Family Weekend

It has been a nice weekend here in our house.  I finished grading my students' final exams Friday night and submitted their grades on Saturday, so I am officially done for the semester!  Vickie's boyfriend Tres is in town, so the two of them joined us for dinner last night.  Vickie and Tres had agreed to stay here after we put Nora to bed so Billy and I could go out for our first "date" since Nora was born.  We went to see "The Five-Year Engagement," which was perfectly suited to my sense of humor and featured a soundtrack heavy with Van Morrison.  Plus, Nora is such a good nighttime sleeper that it was really the first time I've ever left her when I didn't have a nagging fear in the back of my mind that she might be fussy or difficult for the person who was watching her.  It was nice, but strange, to be out with Billy without her.  Even though we lived together for seven years before she was born, and she's only been here seven months, it's hard to believe that life was always like that for us before she came.

Today Tres and Vickie came along with us, Patti, Chuck, and Brian to get lunch at a popular crab house in Annapolis.  Billy had read several great reviews of their crabs, but we'd never been there before.  Tres was a good sport about the work required to "try" crabs and Nora was intrigued by all the new sights and sounds.  She normally stays awake for about two hours between naps, so when the trip to the restaurant and the meal stretched her out to almost three hours, I was pleased that she made it all the way until we had asked for the check before she was cranky enough to necessitate getting up and walking around.  Perhaps she knew that if I took her out to the outside seating area, she would get to hear two more people tell her how beautiful she was and compliment her on her crab themed outfit?

Since picking crabs is a Maryland ritual, we made sure to take a few pictures of her first exposure to them.  She also got to see some Maryland Blue Crabs getting ready to be steamed on her tour of the parking lot and dock.

She crashed in her carseat on her way home, and Vickie took this adorable picture of her sleeping.  I know every mom probably thinks her own baby is the cutest one she's ever seen, but she is just too perfect!

Thanks to Vickie and Tres for allowing us a night out and to Patti and Chuck for treating us to lunch!  This weekend was the perfect way to kick off my "summer"!

Nora's First Tooth

As I've mentioned, Nora cut her first bottom tooth a few weeks ago and its partner finally broke through last week.  The first one continues to push its way upward and she seems to be having a great time using her tongue and her fingers to try to figure out what it's doing in her mouth.  I just realized today that the tooth is visible in one of her 7 month photos, so I thought I'd post an enlarged version of it to let everyone see her latest accomplishment!

Lucky Number 7

Billy and I like to think of 7 as our lucky number since we got married on 07.07.07, so perhaps we should have known that we would be enjoying Nora more than ever at 7 months old.  She is just so much fun these days.  The older she gets, the more she engages with us, the better she understands the world around her, and the more we get to know her little personality.  She is starting to develop skills that make her seem more like a little kid and less like a baby, such as sitting up, standing, eating, and mimicking everything we do.  There are a few things I am starting to miss about when she was an itty bitty baby, like how cuddly she was, but interacting with her now is so rewarding that I never find myself wishing we could go back in time.

The sleeper bed I use for her monthday photos used to be her favorite place to be when she wasn't being held.  She loved being swaddled and cuddled up in her secure little pocket, but now that she has more control of her body, she was ready to get out of there after cooperating with a few pictures.  : )  Even if she's small for her age, we can still tell she's growing.  Her toes hang off the front of the seat and her head is starting to reach the top!  I first started using this chair for the photos because it was the only way to get a good look at her.  Now that she can steadily sit unassisted, though, you can really see what she looks like!  The month sticker that used to fill her torso looks so small on her belly, and if you look carefully, you can tell it's crinkled up from her attempts to get it off her shirt.  Apparently she knows paper does not belong on clothes.  : )

Developmentally, she is building up toward some big milestones.  She is much happier on her belly now, and she trades off between sleeping on her back, side, and tummy.  She lunges toward everything in an attempt to grasp it, especially if it's something Billy and I frequently hold, like cups, phones, remotes, or water bottles.  She pushes up really well with her arms or pushes her bum up in the air, but she hasn't figured out how to do them both at the same time so she can crawl.  She can hold herself up on her legs, and will stand for long periods if I stabilize her, but she isn't pulling herself up yet.  She makes a noise which sounds a lot like "Hi!", mimics the sounds of other words a lot more accurately, and is starting to wave with more control and some level of awareness about what she's doing.  She reaches up to me when she wants me to pick her up and helps me get her out of the carseat by leaning forward.  If we stop bouncing her around, singing to her, or doing anything else she'd like us to continue, she lets us know by kicking her leg, batting at us with her hand, or bouncing her head.  She's so curious while nursing that she frequently pulls off to check things out around the room or smile at Billy before using her hand to latch herself back on with no help from me.  Getting her to latch initially required such a careful set of precise maneuvers that if you'd told me six months ago that she'd develop the ability to do it herself, I never would have believed you.  She seems to be acquiring new skills so quickly that sometimes I start to wonder if one day she's just going to crawl over to the couch, pull herself up, and shout "Mama!" all in one motion. : )

The other thing that makes life easier for all of us is that Nora has really adopted the sleeping habits we've been working so hard to instill in her.  Sleep training is a pretty controversial issue in mommyland, and I don't want to suggest that what has worked for us is best for every family, but Nora has responded very well to the consistent strategies we've tried so hard to implement.  She sleeps around 12-13 hours a night, waking once or twice to nurse, and naps 2 or 3 times a day, depending on the duration of the naps.  In the past month, her naps have gotten longer and her sleep transitions have become mostly seamless.  She still will not choose to go to sleep on her own-- when I see pictures of babies who've fallen asleep on their play mats, all I can do is scratch my head in wonder-- but the nap routine has indeed become a routine that she clearly understands as her signal to put herself to sleep.  Once she's down in her crib in the dark, she is so good at soothing herself to sleep that I can hardly believe it.  A well rested Nora is a happy Nora, so the fact that these habits are really starting to stick also plays a large part in why we have such a happy baby most of the time.

We're trying to enjoy every day as much as we can, but at the same time, if she's this much fun at 7 months old, we can't wait to see what her 8th monthday has in store!

My First Mother's Day

As Mother's Day approached this year, it did not really occur to me that this was now a holiday that was supposed to celebrate me.  I feel like I should reflect on what it feels like to be a mother this year, but for some reason, my main feeling about today is that I'm so thankful my body gave me the opportunity to be a mother.  My body has spent the last year growing, delivering, and nourishing a beautiful, healthy, baby girl.  I've made the effort to remain healthy and active through my pregnancy and since Nora was born, but mostly I feel like my body did these things on its own with very little input from me.  I'm so thankful that this little bundle of energy is part of my life now that I feel like I owe my body a big Thank you! for making her life possible.

While the physical fact of being a mother feels largely out of my control, the notes I've received from loved ones have touched me and helped me to feel encouraged about all the time and energy I've put into trying to be a good mother.  Nora finally cut her second bottom tooth on Thursday, and ever since then she has been happier than ever.  Billy gave me a really sweet card and a gift certificate to get a massage.  I love being a mom, but the daily rigors of caring for a little one and making constant decisions about what she needs takes a physical and mental toll on me, so the massage feels like the perfect gift. My own mother even sent me a bouquet of flowers to congratulate me on celebrating my first Mother's Day!  When cards from my grandmother and sister as well as nice notes from plenty of others continued to arrive, it really kind of hit me that this was now a holiday that applies to me.  Being Nora's mom is starting to feel like second nature at this point, but being "a mother" still feels like it is somehow outside my experience.

Yesterday we celebrated Mother's Day with our little family of three by visiting a nearby park, where we had a picnic lunch and walked around to show Nora the livestock there.  She saw a baby cow, a big cow, rabbits, chickens, baby chicks, and lambs, but she was most interested in the dog a woman was walking nearby on a leash.  So I guess we can be sure we have the right animal in our house!  We also went to another farm nearby which has several greenhouses full of flowers, and Nora loved looking around at all the arrangements hanging from above.  Today we spent the day with Billy's family, first stopping up at his parent's house to give Patti her cards and flowers, and then going up to his Aunt Mary's to have a delicious meal with several of the family members, including MomMom, Nora's great grandmother on Patti's side.  Being with two other generations of mothers and my daughter made it interesting to think about how much more enjoyment motherhood has in store for me while also wondering about what things will be like for Nora if she eventually decides to become a mother.

Maybe next year, with more mothering under my belt, I'll feel more like this day is a celebration of me. I did want to commemorate my first Mother's Day with Nora, though, so I had Billy take a few pictures of us here at home.

Most of all, I'd like to say HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all the other moms in my life.  In my own family, my mom, both my grandmothers, and my aunts have inspired me to want to become a mom and helped me learn what kind of mother I want to be.  This is our family's first mother's day without our Gramma Kingston, who viewed being a mother as one of her most important jobs.  I know my mom must be missing her even more today than usual, but I also know Gramma would be proud to see how quickly my mom has taken to being a grandmother and how much she has encouraged me as I find my way in this new role.  My husband's mom, Patti, his grandmothers, and his aunts have also helped me learn the value of nourishing the mother/child bond within the context of a tight-knit and supportive extended family.  And finally, I'd like to thank my friends who've helped me navigate what it means to be a mom in the 21st Century.  I'd be lost without all of the moms in my life, and I feel fortunate to be able to use what I've learned from each of you to help me be the type of mom Nora deserves.

Sugar and Spice

Sometimes, when Nora is being especially:
spirited
ornery
independent
curious
funny
or
squirmy,
all I can think is how much my dad would have adored her.

The Lathe of Heaven

My teaching semester is wrapping up.  Friday was my last day of teaching, today was the last regular lecture, my students turn in their final papers this week, and they sit for the final exam next week.  This means that while all of my preparatory work for the semester is completed, I still have quite a bit of grading to finish before I can call the semester complete and move onto more focused preparations for my comprehensive exam.

The last novel we covered in the class is the only one I hadn't read before: Ursula Le Guin's The Lathe of Heaven.  This novel seemed like a strange choice to me, but I have now come to believe it should be required reading for all perfectionists with control issues, like myself.  (Added bonus if you're from Portland, because that's where it's set.)  The main conflict of the novel is between two male characters: one of them is capable of altering reality through his dreams, and when his psychologist finds this out, he attempts to manipulate the patient's dreams in order to "improve" the world.  What the psychologist finds out, of course, is that he is rarely able to initiate the changes he'd like to see, and even when he succeeds, the changes he envisions don't turn out to have the results he intended.

Le Guin uses the characters to present two completely opposite worldviews: the psychologist who thinks every man's "purpose on earth" is "to do things, change things, run things, make a better world"  and the Daoist dreamer who says things like "I do know that it's wrong to force the pattern of things.  It won't do. It's been our mistake for a hundred years" (82).  In using these two men as exemplars of two oppositional ideologies, Le Guin is not particularly subtle.  The psychologist says things like "it's not how you get there, but where you get to that counts," while the dreamer disagrees, suggesting "We're in the world, not against it.  It doesn't work to try to stand outside things and run them that way.  It just doesn't work, it goes against life.  There is a way but you have to follow it.  The world is, no matter how we think it ought to be.  You have to be with it.  You have to let it be" (139, 140).  I don't think it's too much of a spoiler to reveal that in the end, the psychologist is responsible for his own demise after trying to take on too much and the dreamer is left to with the opportunity to continue following "the way."

So anyway, I've been giving this a lot of thought.  The other insights the book emphasizes are likewise thought provoking.  It suggests that you can't really know what is best for anyone else, and if you think you know how someone else should behave, it indicates your desire to exert control over them even if you think you have good intentions.  Likewise, the novel argues that even when you do a thing that you think is undoubtedly "good," you can't know for sure that it will only have positive outcomes.  I would argue that the book advocates trying to find your place in the world without indulging in the fantasy that you can exert ultimate control over anything that happens to you or to anyone else.  In a moment that was particularly resonant for me, the narrator suggests the dreamer "took it as it came.  He was living almost like a young child, among actualities only.  He was surprised by nothing, and by everything" (126).

I guess what the book has allowed me to do is achieve some critical distance from my own attitude about life, which has given me the opportunity to consider what some of its negative side effects might be.  I align with the psychologist, not the dreamer.  I don't often try to tell other people what to do, but I absolutely attempt to exert complete control over my own life.  I don't follow any path; I try to blaze my own.  On some level, becoming a mother has helped me to realize that this is an ultimately unsustainable way of being.  It has also made me fear that, because Nora feels like an extension of myself, I may someday find myself trying to govern her choices and their outcomes while ignoring the fact that doing so would be a glorified attempt to control her life in the same way I try to control my own.  I've written before about how spending time with Nora has helped me appreciate the benefits of slowing down, focusing on the moment I'm in, and worrying less about strict schedules and milestones.  Perhaps this is another way of saying she has helped me to recognize some of the benefits of living "among actualities only."  I already know some of life's greatest moments come from setting a goal, working toward it doggedly, and ultimately achieving it.  I think I'm only now beginning to learn that some completely unplanned and unforeseen moments can be equally gratifying.

Ideally, I'd like to be able to achieve a more harmonious balance between attempting to steer my own ship and learning to take things as they come.  I have the sense that this is likely to be something I'll continue trying to balance for the rest of my life.  I'm thankful to my professor for including this novel I never would have read otherwise on his syllabus.  This speaks to one of the reasons why literature is great: it gives us the chance to look at ourselves and our surroundings through different eyes.  It allows us, through the crafting of and the immersion within fictional worlds, to take a fresh look at the one we're living in.  Reading novels is one way of putting us in touch with what it means to be human.

Maybe you're more of a musical person than a literature person.  In that case, I've got something for you, too, off the Jason Mraz CD I just downloaded.  The general message is the same.




And I have one more, by Zac Brown Band:

Welcome Julia Naomi!

Our friends Erin and Brent welcomed their delivery surprise-- a baby girl!!-- into the world today and named her Julia Naomi.  Congratulations, Mama and Dad!!  We are so excited that she's here!

Erin texted me yesterday afternoon to say she had gone into labor, so I was checking my phone like a madwoman.  Her periodic updates and final reports made it clear that this birth was a real doozy, so I am extra proud of Erin for hanging in there and getting through it, and I'm so happy that she, Julia, and Brent are all healthy and happy!  When I noticed the text announcing Julia's arrival I started sobbing like a total idiot.  Erin, Brent, and I all started working at the same high school together in 2004, Erin was in our wedding, and I was in theirs, so it just feels perfect that we ended up having little girls who are only 6 months apart.

While Nora and I waited anxiously all day and night for the good news to arrive, we had to keep ourselves otherwise entertained.  Luckily, yesterday we assembled this toy from Nora's baby shower and she is already enthralled with it.  (My list doesn't tell me who it's from, but if you know who you are, thank you!)  She has already figured out all three ways to make the music start on it and she's been kicking the blocks around, so it is a trip to watch her banging away.  I like to think it kept her preoccupied while she was waiting to hear if her new friend was going to be a girl or a boy. : )  

Congratulations, Erin and Brent!  We can't wait to meet Julia and congratulate you all in person some day soon!