wall decals, however, was that I was decorating the room for myself and not for the baby.  When we first purchased our house, I decorated the whole thing one room at a time.  I really enjoyed the process, which made our house feel like home, and I've enjoyed living in a space that felt right for our personalities ever since.  Once all the rooms were done, though, and I returned to graduate school, I guess I forgot how much I enjoyed decorating.  Since I had plenty of time this summer, making decisions about the room and executing them also gave me a productive way to channel my excitement about the baby into a task that has measurable results.

This first photo is the view from the hallway.  We decided we wanted to be able to see inside the crib from the doorway, so that made space planning for the room a little complicated.  Thankfully, we have enough clearance to put the crib here without blocking the entrance to the bedroom.  From this angle, you can also catch glimpses of the window valance and crib skirt my mom sewed for the room.  I think they look great!  She custom made both of them with the measurements I sent her, and I am really excited to have a crib skirt which goes all the way to the floor because it means I can store things under there while also keeping them out of view.

Right now the crib is holding the various baby toys we have to keep out of Oscar's reach, but we'll need to find a new home for them when the baby is ready to sleep there.  This angle does a pretty good job of showing off the purple and green butterfly mobile I found, and here you can also see the child-size rocking chair Billy's Aunt Nancy repainted and reupholstered for the little one using our color scheme.

Here is another view of the left side of the room, which also shows the bookshelf we put in the corner.  This gives us a place to store the baby's books and a counter on which to put the owl lamp Patti found.  We put some baskets on the bottom shelf for some extra miscellaneous storage.  I didn't want anything above the crib that could fall off the wall, so I put up some purple and lavender butterfly decals to compliment the mobile.  It looks a little strange in this photo, but in real life the mobile creates shadows on the wall, and I like how this gives the decoration a little bit of a multi-dimensional effect.  We have something else to put on the wall above the bookshelf, but that can't go up until we announce the baby's name. : )

Here you can see the other corner of the room-- the one that is off to the right when you walk in.  This corner is dominated by the glider Jacelyn and Allen very generously handed down to us.  You wouldn't know it, though, because it looks brand new!  We just got it from them over the weekend and I love it already.  I imagine our admiration for this chair and our appreciation for the gift will grow exponentially once we have a baby to rock in it!  The Jimmy Buffett quote painted on the wall above the chair is the only remnant from the original room decor.  I measured off a rectangle around it to leave alone when I repainted the room, and when I ordered the vinyl decals I had them send me a few strips of purple so I could frame out the quote.  I was pleasantly surprised to find out that the green paint I used to write the words even matches the green vinyl decal perfectly!

This last picture shows the corner of the room opposite the bookshelf, which is next to the closet that is immediately adjacent to the doorway.  I posted a picture of the tree decal when I first applied it, but now you can get an idea of how it really looks.  We had a different Ikea dresser in this spot that we were planning to keep, but we decided that we wanted something a bit sturdier that had more storage, so we replaced it.  The baby's great grandparents helped out a lot with the furnishings for the room because Mimi and Papa as well as Nana and Mr. Dick gave us monetary gifts so we could buy the things we really needed for the baby.  Their generosity made it easy to get pieces that fit the space and our storage needs.  This dresser is also a little bit taller than the last one, which made it the ideal place to mount the changing pad, negating any need for a separate changing table.

Now that the baby could theoretically arrive any day, and I no longer have the excuse of working on the nursery, I guess it is time to direct my nesting instinct toward cleaning the house.  I'd like her to arrive a little early (even though I know she'll probably come late), so I keep saying that I hope the baby inherited my aversion for procrastination.  I have told her several times that I take due dates very seriously and have never once asked for an extension on anything in hopes that she will take this advice to heart.  : )  Meanwhile, I keep putting off cleaning up, even though I know that if I don't want to do it now, I certainly will not want to do it after she arrives. : )

(I loved The Baby-Sitter's Club when I was growing up.  I think Ann M. Martin kept publishing them after I grew out of them, but up to that point, I had read them all.  My favorites were the Super Specials because I got to read about the same events told from the various perspectives of the different girls.  I guess my appreciation for these focalization shifts this should have foreshadowed my somewhat sophisticated interest in books. : )  The 37th book is "Dawn and the Older Boy," but I will not go into detail about what I remember from this issue because it is too early to be scaring Billy with the possibility that our daughter could fall under the spell of older boys.  Don't worry, Billy-- her friends are looking out for her.)

How to be Good

Time keeps moving right along in our house.  Last weekend, we got to celebrate Billy's cousin Gina's wedding.  Gina already posted her photographer's photos from the day on facebook, so I borrowed a few of them to share here.  Congratulations, Gina and Rich!

Tony, Aunt Nancy, Gina, her new husband Rich, and Chuckie after the ceremony

MomMom, Aunt Mary, Patti, and me at the reception

Brian, Billy, Chuck, and Tony

Nana and Mr. Dick were big hits on the dance floor, as usual!

This week, we had dinner with Vickie and heard about her fun trip to the northwest, and though I couldn't make it, Billy went out to dinner with his family to celebrate Chuck's birthday. The other exciting thing about this week is that we got plenty of good news!

Our weekly OB appointments began with another good checkup.  We learned that we have to get flu shots this year, and the doctor confirmed that the baby is ready to go in head down position.  My weight gain and belly measurement are still right on track, and so is the baby's heart rate.

Billy also had a meeting with his James Webb Space Telescope supervisors to go over his yearly performance appraisal.  He was given universally high remarks in every category, and his bosses have been very pleased with the work he has done this past year as well as the leadership responsibilities he has taken on.  He let me read the write-up they gave him, which goes into quite a bit of detail about all of the ways he has met and exceeded their expectations.  As his wife, I really appreciated the effort his supervisors put into writing up his review and enjoyed getting a chance to see how much they appreciate the hard work he does.  Anyone who knows Billy knows he believes that if something is worth doing, it's worth doing well, but being this hard of a worker sometimes leads to frustration in a work environment if others are not willing to work as hard.  In his first few jobs out of college, I often felt like his employers took advantage of and didn't show much appreciation for his work ethic.  So even though he doesn't like everyone calling attention to his successes at this job, I do!  : )

I missed Chuck's birthday dinner because I was scheduled to give my presentation on my Katherine Anne Porter paper to the theory colloquium, which I mentioned a few weeks ago.  The presentation format was a little unsettling because after giving my opening remarks, I had to sit quietly and listen to my colleagues discuss the work for 15 or 20 minutes before I was allowed to say anything.  Listening to their feedback was really interesting, and some of their comments were very useful, but when I was finally allowed to talk, I wasn't sure how to address all that conversation at once.  Then there was about 30 minute of a more traditional question and answer format about my paper before we switched gears to discuss two unrelated articles for the second hour.  I had read and taken notes on those articles, but I wasn't able to focus enough to join that discussion because I sat there thinking about things people had said about my paper and scribbling notes to myself.  I came out of the session feeling good about the feedback I'd gotten but unsure about how well I had done in addressing the issues that were raised.  When I talked to my friends who've attended the colloquium for several semesters, though, I felt reassured.   They thought I did a good job of taking peoples' suggestions into consideration and defending my project when necessary without seeming defensive or unprepared.  A few of my classmates also mentioned that they'd like to talk to me about the project more when I have a chance, and that always seems like a mark of success.  Overall, I'm mostly just glad the presentation is behind me-- I've not only finished my requirements for the Critical Theory Certificate, but I also have some good ideas about how to move forward with the Katherine Anne Porter project.

Plus, we're one week closer to baby!

(How to Be Good is a novel by one of my favorite contemporary authors, Nick Hornby.  I don't actually recommend it, though.  My favorites among his books are High Fidelity and Fever Pitch.)

Five Weeks [as] a Balloon

Yesterday marked 35 weeks, which means I am five weeks away from my due date and two weeks away from full term.  My belly is officially too big for comfort!

I rang in the 35 week mark by getting asked if I was carrying twins.  When I told Billy about it, he said "I bet people think that because your belly is so big, but you don't look ready to deliver because you're not big anywhere else."  When he says things like this, I mentally award myself life bonus points for choosing him as my husband and father of my child.

In case you were wondering how the belly got to this point, please see below.  It creeps me out to see this many images of myself in one place, but it is funny to see the belly grow little by little, and it captures visually my sense that I have been pregnant for a very long time.  For quite a while, I didn't recognize myself when I caught a glimpse of my profile.  Now, I hardly recognize myself when I look at old pre-pregnancy photos, so I guess I have gotten used to my ever expanding midsection.  At this point, it's hard to imagine the belly going away, but it's nice to think there will come a time when I can sleep on my stomach again.

Now that almost everything is ready for the baby's arrival, I have been devoting more time each day to my schoolwork.  I'm hoping that keeping myself occupied with brainwork will help distract me a bit from the growing bodily discomfort I'm experiencing while also helping me pass the time without getting too anxious.  We'll see!

Speaking of school, the most exciting news of the day is that my good friend Katie passed her comprehensive exam this morning!  There are several big landmarks in the trajectory of our program-- finishing coursework, passing the comprehensive exam, getting the dissertation prospectus approved, and then finally writing and defending the dissertation.  Katie's been reading and studying furiously for the past several months, and today's accomplishment means she can now boast being the first member of our PhD cohort to win the prize for the best PhD paper, the first to be awarded a merit-based fellowship, and the first to pass her comps.  Congratulations, Katie!

I'm one step closer to clearing the comps hurdle, too.  Each student has to recruit four professors to serve on her exam committee, and I set the goal of locking in three professors for mine before the baby arrives.  Today, the third professor I hoped to work with agreed to work with me, so things continue to progress according to my plans!

(Five Weeks in a Balloon is a novel by Jules Verne, more famous for Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea and Around the World in Eighty Days.  The publisher apparently claims its a satire of other adventure novels.  I just thought the title (with a slight modification) described how I feel at the moment.)

Preparation

I haven't updated in a while because I feel like I haven't been doing much of anything that might interest anyone.  Mostly I have been hanging out with Billy and trying to enjoy the peace, quiet, and slower pace of these last few weeks before our time alone together with Oscar becomes "the old days."  In case you're curious what we've been up to, though, here goes.

The baby and I are doing well.  We had another OB visit this week, which confirmed that she continues to grow healthily.  The nurse thinks the baby is head down already, which corroborates my sense about her position based on the movements I feel constantly.  I really enjoy feeling her move, and it is fun to feel pressure on the inside and be able to tell it is probably her foot by feeling my belly with my hand.  She weighs about 5 pounds now and it certainly feels like I'm carrying a 5 pound child around inside my body.  I'm getting fairly uncomfortable, and the frequency of her movements makes it even harder to get comfortable.  I try to remind myself that she's probably pretty uncomfortable in there too, so we're in this together, except that at least I know what's going on.

We enjoyed a nice labor day weekend.  With it came the first Navy football game of the year versus Delaware, which the Mids won 40-17.  The day was beautiful but hot.  I was glad when the game began and took my mind off of my discomfort, and I was glad again when some cloud cover appeared during the second half to cool me down.  There are two more games I should be able to attend, and I think Vickie might even be able to join us for one of them, so I'm hoping the weather will be a bit cooler next time.  We have our south end zone seats again this year, where plenty of touchdowns were scored, so it was another exciting game.  The team has had a dominant quarterback for the past two seasons, but he graduated, so it was fun to see that his replacement is likely to do well.  Here he is rushing for a touchdown.

After a few weeks of not working, I guess I am settling into my "maternity leave."  I am glad most of my maternity leave will be spent with a baby because I am bored.  I don't miss working, but I miss being on campus and being in the mix of everything.  It was hard to see all my friends go back to school and realize this is the first time since I was 4 that I did not participate in the ritual.  Thankfully, I have been able to stay a little bit involved.  The one credit theory colloquium class I attend every semester is open to everyone, registered or not, and there are three sessions scheduled before the baby's due date, so I have long planned on continuing to attend those.  There are normally about 10 or 15 people in attendance, so when around 40 people showed up for the first session, I was quite shocked.  Then I began getting nervous because I am due to present a paper on Katherine Anne Porter at the next session on September 23.  Everyone will read the paper and a few complementary articles beforehand, and then I'll spend about an hour answering questions about the paper and the project.  It's a great opportunity to get feedback on your work, and I have been looking forward to it since I made the arrangements with my professor in the spring.  But even if only half as many people show up for my session, that means a lot of really smart people who spend most of their time reading really smart things will have read my paper, but I am trying to avoid developing too much anxiety about it.

I miss my dad.  I missed him when I got the email about this year's "Staff Development Day," which reminded me that my required attendance at this event last year ruined the trip home to Oregon I'd planned. As it turns out, that trip would have been the last time I got to spend time with him while he was "healthy."  I missed him when there were no text messages on my phone after the Navy football game.  I missed him when I thought about his friends gathering with our family in Lompoc with for the LHS alumni golf tournament.  I miss him when notable events like that one remind me just how many people are missing him and how much less laughter there must be in the world now that he is gone.  I missed him when the Oregon Ducks started the season in a highly anticipated, nationally televised game and I realized he had been alive for their last one.  I missed him when I realized that the first few days of a Grand Slam are still difficult for me to watch because they remind me of how excited I was about the Australian Open but how quickly the plans for that trip went from all of us going, to me and Billy going, to none of us going, to watching it in Dad's house on his TV while we packed up his stuff.  I miss hearing what he thinks about Federer's performance so far in the tournament, and if Fed ends up winning it, as I think he has a decent chance of doing, I will miss hearing Dad say you should never count out a champion with a killer instinct.  When people share their excitement about the baby with me, I know my dad would have shared it, but I miss experiencing in real life the ways I know in my head and heart that he would have acted.  I miss hearing how glad he would have been to have Nate back in Bend and how much he would have enjoyed meeting Ashley. I miss how proud he would have been of the work Vickie is doing and how much he would have been looking forward to her upcoming trip to Portland.  I miss him in moments when I expect to miss him and in moments when it catches me completely off guard.

Otherwise, I've been keeping busy by watching the US Open, trying to get some reading done, going to the gym, and continuing to get the baby's room ready.

It was fun to see Andy Roddick turn in several strong performances this tournament, especially since he has been plagued by injuries this summer.  He even beat #5 ranked David Ferrer, to whom we watched him lose while we were in Austin.  I thought he had a chance to make it competitive against Nadal yesterday, but he looked absolutely spent from the time the first ball dropped... and Nadal looked like Nadal.  After watching the way the matches have gone as a result of weather delays, I have a new appreciation for what a best of 5 set match does to the body.

As for reading, I've finally finished Katherine Anne Porter's 500 page novel, Ship of Fools, which means I've read all the fiction she published.  It also means I can join the ranks of everyone who thinks she was at her best when writing short fiction.  I've now moved onto Bonnie Kime Scott's The Gender of Modernism anthology.  The experience of reading this is equal parts "wow, this is fascinating!" and "dang it, I thought I was going to make that point in my dissertation, and someone else said it 20 years ago."

I still try to get to the gym about four days a week, and I've had to cut out a few of my lifting exercises as my body changes.  I spend about the same amount of time there, though, because I have to give myself more time between sets to prevent my heart rate from getting too high.  At some point I may need to stop the weights altogether and stick with walking, but I'm not there yet, and I'm getting so strong!  It used to be a little hard to lift a gallon of milk, but now I feel like I could throw one across the room, overhand.  My discomfort may be increasing, but overall I feel very fortunate that once I got help with the nausea, I've had a pretty healthy pregnancy. I think that is at least partly a result of being in good shape when I conceived and trying to stay active throughout.

And the baby's room is almost done.  Now that we have all of her things, we have a better idea of how much storage we're going to need, so we decided to use the money we've been gifted to get a new dresser and bookshelf for the room.  We are picking up the glider chair from Jay and Allen next weekend, and Mom is working on sewing us a window valance and a crib skirt with the fabric we picked out.  Once we get those pieces in place, the room will finally be ready, so we are looking forward to shooting a quick video of how it looks for those of you who won't be able to see it in person.  For now, though, here are a couple photos of the newest additions, carefully assembled by yours truly.  (I may be the only person in the world who enjoys assembling furniture.)

Oh, and we've survived all the bad weather relatively unscathed.  Since Sunday, Billy's weather station has registered 8.93 inches of rain, which is about twice what we normally get for the whole month of September.  Since all of this arrived after the ground was well saturated from Hurricane Irene, the low lying areas near us are having a really tough time with flooding.  Billy found the picture below, which shows that the restaurant where we held our wedding reception is under water.  We feel fortunate that the worst effect we've suffered is a few hours of lost power.

That's it from here, I think.  If you've made it this far without getting bored to death by my ramblings, you deserve a reward, so please check out how adorable and funny Krista's girls are.  If our little girl is born on time, her arrival is under 40 days away.  I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

(Preparation is a short story from a Robert Olen Butler collection I love, titled A Good Scent From a Strange Mountain.  If you like short fiction, I recommend all of his collection, and his novels are pretty good, too.  Some of the short story collections have really fascinating themes, like the one he wrote based on the inscriptions on vintage postcards he collects (Had a Good Time) and the one based the stories on real tabloid headlines (Tabloid Dreams).

Picture This

I have an odd assortment of photos I want to share, so I thought I'd just post them all together even though they're from different events.

A few weeks ago, Mr. Dick's sportsmen's club hosted their annual crab feast at Patapsco State Park.  The crab feast is always held in mid-August, and Billy's family members from both sides come.  This year I attended for my seventh time (Billy and I missed the crab feast once for a wedding out of town), but it is the first time the event hasn't signaled back-to-school time for me.  I used to eat a few crabs so I could participate in the experience, but for the past few years, I haven't really felt like putting in all the work it takes to pick them.  I don't feel so bad, though, because Mr. Dick has never eaten one!  Billy said the crabs this year might have been the best ever, though.

Here, Billy and his cousin Chuckie are selecting crabs out of the bushel to put in the boxes they use to serve them on the table.

Brian and Billy go to work on their crabs while Mr. Dick watches over the festivities.

Everyone who saw me at the crab feast finally agreed that I look pregnant!  And Patti and Chuck got to feel her move for the first time.

After I wrote up my post about the baby shower, Billy's cousin Heather shared a few of the photos she took throughout the day. 

With only the exception of his cousin Frankie, all of Billy's cousins on his mom's side attended the shower-- two generations worth!  From left to right: Allen, Jacelyn, Lily, Kristen, Katelyn, Heather, Cash, Brian, Me, and Billy.

While the women supervised the opening of the gifts, the men hung out in the yard and played tailgate games.  I was so glad that everyone was invited and found ways to have a good time!

And finally, I've made it to 32 weeks!  We had another OB appointment this morning that went really well.  I have officially achieved my highest weight ever, and the doctor says my weight gain, fundal height, and lab results are all perfect.  I feel like I have been making my way through nearly every negative pregnancy symptom there is to experience, but I'm certainly glad that I'm the one experiencing complications rather than the baby.  As far as anyone can tell, she's developing and growing right on schedule!  I had a bunch of specific questions to ask this week about labor and delivery procedure, and I was very pleased with all of the doctor's answers and explanations.  This strengthened my feeling that my doctors' birth philosophy corresponds nicely with and will support my own goals for the baby's birth, so that was another comforting outcome of the visit.  We have appointments every two weeks now, so it feels like Billy and I are in that office every time we turn around, but it is nice to have a constant source of positive reinforcement about the baby's health as we get closer to her due date.

(Picture This is a novel by Joseph Heller, the author of Catch-22, that builds an nonlinear, temporally experimental narrative around a single painting.  I haven't read it, but to me it sounds so quintessentially late 1980s!)

The Days Before

Now that I've reached 30 weeks and am theoretically 3/4 of the way through my pregnancy, I thought I'd share a little more detail about how pregnancy is treating me at this point.

Looks like it might be time to retire these long and lean tanks that have been a maternity staple for me-- this one's working pretty hard.

For the most part, I feel pretty good.  I'm still able to go about my regular routines without too much interruption, but I have been trying to take things a bit slower.  I still get nauseous when I try to eat, so making sure I'm getting enough nutrition is a daily challenge.  I'm getting by with eating a lot of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and high fiber oatmeal and by supplementing my meals with Clif Bars.  I was nervous that I might be falling behind on my weight gain as a result of my lack of appetite, but yesterday's OB visit confirmed that I am right on track with that, so that was a relief for me.  I'd like to blame my aversion to most foods on the fact that my stomach is compressed, but I have considerably less trouble eating sweets, so I'm not sure stomach space is the issue.  I have been eating enough sweets to counteract the few calories I burn exercising, but have been making sure not too eat so many empty calories that I fill up on them instead of nutritious foods.

I'm starting to get to the point where my belly is big enough to cause more discomfort, though.  When I sit down, there's no longer any clearance between my lap, my belly, and my chest, and the baby lets me know that she does not appreciate being squished by kicking me in the ribs regularly.  Leaning back helps, but that makes her rotate the wrong direction, so the most comfortable way to position myself in order to position her correctly is to sit cross-legged and lean forward a bit.  I've actually been experiencing a less trouble sleeping at night and am able to get fairly comfortable sleeping on my side, so that is another positive.  Have any of you tried those pregnancy sleeping body pillows they sell?  I can see how they might help, but it seems like they would take up so much room in the bed that they might be counter productive.

I also believe I am getting an early start on thinking my baby is exceptional.  Past 28 weeks, moms are encouraged to do periodic "kick counts" to make sure the baby's movement does not decrease significantly.  They say the baby should kick around 10 times per hour if she's healthy, but this little one has never taken more than 25 minutes to get to 10 movements.  The other night she got to 10 in only 8 minutes.  She seems quite active at various times throughout the day, but when I lay down for the first time in a while, she begins engaging in some kind of uterine olympics.  She has also taken up kicking and elbowing Oscar, who can't quite figure out why the nice pocket of space he's used to curling up in when I lay on my side is no longer there.  He has yet to react to her movements, but I think he must feel them periodically because her kicks are starting to get pretty forceful.  I try not to let him step on me, but recently he did step one paw on my side when he was repositioning himself, and she pushed him back.  I thought this was funny because it seems like an early sign that she will not be pushed around, but it was especially amusing because I have been trying repeatedly to get her to respond to my poking and prodding to no avail.  Figures.  : )

We've also completed two weeks of childbirth classes with Danielle of Informed Birth Choices, and I am really enjoying them so far.  In addition to teaching self-designed childbirth classes that seek to prepare women for un-medicated births, Danielle works as a doula.  I'd describe her approach as holistically minded but scientifically grounded, and her style has been a great fit for what we were looking for in a childbirth educator.  She shares many of the same priorities that convinced me to attempt natural birth, but she is really focused on providing us with the information we need to make decisions for ourselves rather than trying to push her own opinions or agenda on us.  The two classes so far have also helped me and Billy to realize that we share a lot of common ground in terms of how we hope the birth will go and how we plan to respond if it doesn't go as planned, so that has also been comforting.  I do feel badly asking him to sit through a nearly 3 hour class in the middle of his work week, and I know the content is a lot more interesting for me than it is for him.  But I also know that I am most likely to be pleased with our birth experience if I feel mentally and emotionally prepared going into it, so I feel confident that the time we've invested in the classes will pay off once I go into labor.

For the past two months, the pregnancy has felt like it was speeding by, but that feeling has begun to shift in the past week or so.  Reaching 30 weeks feels more like "I really still have 10 more weeks to go?" than "I can't believe I'm 3/4 of the way done!"  I think that's partly because I'm getting more uncomfortable and partly because the list of things we have left to accomplish before the baby arrives is shrinking.  I am only working for two more weeks, and I'm afraid time might slow down even more once I'm home every day.  Thankfully, I'll be able to make more academic progress once my professors are around again, so I'm hoping I can keep myself occupied with schoolwork while I'm waiting for the baby to arrive.

(The Days Before is an essay written by Katherine Anne Porter, and it's also the title of a non-fiction collection she released in 1952.  It's out of print, but most of it can be found in the Library of America edition of her work.  It's on my never-ending list of things to read.)

The Belly Book

Yesterday, Billy and I attended our first childbirth class.  This was an eight hour class hosted by the hospital where I'll deliver, and it's designed as a general overview of the labor and delivery process.  We enjoyed having the chance to hear the questions and concerns of other expectant parents, the explanation of how the process is handled at our hospital, and the presentation from a local pediatrician who spoke about things to consider when choosing the baby's doctor.  The class also addressed the different stages of labor and types of complications that can arise, and though I've read much of that information already, it was helpful to hear it again and have the chance to ask questions.  In August, Billy and I will begin attending a weekly childbirth class presented by a certified doula.  This one will probably cover much of the same information, but it will also give us more time in guidance in learning the specific techniques and comfort measures that will help us get through the birth.

If you're reading this post on the blog itself, you've probably already noticed that I added a small slideshow in the right sidebar that shows the expansion of my belly.  If you're reading the post on a blogreader, you should click over to the blog to check out the growing bump!  My friend Krista recommended The Belly Book, and the book has a spot for my weekly belly picture, so we've been taking the same photo every week since we got the positive pregnancy test.  Now that there is a really significant difference between how big my bump is getting and how flat my belly was when we began, I thought it might be fun for others to watch the belly's progress.  The numbers in the corners show how many weeks along I am in each photo.  The book also has a place to keep track of each prenatal visit and asks a series of questions for each trimester that help me keep track of different milestones.  Filling it out has been fun, and I think it will be a nice keepsake for our daughter, but I am also looking forward to having a careful record of my progress to look back on when I am pregnant next time.

I hope each of you are enjoying your weekend!  Those of us out east are trying to beat the record-breaking heat, but I hear the Pacific Northwest finally had a nice, warm, sunny weekend summer day!

Visual and Other Pleasures

Hi all!  We're back from a fantastic vacation in Austin, and I'm working on a post about our trip.  In the meantime, though, Aunt Carrie requested photos of the new baby-related developments here in Millersville, so I thought I'd share a few with everyone.

Every time I think people are done telling me "You don't even look pregnant," someone says it again.  In the past week or so, though, I must've crossed some kind of imaginary threshold of pregnancy, because strangers have begun taking my pregnancy for granted.  They ask me when I'm due, if it's our first baby, and the like.  A Southwest employee told me I could have preboarded and the usher at the tennis match asked me if I have "a little Roddick in there."  I suspect that the difference in peoples' reactions relates to the angle from which they see me and what I'm wearing.  I think I tend to look more visibly pregnant in tighter tops with ruching on the sides, like this one, though they give me a bit of a lumpy profile from the front.

The baby's crib shipped a few weeks early and arrived while we were gone, so Patti and Chuck were nice enough to stop by the house and bring it inside for us.  We put it together yesterday and the mattress arrived today, so the baby's room is really coming together!  The recently painted walls look completely different in these photos, but hopefully they give you an idea of what the room looks like.  The crib is supposed to have a "walnut" finish, but the best way to describe it is to say it's almost the exact same color as Oscar. : )

As of this evening, we are also the proud new owners of a 2008 Honda CR-V!  I spent about a month narrowing my search down to the CR-V and the Ford Edge before we test drove both.  After we decided that the CR-V was the most practical fit for our growing family, we were able to find a used one that met our specifications.  I have never gotten to pick out a car for myself, and each car I've had has been between 5 and 13 years old, so I was pretty nervous pulling our new ride out of the lot.  My past two cars have been an Acura Integra and a Honda Civic, though, so being in a Honda helps me feel more comfortable with making the transition from compact car to compact SUV.  Billy pointed out that my preference for navy blue will fit right in at the Navy tailgate, and we could tell from the original title that the only previous owner lived in Salem, Oregon, so we feel pretty confident that this was the right car for us. : )

Billy thinks I have begun the "nesting" stage of pregnancy.  I don't know if this is accurate, because though I am trying to get everything ready, I certainly haven't been doing any additional cleaning around the house. : )  But I suppose it is nicer for him to say I'm nesting than for him to call it "spending money while under employed," so I'll take it!  Speaking of pregnancy itself, we had our most recent doctor's visit yesterday, and Baby D and I are both growing and progressing healthily.  She weighs about two pounds now, and I can feel her moving around all the time!  The main reason for yesterday's visit, besides the periodic check-up, was to give blood to be tested for gestational diabetes.  Aside from the discomfort of getting bigger, I've been feeling better all the time, so I feel like I have no reason to be worried about those results.

And so he doesn't feel left out, here are some gratuitous shots of Oscar celebrating our return from vacation with some nesting of his own.  It always takes him a week or so to rest up and recover from all the excitement and attention he gets at Camp Nancy while we are away!

I can't wait to share details and photos from our vacation, but as you can see, we've been plenty busy in the two days since we returned!  I have a feeling this baby is going to be here before we know it.  26 weeks down, 14 weeks to go!

While you're waiting for that Austin post, please pop over to Vickie's blog to read her very eloquent thoughts about facing the six month mark since Dad passed away.  You can view that here.  I also wanted say a quick thank-you to Catherine, Sarah D, and Kelsey for reading the blog and commenting recently.  I write the blog mostly as a way of sorting out my own thoughts and because it helps me keep my family members posted on what I'm doing.  To know that any of what I'm working through here resonates with other thoughtful women is an unexpected but delightful fringe benefit of blogging. : )

(Visual and Other Pleasures is a collection of Laura Mulvey's essays, including the one that completely changed the way I view and think about cinema.)