Thursday, October 17, 2013

Prospectus Filed!

I am so behind on posting!  But I did want to make sure to mark one accomplishment even before I get caught up: my dissertation prospectus was officially approved and filed with the graduate studies office last week!

I've been working on the prospectus since I passed my comprehensive exam last November, so it has been a long time coming.  One of the reasons it took so long is because I completely changed my research topic.  This meant doing a lot of new research, but it also meant I had to seek out and recruit new committee members to work with me.  Another reason it took so long is because I got the invaluable opportunity to work on the Katherine Anne Porter digitization project.  The actual composition of the prospectus felt like a sisyphean effort because it was the first thing I'd written since the spring of 2011.  Plus, it's a weird type of thing to write.  You have to do enough research to propose your topic as if you know exactly what your dissertation is going to say, but you haven't done the years of research it will take to uncover the actual claims your dissertation will make.

Most people in my program told me I should just get it done and move on.  I took that approach, generally, but I'm still really proud of the document.  I worked hard on it, and I think chances are good that my dissertation will end up looking something like what I've proposed it to be.  We'll see about that, I guess.

The title is "A Womb With a View: The Discourse of Reproductive Modernism in American Women's Fiction."  In short, I've proposed that my dissertation will reveal the shared experiences and repeated patterns across the lives and works of Mary Hunter Austin, H.D., Josephine Herbst, and Katherine Anne Porter.  It will investigate their various ways of grappling with issues related to reproduction and maternity in their work, and it will argue that their work constitutes the previously unrecognized discourse that I've named reproductive modernism.  In so doing, the dissertation will bring together two complementary feminist projects that have run largely parallel to one another-- modernist studies of gender and feminist studies of maternity.

I owe a big thank you to all the people who've encouraged me as I worked toward this milestone.  If you're interested in reading the prospectus, or even the one page abstract, get in touch with me via email.  I'm happy to share it.

Now... onto the next thing!

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Rocky Acre Farm Bed and Breakfast

We've been crazy busy this month, but I wanted to write up a quick post about our recent trip to Rocky Acre Farm in Pennsylvania with Billy's family.  The Bed and Breakfast is in an old farm house that is situated on an active dairy farm, so in addition to offering nice accommodations and an amazing breakfast spread, they let you try out various aspects of dairy farm life while you're there.  Billy's family members planned the whole trip, which meant all we had to do was show up and enjoy the experience.  It was a fascinating couple of days.  Nora was amazed by all of the sights and sounds, and more than anything she loved getting to spend so much time with her second cousins, Cash and Lily.  It is such a pleasure to see her warming up to everyone in the family as she gets older.  I often say that if Nora is going to be spoiled, I want her to be "spoiled" by having the chance to participate in all different kinds of experiences.  This was the best kind of short weekend away-- we got to spend it with family and we also got to observe and participate in a completely different way of life.  I don't know how much of it Nora will remember, if at all, but I'm thankful to have the opportunity to show her, from the beginning, that people follow all different kinds of paths to finding content, fulfilling lives.

I only took a few pictures, so I am also indebted to Billy's family members for snapping most of these!  They give you a great idea of all of the kid-friendly activities that are available for guests at the bed and breakfast.

A "train" ride around the property in 55 gallon drums:





A hay ride through the Lancaster County countryside:



A pony for the kids to ride:



A chicken coop where you were allowed to collect eggs:



A ride behind a tractor:


Milking the cows:


Feeding the baby cows:



Riding the play equipment:



And spending time with the family!




Thank you again to everyone in Billy's family who made this experience happen!

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Toddler Firsts

Nora may be rapidly approaching two, but she still has so many new things to experience!  This month has brought several firsts for Nora that we wanted to share with the family.

First Orioles game!
Since "sitting still" is not a skill Nora has shown any interest in mastering, we didn't think she'd be attending any games until next season.  However, Billy's aunt and uncle were recently unable to use their tickets to sit at the bistro tables in the all-you-can-eat section.  Since this would make it easy for us to be up and down with Nora, we appreciated the chance to take her to the ballpark!  As a bonus, Nora got to share the experience with her grandparents, great grand parents, and great aunt and uncle!  She and I also did one lap around the concourse, and she was quite a hit in her little Orioles dress.  She even knows how to cheer "Go Orioles!" and learned to shout "charge!" at the right moment while at the game. But I think eating chocolate ice cream with her dad seemed to be her favorite part, which is my own most distinct memory of attending A's games with my dad when I was a kid.








First Navy Football Game!
Although I took Nora to join the family at the Navy tailgate for one of the games last year, she was only there for an hour or two.  This time, we drove down to the stadium after she woke up from her nap to spend the whole afternoon there, and she loved the whole experience!  Although she didn't last long in the season ticket seats, she loved dancing around on the lawn in the general admission area.  Once again, she got to share this milestone with plenty of family members-- Gram, Pop, Uncle Brian, Aunt Vickie, and Tres all joined us for a great day!







First Haircut!
I trimmed Nora's bangs when she was a few months old, but it has been growing out so nicely since then that we've just let it grow.  And it sure has grown!  Lately, though it has been getting tangly after the bath and her curls have lost a lot of their spring.  We took her to a local kids haircut salon, but even they weren't quite prepared for her unique features.  She was so short and her hair was so long that the stylist couldn't really cut it well until she had Nora stand on the floor.  It wasn't easy to get her to look in the right direction, but she was calm and cooperative otherwise.  We were a little sad to say goodbye to her impressively long locks, but her layered clavicut is right on trend and her curls are full of bounce again!








Sunday, September 8, 2013

I'm Surprised to See You Here

We started school at UMd this past week.  I will be juggling as many balls as ever this semester, but I'm looking forward to most of them.  I'm hoping to finish my prospectus shortly so I can begin working on the first chapter of my dissertation.  I'm preparing for the German translation exam I must take to satisfy the program's foreign language requirement. I'm still working 10 hours a week for the Katherine Anne Porter Correspondence project.  And I have the same teaching assignment I did last semester-- teaching two discussion sections of a senior Professor's lecture class on the novel.

I was excited to begin this semester because it is the first time since, I don't know, forever? that I feel like I have my feet somewhat firmly beneath me.  This is what the past several semesters have been like, in a nutshell:
Spring 2010: taking two seminars, working 20 hours a week in the Business Office, stressed out about being on the PhD waitlist, overwhelmed by my MA capstone.
Fall 2010: Teaching 101 for the first time, taking three seminars, working a few hours a week in the business office, worrying about my dad, trying to get pregnant, hoping Vickie would be able to find a job she deserved.
Spring 2011: Taking three seminars, working 10 hours a week in the Business Office, mourning the death of my dad, managing his financial affairs, helping to plan his memorial, feeling exhausted and sick from pregnancy.
Fall 2011: On leave from school, finishing my pregnancy, giving birth to a new human, discovering I was completely unprepared to care for a colicky newborn but doing it anyway.
Spring 2012: Wishing I had taken a whole year off, TAing for two discussion sections of a new course, spending as little time on campus as possible so I could be home with Nora, feeling sleep deprived and constantly hungry, struggling to get any of my own work done.
Fall 2012: Teaching my first stand-alone literature class, preparing for and completing my comprehensive exams, pumping while wishing my daughter wasn't in full-time day care, wishing that day care wasn't 35 minutes from my house without traffic, trying to overcome the shock of the death of my grandfather.
Spring 2013: TAing for a new lecture class, changing my research topic, researching for my prospectus, working 10 hours a week on the KAP project, getting sick every other week (2 emergency room trips included).

So yeah.  It has been A TIME.  This has not allowed a lot of flexibility in my schedule for, say, stopping to grab coffee with a friend I run into in the copy room.  Nor has it allowed me to attend many of the events my department regularly hosts.  For example, the only reason I was able to make it to a particularly important department event while pregnant was because the miracle that is Zofran ended the 36 straight hours of vomiting that preceded it.  There is no doubt, in my mind, about whether my absence at these types of events marks a lack of commitment to the program or to my degree.  It absolutely does not. And those who know me understand this, too.  But in any case, my absence has been hard to not notice, so I don't blame any one of the many (and I mean, like, every) friend or colleague who has recently said to me some variation of "I'm surprised to see you here!"  Surprised to see me at the orientation lunch (for a 30 minute break from the library job).  Surprised to see me at the Center for Teaching Excellence student engagement seminar.  Surprised to see me around the building.  Surprised to see me at the Alumni Lecture, reception, and dinner afterward.

I understand why they're surprised.  And the vast majority of them are surprised and pleased to see me, rather than trying to suggest that I should have been attending these events more regularly.  I feel a little awkward about this observation, though, because I would have really liked to be able to spend more time with these friends and to have attended more of these events.  So I find myself responding with comments like, "I'm glad to be back!" or "It's nice to feel like I'm part of the program again!" or "Nora loves school so I don't have to feel guilty about leaving her there an extra 30 minutes."  (Well, I'm still calling it school, not day care, so the residual guilt is still there, but that's another post.)

The alumni lecture was Friday.  I couldn't not attend: Lara Vetter, the alum who gave the lecture, writes on female Modernists and contributed to a digitization project while at Maryland (sound familiar?).  Plus, the dinner was hosted by a professor who sat on my exam committee and another who put in a good word to help me get the KAP job.  It still wasn't easy for me to swing, though.  It meant getting Nora out the door by 7am, meeting with my fellow TA from 9-10, teaching from 10-12, prepping from 12-1, working on the KAP project from 1-4, and then hustling back across campus for the lecture. Since I left the party early and still didn't get home until 10pm, it meant Billy had to leave work early to pick Nora up from school and was on his own with her for the rest of the evening.  In the interest of comparison, I'll share that someone told me mid-day Friday that she might come to the lecture but she really wanted to get home and get caught up on Breaking Bad, so she wasn't sure-- but she did hear that there was going to be wine there.

Dr. Vetter had so many interesting and useful things to say that I was instantly glad this other colleague and I had set aside our respective family/child and Netflix obligations to attend the talk.  One thing Dr. Vetter talked about was what she wishes she had known when she went on the job market.  She gave a lot of specific, helpful advice, but what it mostly boiled down to was: Be confident but not arrogant and Have your shit together.

At any other point in the past several years, this might have made me feel like I have no hope of ever landing a good academic job.  My confidence in my ability to achieve my personal and professional goals at the same time has been waning over the past few years.  I feel like every day there has been a reminder that I have not had my shit together (or, at least, not as together as it used to be).  But this semester, for the first time in years, it feels like I'm finally in the driver's seat.  I know better than to expect this to continue.  Something else will come up.  But in the meantime, it is nice to feel like I might be able to get things done.  Like I'm ready to teach the course I'm assigned.  Like I'm comfortable with how little I know about digitizing correspondence and ready to learn more.  Like I'm nearing completion on my prospectus.  Like Billy and I are managing to take good care of our daughter and she is thriving.  Like I can go out with my husband on a Wednesday night as long as Vickie or my in-laws are willing to babysit Nora.

It's a good place to be.  And it's about time, I guess, to find out how well I can work when the balls I'm juggling are not quite so heavy or cumbersome... before I run out of funding.  But that's for another post, too.


with Nora on my first day of school

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Last Day // First Day

Friday was Nora's last day in her toddler classroom.  I tried to capture a "last day of school" picture, but she was too busy pointing out her elbow, the airplane, and the flowers.  Moving up to the two year old classroom is a bittersweet change for us.  We'll both miss her toddler teachers-- they took such good care of her, helped her to learn so many new things, brought out the best in her personality, and helped put me at ease about leaving her so I can work.  We know she's ready for the move, though, because she really loves being around older kids, moving up means she'll be reunited with her older friends, and it will give her the chance to learn new and different things.


Although she's been visiting the two year old classroom for several weeks, Monday was her first full day there.  When I picked her up in the afternoon, I asked how her day was and she gave it some thought before answering, "Good!" That was when I really knew she is getting to be the "big girl" she claims to be, because on her first day of day care and her first day in the toddler room, she burst into tears as soon as she saw me.  

I had tried to take her first day of school picture that morning, but she wasn't much more interested in posing then, either.  Here she is dancing to her favorite song and demanding that I sing it "more Mommy, more!"



These may not be the best pictures I've ever taken of her, but all I can think when I see them is: my dear little spirited Nora Jane, I hope the sun always shines on you each time you start a new chapter of your life.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Oregon Visit: Portland

After a great couple of days in Bend, we drove back to Portland for the second half of our vacation.  Nora spent the night at Oma's house on Saturday, which allowed me and Billy to attend our first Portland Timbers game with my good friends Krista and Jordan.  I've been hoping to go see the Timbers since they started playing in MLS, and although I love Krista and Jordan's girls, it was nice to have an adults-only night for just the four of us.  Mom did a great job of making Nora feel at home, so we enjoyed a relaxing and fun evening!


It is both comforting and heartbreaking to go up to Dad's niche with Nora and Billy.  It's nice to have a place where we can "visit" Dad, but it also makes me more aware than ever of how unfair it is that Nora and Dad never got to meet each other.  Each of them would have loved the other one so much.  While we were there Nora ran around, picked flowers, and pooped her diaper.  I laughed to myself when I realized that choosing this moment to poop was kind of the perfect tribute-- it was like her way of letting Dad know that her colon is in perfect working order. : )  I asked her to say "Bye Bye, Grandpa," which she did, and then I said "I love you," and she said "I love you, Grandpa."  It is so hard.






We also had a chance to meet up with a bunch of my high school friends, their kids, and their husbands.  I try to organize some sort of get-together each year, so while I've seen most of these friends in the past year or two,  I haven't seen several of them since our college years!  Everyone's kids were so much fun to watch, and Nora loved playing with the big kids.  This was the first time she could really play with Krista's girls, Clara and Evie, and I loved watching them run around together.  Later in the week, another of my childhood friends, Katie, stopped by with her daughter, Delia, who Nora and I were excited to meet for the first time!






Although we were only in Portland for a couple of days, we got to spend plenty of time hanging out at Oma's house, too.  Nora always remembers exactly who Oma is and takes no time at all to warm up to her.  Mom must know the secret to getting on Nora's level and interacting with her on her terms.  We took a trip to the Portland Zoo, and Nora enjoyed the whole experience, but her favorite part might have been the snow cone Mom shared with her.  She kept saying "nother bite Oma?" over and over until it was gone!





Nate and Everett made the drive from Bend to join us, which meant we were able to spend two extra days with them.  Vickie came back through town before flying back to Maryland, and Billy camped out at the hotel with Nora so I could spend an evening with Mom, Nate, and Vickie.  There were a lot of fun things we did on this trip, but having a chance to relax with my family is what made it really special.





Nate and Everett also joined us for a lunch date with the Shiras, which gave us a chance to see Nora, Everett, Connor, and Caleb all interacting with each other.  The boys are getting so big, I can hardly believe it!  But they are so great with Nora that I was not surprised to see them look after Everett, too.  I know my Dad would have given anything to see them all together, so I tried to savor the moment instead of feeling sad that he wasn't there.




And although my Mimi and Papa never lived in Portland, our visits there make me think of them, too.  We like to stay in the hotel just across the river from West Linn because it is convenient, affordable, and right on the Willamette River.  It's next door to the motorhome campground my grandparents stayed in when they were visiting Dad, so when we took Nora down to the water to look at ducks and throw rocks, I was imagining how much Papa would have loved to show her around the camping area.




That wraps up the photos I have to share from our trip as well as the details I thought people might be interested to know.  I definitely think this set a record for the number of people we were able to see on a trip home, as well as the number of events we were able to attend.  It's no wonder Nora slept the whole way home and has slept in each day since we returned!


Now we are ready to get back to school!