Mama, PhD

After what feels like a very long wait, Billy and I are excited to announce that 

we're expecting a baby!

At 7 weeks, Baby D just looked like a throbbing bean.

At 12 weeks, Baby D looked like a real baby!  With little feet!

As we've shared this news with our family and closest friends, a series of frequently asked questions have arisen, so I thought a good "first post" about the baby would include the answers to those questions.

Were you guys trying to get pregnant?
Yes.  We were trying the only way Billy and I know how to "try": with a lot of cheerful optimism, advanced planning, diligence, and determination.  Since I began thinking about getting my PhD, we decided that I would finish my coursework in my first year so we could have a baby during the summer between my first and second years.  This time last year, I talked to the doctors, got the screens, and started taking the vitamins.  When I didn't conceive during the four month window that would have allowed me to have the baby during the summer, we decided to keep trying, even though it would force me to take a semester off.  Except it wasn't much of a decision.  It felt like a no-brainer.  I worked really hard to get a full semester ahead in my studies in order to have the baby, so even after I take a semester off, I'll still be on schedule in my program.  And more importantly, we'll have a baby.  Win-win!

When did you guys find out?
On February 12, which was exactly a month after we lost Dad.  In that moment, I learned that it's possible for your heart to swell and to break simultaneously.  We finally had the news we'd been waiting for since we started planning years ago, but I couldn't tell one of the people I had looked forward to sharing it with most.  Wishing I could talk to my Dad about the baby continues to be difficult for me each step of the way, and I'm thankful to my family members who have reminded me how he would have reacted to each piece of news.

When are you due?
October 19.  The timing feels great now that I'm nearing the end of what has been a very, very difficult academic year (both professionally and personally).  After this semester ends, I'll have several months to spend with Billy getting ready for the baby to come.  I'll get to prepare for my spring comprehensive exams at my own pace, as I feel like reading, during my extended time off.  After the baby comes, I'll be home all of November, December, and most of January before I go back to work in earnest at the start of spring semester.

Are you going to find out if it's a boy or a girl?
Yes. We think it is a girl.  At last week's nuchal translucency screening, the ultrasound tech and the doctor both gave us the "educated guess" that the baby is a girl (independently of one another).  We'll find out for sure at the end of May.  (The nuchal translucency screening also revealed that the baby is growing healthily and has a very, very low risk of chromosomal abnormalities, so that made for a doubly exciting visit.)

Do you have names picked out?
No.  We have begun thinking about names, but this feels like a huge decision!  We've also decided that we want the baby's name to be a surprise, so once we do pick it, we're going to wait until the baby is born before we tell anyone else.

How are you feeling?
Now that I'm into my second trimester, I've been feeling better most days.  For about two weeks, I was sick every day for most of the day.  I tried every suggestion Billy and I could find, and though some of them helped, nothing made me feel better.  After I spent 30 straight hours throwing up during week 7, my doctor prescribed me Zofran, an anti-nausea medication created for chemotherapy patients.  It works almost immediately and eliminates the nausea completely.  I had to take it daily through week 12, but since then I've been feeling well enough some days to go without it.  Feeling badly kept me from exercising, which was hard, since that is my best stress coping mechanism.  I'm able to walk/jog now, so that has me feeling better.  I've also learned that pregnancy fatigue is no joke.  I have trouble sleeping at night, but I need to stop to rest all day long.  It's simply impossible for me to push myself to the limits of productivity as a grad student, like I've done in the past. I'm trying to get as much work done as possible while still taking care of myself.  I've managed to stay afloat this long, and the end of the semester is in sight, so I'm looking forward to summer more than ever.

What an emotional couple of months, right?  I keep feeling like I'm going to look back on this semester from the future and it's going to be a complete blur.  I think that's okay, though.  What I hope I'll remember is that I got up every day and did my best to get through it.  Doing the work I care about has helped me keep moving forward.  The baby has helped me remember that at the end of the day, life is in the living, not in the working.  My husband is the best partner anyone could hope to have as we travel this road, and I'm excited to have the opportunity to spend a few more months alone with him before we get to become the family we've been planning for the past few years.

Thanks for taking an interest!  I miss my dad's love, and I miss it already on behalf of the baby, but I know that I'm well loved in his absence and that the baby's cup runneth over-- and she's not even here yet!  The posts might be short between now and the end of May, but I'll do my best to keep everyone updated on the baby and the end of the semester.

(Mama, PhD is at the very top of my summer reading list.  All the academic style bloggers with kids rave about it.  In a world where there are limited resources for women who want to have families and academic careers, I'm thankful to Rutgers UP for printing this book.)