Nora was babbling away again today, although she was focusing mostly on saying "Mama." We tried to get it on video but weren't very successful. She is pretty mesmerized by the camera and spends most of the time reaching for it, so these aren't her best vocalization efforts, but at least you can get the idea until we have better video to share. And also, she's ticklish. : )
Monday, May 28, 2012
Beloved Baby Gear
Do other parents get emotionally attached to the gear they use to care for their babies and the clothes their babies wear? I do. When Nora switched from newborn clothes to 3mo clothes, I remember being more excited than sad; she had a lot of cute 3mo clothes I couldn't wait to put her in. Retiring those clothes to replace them with the 6mo clothes left me with a tinge of remorse, though. She's so little that she still fits into her 6mo clothes, but I anticipate getting nostalgic when it's time to cycle them out for the 9mo wardrobe.I felt the same way when I was putting away her swing the other day. She hasn't used it much in a month or two, and it takes up a lot of room next to my bed, so I was actually kind of looking forward to putting it away. But when I was disassembling it, I started thinking about how we bought it after 3 or 4 desperate days of taking turns holding her around the clock when she was sick. It took up so much room next to my bed that it displaced her sleeper bed, and she slept in it while it was turned off for several more weeks until we moved her into her own bedroom. It reminded me of how, for the month or so that she was impossibly colicky, the best part of every day was when she'd wake up happy and I'd roll over and see her swaddled and smiling at me from the swing. Billy and I would laugh when we'd put her down to sleep for the night and she'd crane her neck backwards to be able to see the TV, requiring us to drape a shirt behind her to block her view.
So while my Baby K'Tan carrier's lifespan might have been shorter, I can't say enough good things about it. I love this thing and am legitimately sad to be packing it away. It quite literally saved my arms, my back, my legs, and my sanity when Nora was colicky. If you spend any time online reading about colicky babies, you will discover posts by people who claim their babies did not stop crying for hours, no matter what they did. Thankfully, I discovered early in Nora's colic that if I put her in the K'Tan and bounced on the exercise ball long enough, she would always stop crying and eventually fall asleep. This never failed, and for the entire month of December, I spent several hours a day bouncing like this. I think I will always remember sitting on the ball with Nora in the carrier for the duration of watching Midnight in Paris and The Help back to back because every time I tried to stand up, she'd wake and start screaming.
We have a Baby Bjorn, as well, but Nora has never liked that one. I guess Baby K'Tan's claims that it replicates the womb are legitimate. It was also so easy to get her in and out of it because of its double loop design. When people would watch me wrap her up it, their response was always the same: "How does that thing work?" I don't blame them, because just looking at the directions for using the Moby (another popular wrap carrier) makes my head spin. My carrier is also the only thing that allowed me to take Nora out in public during that colic phase because she would scream her head off in her stroller. My baby doesn't just love to be held, she demands to be held, and even when she was crying, having her wrapped up close to my heart and knowing that she would calm down if I kept at it long enough soothed me, too.
My friend Krista has given me countless bits of excellent parenting advice, but recommending this carrier was easily one of the most useful things she's ever said. It could have cost four times as much and still would have been worth every penny my sister paid for it, and I'm so thankful to her for not blinking an eye when I said "Look, this thing isn't on my registry because it has to be purchased online, but I need you to get it for me." If you want to know what one thing I could not have survived Nora's first 6 months without, it's this carrier, hands down.
Maybe I'll someday grow to love the Ergo just as much. Maybe I'll take Nora to even more memorable places in that one than I have in the K'Tan. But the K'Tan will always hold a special place in my heart, and if I'm fortunate enough to have Baby #2, I know I will be excited to get it back out and use it to wrap up my brand new baby. It feels kind of stupid to be writing a love letter about an object, but it's quite simple, really: This carrier is the first thing that made me feel like a good Mom, and I will always cherish the time I've spent snuggling my baby in it.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Mamama & Da
Nora is "talking"! She has no idea what she is doing, but it is adorable. She has been making noises that sound a lot like "Hi!" and "Yeah!" for a couple weeks now, except those "words" make her sound like she has a bit of a southern accent. Since I spend a lot of time having nonsense conversations with her, this has created a few really funny moments where she appears to be answering my questions, like when I recently asked her "Nora, did you poop?" and she said "yeah!" immediately thereafter.
Yesterday I went to get my Mother's Day massage and returned to the news that when Billy got Nora up from her nap, she said a clear "Mama" and, when prompted, followed it up with a clear "Dada." She babbled a bit throughout the day but didn't start saying these "words" again until this afternoon, when she would not stop! The number of times she repeats the syllable "ma" and "da" changes all the time, and she is also a fan of "ba," but it does definitely sound like she is beginning to get the hang of these "words." She also seems to be aware that we like it when she says them and gives the impression that she is playing along with our prompting.
We celebrated Memorial Day with a cookout at Billy's Aunt Nancy's house, so we had a chance to dress Nora up in the stars and stripes dress my Aunt Dana sent! Nora looked so adorable that I couldn't help wishing my cousin Christine and I'd had this dress back in the days when we used to wear coordinating outfits to the Bratz Bash on July 4.
Yesterday I went to get my Mother's Day massage and returned to the news that when Billy got Nora up from her nap, she said a clear "Mama" and, when prompted, followed it up with a clear "Dada." She babbled a bit throughout the day but didn't start saying these "words" again until this afternoon, when she would not stop! The number of times she repeats the syllable "ma" and "da" changes all the time, and she is also a fan of "ba," but it does definitely sound like she is beginning to get the hang of these "words." She also seems to be aware that we like it when she says them and gives the impression that she is playing along with our prompting.
We celebrated Memorial Day with a cookout at Billy's Aunt Nancy's house, so we had a chance to dress Nora up in the stars and stripes dress my Aunt Dana sent! Nora looked so adorable that I couldn't help wishing my cousin Christine and I'd had this dress back in the days when we used to wear coordinating outfits to the Bratz Bash on July 4.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
She looks like...
People are always asking us who Nora looks like or telling us who they think she looks like. I almost never see it. From the minute she was born, to me, she looked exactly like herself. I could always see a mix of me and Billy in her, but I never thought she looked more like she belonged to one family or the other.
The day after she was born, Patti brough Billy's newborn picture to the hospital to show us how much she looked like him when he was born. Even I could see that the similarities were quite striking.
It cracked me up to see the same head tilt and the same look in our eyes. Even the eyebrow angle is the same; expressions must be inherited, too! And for the first time, I could see why Patti thinks Nora has my chin.
Before she was born, Billy and I used to talk about things we wanted her to inherit from each of us, even though we didn't always agree. She got several of the physical characteristics we didnt want to pass down to her, but she still turned out absolutely perfect. : ) And while I'm glad she resembles each of us at different times, my answer to the "Who does she look like?" question remains the same: "She looks like our daughter."
The day after she was born, Patti brough Billy's newborn picture to the hospital to show us how much she looked like him when he was born. Even I could see that the similarities were quite striking.
The general consensus has been that as she's gotten older, Nora has begun to look less like Billy and more like me. For the most part, I think this is because her hair has gotten lighter and her eyes haven't gotten any darker. Usually, when people look at a picture and compare how Nora looks to how someone else looks, I still don't see it. I guess my brain just doesn't draw those parallels. But when Nate posted the picture from the crab house to facebook the other day with the caption "no-nonsense baby face," it immediately reminded me of my expression from a picture at our wedding reception.
Before she was born, Billy and I used to talk about things we wanted her to inherit from each of us, even though we didn't always agree. She got several of the physical characteristics we didnt want to pass down to her, but she still turned out absolutely perfect. : ) And while I'm glad she resembles each of us at different times, my answer to the "Who does she look like?" question remains the same: "She looks like our daughter."
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Packing the Car
Sometimes I wonder if I am repeating myself when I bring up these images that figure in my thinking on the blog. I guess if I don't remember whether or not I've written about it, people are unlikely to remember reading about it, so here goes.
I've always been good at packing. I have good "spatial awareness"or good "spatial-temporal reasoning" or whatever you want to call it. I'm really good with directions because I can almost always orient myself inside a city, a transit system, an unfamiliar building, etc. It also means I can look at an assortment of items, look at the space they need to fit into, and play the mental game of tetris required to get them in. I just see it; I've always been this way. I've been thinking about this a lot since becoming a mother. It feels like there are now way too many packages to fit in the car of my life. Since Nora was born, I feel like I've been shuffling them around, taking them in and out, trying to figure out which ones need to go on which trip and which ones can be left at home. (I also feel like I forget, trip over, and lose plenty of them, but that's perhaps better left to a different post.) I've come to accept that I'm never going to fit all the metaphorical packages into my metaphorical car all at once, and that's okay. This is a sign of good fortune, isn't it? To have more than enough metaphorical packages than one life can hold?
Even so, it's nice to be able to fit more of "me" into the car these days. I've finally been able to start running again. A few nights a week after Nora goes to sleep, Billy stays in so I can go for a run. (I've tried pushing her in the BOB, but that package doesn't fit yet. She gets cranky around one mile in, so she's in training to try to increase her distance, too.) I've been running the short loop around my house of about 2.25 miles, and then last night I got in my head that I was going to go 4 miles. I was surprised that I didn't have to stop to walk. It has been so long since I achieved a runner's high that I hardly recognized it when it struck, but it was such a welcome sensation. Having an iPhone also means I could reactivate my Nike+ account, which has been dormant since my iPod nano broke in early 2010. I've even managed to get my nails back in shape and to paint them a few times recently! This might seem exceptionally trivial to anyone else, but polished nails had become something of a trademark for me over the past few years, and it keeps me from biting them down to nubs, so it is nice to have them back.
It seems to be popular for a lot of moms to complain online about how they never get any time to themselves. They're "so busy taking care of their children that they don't even have a chance to shower!", etc. I'm pretty sure this is what kids today would call a #humblebrag. It's not difficult to come across postings which reveal a competition between moms trying to prove how little time they devote to themselves; I guess the implication is that the best moms only think of their children and never think of themselves. I don't subscribe to this martyr's mentality, though-- I belong to the "make sure I get a shower every day" school of motherhood. It's my opinion that if I'm not at my best, I can't give Nora my best, and I can't be at my best if I completely neglect my own well-being. First Lady Michelle Obama caused a minor stir around the holidays for suggesting something similar in this video clip (which also shows adorable Bo-themed decorations in the White House), but I agree with her wholeheartedly. I also agree that prioritizing your own needs is especially important behavior to model if you are a mother of a daughter, unless you want her to believe that she doesn't deserve to spend some time doing things for herself once she has children.
So I'm thankful that as Nora gets older, it continues to be easier for me to find time to devote to things that benefit her indirectly by improving my own mood. I think I'll always be shifting the packages in and out of the car, and her packages will always be important, but I insist that we both benefit when I can find a way to fit some of my own packages inside, too.
Now that summer's here, I hope I'll be able to figure out how to devote some serious time to my academic work. The blog is called Diaper Changes AND Doctoral Studies, after all.
I've always been good at packing. I have good "spatial awareness"or good "spatial-temporal reasoning" or whatever you want to call it. I'm really good with directions because I can almost always orient myself inside a city, a transit system, an unfamiliar building, etc. It also means I can look at an assortment of items, look at the space they need to fit into, and play the mental game of tetris required to get them in. I just see it; I've always been this way. I've been thinking about this a lot since becoming a mother. It feels like there are now way too many packages to fit in the car of my life. Since Nora was born, I feel like I've been shuffling them around, taking them in and out, trying to figure out which ones need to go on which trip and which ones can be left at home. (I also feel like I forget, trip over, and lose plenty of them, but that's perhaps better left to a different post.) I've come to accept that I'm never going to fit all the metaphorical packages into my metaphorical car all at once, and that's okay. This is a sign of good fortune, isn't it? To have more than enough metaphorical packages than one life can hold?
It seems to be popular for a lot of moms to complain online about how they never get any time to themselves. They're "so busy taking care of their children that they don't even have a chance to shower!", etc. I'm pretty sure this is what kids today would call a #humblebrag. It's not difficult to come across postings which reveal a competition between moms trying to prove how little time they devote to themselves; I guess the implication is that the best moms only think of their children and never think of themselves. I don't subscribe to this martyr's mentality, though-- I belong to the "make sure I get a shower every day" school of motherhood. It's my opinion that if I'm not at my best, I can't give Nora my best, and I can't be at my best if I completely neglect my own well-being. First Lady Michelle Obama caused a minor stir around the holidays for suggesting something similar in this video clip (which also shows adorable Bo-themed decorations in the White House), but I agree with her wholeheartedly. I also agree that prioritizing your own needs is especially important behavior to model if you are a mother of a daughter, unless you want her to believe that she doesn't deserve to spend some time doing things for herself once she has children.
So I'm thankful that as Nora gets older, it continues to be easier for me to find time to devote to things that benefit her indirectly by improving my own mood. I think I'll always be shifting the packages in and out of the car, and her packages will always be important, but I insist that we both benefit when I can find a way to fit some of my own packages inside, too.
Now that summer's here, I hope I'll be able to figure out how to devote some serious time to my academic work. The blog is called Diaper Changes AND Doctoral Studies, after all.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Family Weekend
It has been a nice weekend here in our house. I finished grading my students' final exams Friday night and submitted their grades on Saturday, so I am officially done for the semester! Vickie's boyfriend Tres is in town, so the two of them joined us for dinner last night. Vickie and Tres had agreed to stay here after we put Nora to bed so Billy and I could go out for our first "date" since Nora was born. We went to see "The Five-Year Engagement," which was perfectly suited to my sense of humor and featured a soundtrack heavy with Van Morrison. Plus, Nora is such a good nighttime sleeper that it was really the first time I've ever left her when I didn't have a nagging fear in the back of my mind that she might be fussy or difficult for the person who was watching her. It was nice, but strange, to be out with Billy without her. Even though we lived together for seven years before she was born, and she's only been here seven months, it's hard to believe that life was always like that for us before she came.
Today Tres and Vickie came along with us, Patti, Chuck, and Brian to get lunch at a popular crab house in Annapolis. Billy had read several great reviews of their crabs, but we'd never been there before. Tres was a good sport about the work required to "try" crabs and Nora was intrigued by all the new sights and sounds. She normally stays awake for about two hours between naps, so when the trip to the restaurant and the meal stretched her out to almost three hours, I was pleased that she made it all the way until we had asked for the check before she was cranky enough to necessitate getting up and walking around. Perhaps she knew that if I took her out to the outside seating area, she would get to hear two more people tell her how beautiful she was and compliment her on her crab themed outfit?
Since picking crabs is a Maryland ritual, we made sure to take a few pictures of her first exposure to them. She also got to see some Maryland Blue Crabs getting ready to be steamed on her tour of the parking lot and dock.
She crashed in her carseat on her way home, and Vickie took this adorable picture of her sleeping. I know every mom probably thinks her own baby is the cutest one she's ever seen, but she is just too perfect!
Thanks to Vickie and Tres for allowing us a night out and to Patti and Chuck for treating us to lunch! This weekend was the perfect way to kick off my "summer"!
Today Tres and Vickie came along with us, Patti, Chuck, and Brian to get lunch at a popular crab house in Annapolis. Billy had read several great reviews of their crabs, but we'd never been there before. Tres was a good sport about the work required to "try" crabs and Nora was intrigued by all the new sights and sounds. She normally stays awake for about two hours between naps, so when the trip to the restaurant and the meal stretched her out to almost three hours, I was pleased that she made it all the way until we had asked for the check before she was cranky enough to necessitate getting up and walking around. Perhaps she knew that if I took her out to the outside seating area, she would get to hear two more people tell her how beautiful she was and compliment her on her crab themed outfit?
Since picking crabs is a Maryland ritual, we made sure to take a few pictures of her first exposure to them. She also got to see some Maryland Blue Crabs getting ready to be steamed on her tour of the parking lot and dock.
She crashed in her carseat on her way home, and Vickie took this adorable picture of her sleeping. I know every mom probably thinks her own baby is the cutest one she's ever seen, but she is just too perfect!
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Nora's First Tooth
As I've mentioned, Nora cut her first bottom tooth a few weeks ago and its partner finally broke through last week. The first one continues to push its way upward and she seems to be having a great time using her tongue and her fingers to try to figure out what it's doing in her mouth. I just realized today that the tooth is visible in one of her 7 month photos, so I thought I'd post an enlarged version of it to let everyone see her latest accomplishment!
Monday, May 14, 2012
Lucky Number 7
Billy and I like to think of 7 as our lucky number since we got married on 07.07.07, so perhaps we should have known that we would be enjoying Nora more than ever at 7 months old. She is just so much fun these days. The older she gets, the more she engages with us, the better she understands the world around her, and the more we get to know her little personality. She is starting to develop skills that make her seem more like a little kid and less like a baby, such as sitting up, standing, eating, and mimicking everything we do. There are a few things I am starting to miss about when she was an itty bitty baby, like how cuddly she was, but interacting with her now is so rewarding that I never find myself wishing we could go back in time.
The sleeper bed I use for her monthday photos used to be her favorite place to be when she wasn't being held. She loved being swaddled and cuddled up in her secure little pocket, but now that she has more control of her body, she was ready to get out of there after cooperating with a few pictures. : ) Even if she's small for her age, we can still tell she's growing. Her toes hang off the front of the seat and her head is starting to reach the top! I first started using this chair for the photos because it was the only way to get a good look at her. Now that she can steadily sit unassisted, though, you can really see what she looks like! The month sticker that used to fill her torso looks so small on her belly, and if you look carefully, you can tell it's crinkled up from her attempts to get it off her shirt. Apparently she knows paper does not belong on clothes. : )
Developmentally, she is building up toward some big milestones. She is much happier on her belly now, and she trades off between sleeping on her back, side, and tummy. She lunges toward everything in an attempt to grasp it, especially if it's something Billy and I frequently hold, like cups, phones, remotes, or water bottles. She pushes up really well with her arms or pushes her bum up in the air, but she hasn't figured out how to do them both at the same time so she can crawl. She can hold herself up on her legs, and will stand for long periods if I stabilize her, but she isn't pulling herself up yet. She makes a noise which sounds a lot like "Hi!", mimics the sounds of other words a lot more accurately, and is starting to wave with more control and some level of awareness about what she's doing. She reaches up to me when she wants me to pick her up and helps me get her out of the carseat by leaning forward. If we stop bouncing her around, singing to her, or doing anything else she'd like us to continue, she lets us know by kicking her leg, batting at us with her hand, or bouncing her head. She's so curious while nursing that she frequently pulls off to check things out around the room or smile at Billy before using her hand to latch herself back on with no help from me. Getting her to latch initially required such a careful set of precise maneuvers that if you'd told me six months ago that she'd develop the ability to do it herself, I never would have believed you. She seems to be acquiring new skills so quickly that sometimes I start to wonder if one day she's just going to crawl over to the couch, pull herself up, and shout "Mama!" all in one motion. : )
The other thing that makes life easier for all of us is that Nora has really adopted the sleeping habits we've been working so hard to instill in her. Sleep training is a pretty controversial issue in mommyland, and I don't want to suggest that what has worked for us is best for every family, but Nora has responded very well to the consistent strategies we've tried so hard to implement. She sleeps around 12-13 hours a night, waking once or twice to nurse, and naps 2 or 3 times a day, depending on the duration of the naps. In the past month, her naps have gotten longer and her sleep transitions have become mostly seamless. She still will not choose to go to sleep on her own-- when I see pictures of babies who've fallen asleep on their play mats, all I can do is scratch my head in wonder-- but the nap routine has indeed become a routine that she clearly understands as her signal to put herself to sleep. Once she's down in her crib in the dark, she is so good at soothing herself to sleep that I can hardly believe it. A well rested Nora is a happy Nora, so the fact that these habits are really starting to stick also plays a large part in why we have such a happy baby most of the time.
We're trying to enjoy every day as much as we can, but at the same time, if she's this much fun at 7 months old, we can't wait to see what her 8th monthday has in store!
The sleeper bed I use for her monthday photos used to be her favorite place to be when she wasn't being held. She loved being swaddled and cuddled up in her secure little pocket, but now that she has more control of her body, she was ready to get out of there after cooperating with a few pictures. : ) Even if she's small for her age, we can still tell she's growing. Her toes hang off the front of the seat and her head is starting to reach the top! I first started using this chair for the photos because it was the only way to get a good look at her. Now that she can steadily sit unassisted, though, you can really see what she looks like! The month sticker that used to fill her torso looks so small on her belly, and if you look carefully, you can tell it's crinkled up from her attempts to get it off her shirt. Apparently she knows paper does not belong on clothes. : )
Developmentally, she is building up toward some big milestones. She is much happier on her belly now, and she trades off between sleeping on her back, side, and tummy. She lunges toward everything in an attempt to grasp it, especially if it's something Billy and I frequently hold, like cups, phones, remotes, or water bottles. She pushes up really well with her arms or pushes her bum up in the air, but she hasn't figured out how to do them both at the same time so she can crawl. She can hold herself up on her legs, and will stand for long periods if I stabilize her, but she isn't pulling herself up yet. She makes a noise which sounds a lot like "Hi!", mimics the sounds of other words a lot more accurately, and is starting to wave with more control and some level of awareness about what she's doing. She reaches up to me when she wants me to pick her up and helps me get her out of the carseat by leaning forward. If we stop bouncing her around, singing to her, or doing anything else she'd like us to continue, she lets us know by kicking her leg, batting at us with her hand, or bouncing her head. She's so curious while nursing that she frequently pulls off to check things out around the room or smile at Billy before using her hand to latch herself back on with no help from me. Getting her to latch initially required such a careful set of precise maneuvers that if you'd told me six months ago that she'd develop the ability to do it herself, I never would have believed you. She seems to be acquiring new skills so quickly that sometimes I start to wonder if one day she's just going to crawl over to the couch, pull herself up, and shout "Mama!" all in one motion. : )The other thing that makes life easier for all of us is that Nora has really adopted the sleeping habits we've been working so hard to instill in her. Sleep training is a pretty controversial issue in mommyland, and I don't want to suggest that what has worked for us is best for every family, but Nora has responded very well to the consistent strategies we've tried so hard to implement. She sleeps around 12-13 hours a night, waking once or twice to nurse, and naps 2 or 3 times a day, depending on the duration of the naps. In the past month, her naps have gotten longer and her sleep transitions have become mostly seamless. She still will not choose to go to sleep on her own-- when I see pictures of babies who've fallen asleep on their play mats, all I can do is scratch my head in wonder-- but the nap routine has indeed become a routine that she clearly understands as her signal to put herself to sleep. Once she's down in her crib in the dark, she is so good at soothing herself to sleep that I can hardly believe it. A well rested Nora is a happy Nora, so the fact that these habits are really starting to stick also plays a large part in why we have such a happy baby most of the time.
We're trying to enjoy every day as much as we can, but at the same time, if she's this much fun at 7 months old, we can't wait to see what her 8th monthday has in store!
Sunday, May 13, 2012
My First Mother's Day
As Mother's Day approached this year, it did not really occur to me that this was now a holiday that was supposed to celebrate me. I feel like I should reflect on what it feels like to be a mother this year, but for some reason, my main feeling about today is that I'm so thankful my body gave me the opportunity to be a mother. My body has spent the last year growing, delivering, and nourishing a beautiful, healthy, baby girl. I've made the effort to remain healthy and active through my pregnancy and since Nora was born, but mostly I feel like my body did these things on its own with very little input from me. I'm so thankful that this little bundle of energy is part of my life now that I feel like I owe my body a big Thank you! for making her life possible.
While the physical fact of being a mother feels largely out of my control, the notes I've received from loved ones have touched me and helped me to feel encouraged about all the time and energy I've put into trying to be a good mother. Nora finally cut her second bottom tooth on Thursday, and ever since then she has been happier than ever. Billy gave me a really sweet card and a gift certificate to get a massage. I love being a mom, but the daily rigors of caring for a little one and making constant decisions about what she needs takes a physical and mental toll on me, so the massage feels like the perfect gift. My own mother even sent me a bouquet of flowers to congratulate me on celebrating my first Mother's Day! When cards from my grandmother and sister as well as nice notes from plenty of others continued to arrive, it really kind of hit me that this was now a holiday that applies to me. Being Nora's mom is starting to feel like second nature at this point, but being "a mother" still feels like it is somehow outside my experience.
Yesterday we celebrated Mother's Day with our little family of three by visiting a nearby park, where we had a picnic lunch and walked around to show Nora the livestock there. She saw a baby cow, a big cow, rabbits, chickens, baby chicks, and lambs, but she was most interested in the dog a woman was walking nearby on a leash. So I guess we can be sure we have the right animal in our house! We also went to another farm nearby which has several greenhouses full of flowers, and Nora loved looking around at all the arrangements hanging from above. Today we spent the day with Billy's family, first stopping up at his parent's house to give Patti her cards and flowers, and then going up to his Aunt Mary's to have a delicious meal with several of the family members, including MomMom, Nora's great grandmother on Patti's side. Being with two other generations of mothers and my daughter made it interesting to think about how much more enjoyment motherhood has in store for me while also wondering about what things will be like for Nora if she eventually decides to become a mother.
Maybe next year, with more mothering under my belt, I'll feel more like this day is a celebration of me. I did want to commemorate my first Mother's Day with Nora, though, so I had Billy take a few pictures of us here at home.
Most of all, I'd like to say HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all the other moms in my life. In my own family, my mom, both my grandmothers, and my aunts have inspired me to want to become a mom and helped me learn what kind of mother I want to be. This is our family's first mother's day without our Gramma Kingston, who viewed being a mother as one of her most important jobs. I know my mom must be missing her even more today than usual, but I also know Gramma would be proud to see how quickly my mom has taken to being a grandmother and how much she has encouraged me as I find my way in this new role. My husband's mom, Patti, his grandmothers, and his aunts have also helped me learn the value of nourishing the mother/child bond within the context of a tight-knit and supportive extended family. And finally, I'd like to thank my friends who've helped me navigate what it means to be a mom in the 21st Century. I'd be lost without all of the moms in my life, and I feel fortunate to be able to use what I've learned from each of you to help me be the type of mom Nora deserves.
Yesterday we celebrated Mother's Day with our little family of three by visiting a nearby park, where we had a picnic lunch and walked around to show Nora the livestock there. She saw a baby cow, a big cow, rabbits, chickens, baby chicks, and lambs, but she was most interested in the dog a woman was walking nearby on a leash. So I guess we can be sure we have the right animal in our house! We also went to another farm nearby which has several greenhouses full of flowers, and Nora loved looking around at all the arrangements hanging from above. Today we spent the day with Billy's family, first stopping up at his parent's house to give Patti her cards and flowers, and then going up to his Aunt Mary's to have a delicious meal with several of the family members, including MomMom, Nora's great grandmother on Patti's side. Being with two other generations of mothers and my daughter made it interesting to think about how much more enjoyment motherhood has in store for me while also wondering about what things will be like for Nora if she eventually decides to become a mother.
Maybe next year, with more mothering under my belt, I'll feel more like this day is a celebration of me. I did want to commemorate my first Mother's Day with Nora, though, so I had Billy take a few pictures of us here at home.
Most of all, I'd like to say HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all the other moms in my life. In my own family, my mom, both my grandmothers, and my aunts have inspired me to want to become a mom and helped me learn what kind of mother I want to be. This is our family's first mother's day without our Gramma Kingston, who viewed being a mother as one of her most important jobs. I know my mom must be missing her even more today than usual, but I also know Gramma would be proud to see how quickly my mom has taken to being a grandmother and how much she has encouraged me as I find my way in this new role. My husband's mom, Patti, his grandmothers, and his aunts have also helped me learn the value of nourishing the mother/child bond within the context of a tight-knit and supportive extended family. And finally, I'd like to thank my friends who've helped me navigate what it means to be a mom in the 21st Century. I'd be lost without all of the moms in my life, and I feel fortunate to be able to use what I've learned from each of you to help me be the type of mom Nora deserves.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Sugar and Spice
spirited
ornery
independent
curious
funny
or
squirmy,
all I can think is how much my dad would have adored her.
Monday, May 7, 2012
The Lathe of Heaven
My teaching semester is wrapping up. Friday was my last day of teaching, today was the last regular lecture, my students turn in their final papers this week, and they sit for the final exam next week. This means that while all of my preparatory work for the semester is completed, I still have quite a bit of grading to finish before I can call the semester complete and move onto more focused preparations for my comprehensive exam.
The last novel we covered in the class is the only one I hadn't read before: Ursula Le Guin's The Lathe of Heaven. This novel seemed like a strange choice to me, but I have now come to believe it should be required reading for all perfectionists with control issues, like myself. (Added bonus if you're from Portland, because that's where it's set.) The main conflict of the novel is between two male characters: one of them is capable of altering reality through his dreams, and when his psychologist finds this out, he attempts to manipulate the patient's dreams in order to "improve" the world. What the psychologist finds out, of course, is that he is rarely able to initiate the changes he'd like to see, and even when he succeeds, the changes he envisions don't turn out to have the results he intended.
Le Guin uses the characters to present two completely opposite worldviews: the psychologist who thinks every man's "purpose on earth" is "to do things, change things, run things, make a better world" and the Daoist dreamer who says things like "I do know that it's wrong to force the pattern of things. It won't do. It's been our mistake for a hundred years" (82). In using these two men as exemplars of two oppositional ideologies, Le Guin is not particularly subtle. The psychologist says things like "it's not how you get there, but where you get to that counts," while the dreamer disagrees, suggesting "We're in the world, not against it. It doesn't work to try to stand outside things and run them that way. It just doesn't work, it goes against life. There is a way but you have to follow it. The world is, no matter how we think it ought to be. You have to be with it. You have to let it be" (139, 140). I don't think it's too much of a spoiler to reveal that in the end, the psychologist is responsible for his own demise after trying to take on too much and the dreamer is left to with the opportunity to continue following "the way."
So anyway, I've been giving this a lot of thought. The other insights the book emphasizes are likewise thought provoking. It suggests that you can't really know what is best for anyone else, and if you think you know how someone else should behave, it indicates your desire to exert control over them even if you think you have good intentions. Likewise, the novel argues that even when you do a thing that you think is undoubtedly "good," you can't know for sure that it will only have positive outcomes. I would argue that the book advocates trying to find your place in the world without indulging in the fantasy that you can exert ultimate control over anything that happens to you or to anyone else. In a moment that was particularly resonant for me, the narrator suggests the dreamer "took it as it came. He was living almost like a young child, among actualities only. He was surprised by nothing, and by everything" (126).
I guess what the book has allowed me to do is achieve some critical distance from my own attitude about life, which has given me the opportunity to consider what some of its negative side effects might be. I align with the psychologist, not the dreamer. I don't often try to tell other people what to do, but I absolutely attempt to exert complete control over my own life. I don't follow any path; I try to blaze my own. On some level, becoming a mother has helped me to realize that this is an ultimately unsustainable way of being. It has also made me fear that, because Nora feels like an extension of myself, I may someday find myself trying to govern her choices and their outcomes while ignoring the fact that doing so would be a glorified attempt to control her life in the same way I try to control my own. I've written before about how spending time with Nora has helped me appreciate the benefits of slowing down, focusing on the moment I'm in, and worrying less about strict schedules and milestones. Perhaps this is another way of saying she has helped me to recognize some of the benefits of living "among actualities only." I already know some of life's greatest moments come from setting a goal, working toward it doggedly, and ultimately achieving it. I think I'm only now beginning to learn that some completely unplanned and unforeseen moments can be equally gratifying.
Ideally, I'd like to be able to achieve a more harmonious balance between attempting to steer my own ship and learning to take things as they come. I have the sense that this is likely to be something I'll continue trying to balance for the rest of my life. I'm thankful to my professor for including this novel I never would have read otherwise on his syllabus. This speaks to one of the reasons why literature is great: it gives us the chance to look at ourselves and our surroundings through different eyes. It allows us, through the crafting of and the immersion within fictional worlds, to take a fresh look at the one we're living in. Reading novels is one way of putting us in touch with what it means to be human.
Maybe you're more of a musical person than a literature person. In that case, I've got something for you, too, off the Jason Mraz CD I just downloaded. The general message is the same.
And I have one more, by Zac Brown Band:
The last novel we covered in the class is the only one I hadn't read before: Ursula Le Guin's The Lathe of Heaven. This novel seemed like a strange choice to me, but I have now come to believe it should be required reading for all perfectionists with control issues, like myself. (Added bonus if you're from Portland, because that's where it's set.) The main conflict of the novel is between two male characters: one of them is capable of altering reality through his dreams, and when his psychologist finds this out, he attempts to manipulate the patient's dreams in order to "improve" the world. What the psychologist finds out, of course, is that he is rarely able to initiate the changes he'd like to see, and even when he succeeds, the changes he envisions don't turn out to have the results he intended.
Le Guin uses the characters to present two completely opposite worldviews: the psychologist who thinks every man's "purpose on earth" is "to do things, change things, run things, make a better world" and the Daoist dreamer who says things like "I do know that it's wrong to force the pattern of things. It won't do. It's been our mistake for a hundred years" (82). In using these two men as exemplars of two oppositional ideologies, Le Guin is not particularly subtle. The psychologist says things like "it's not how you get there, but where you get to that counts," while the dreamer disagrees, suggesting "We're in the world, not against it. It doesn't work to try to stand outside things and run them that way. It just doesn't work, it goes against life. There is a way but you have to follow it. The world is, no matter how we think it ought to be. You have to be with it. You have to let it be" (139, 140). I don't think it's too much of a spoiler to reveal that in the end, the psychologist is responsible for his own demise after trying to take on too much and the dreamer is left to with the opportunity to continue following "the way."
So anyway, I've been giving this a lot of thought. The other insights the book emphasizes are likewise thought provoking. It suggests that you can't really know what is best for anyone else, and if you think you know how someone else should behave, it indicates your desire to exert control over them even if you think you have good intentions. Likewise, the novel argues that even when you do a thing that you think is undoubtedly "good," you can't know for sure that it will only have positive outcomes. I would argue that the book advocates trying to find your place in the world without indulging in the fantasy that you can exert ultimate control over anything that happens to you or to anyone else. In a moment that was particularly resonant for me, the narrator suggests the dreamer "took it as it came. He was living almost like a young child, among actualities only. He was surprised by nothing, and by everything" (126).
I guess what the book has allowed me to do is achieve some critical distance from my own attitude about life, which has given me the opportunity to consider what some of its negative side effects might be. I align with the psychologist, not the dreamer. I don't often try to tell other people what to do, but I absolutely attempt to exert complete control over my own life. I don't follow any path; I try to blaze my own. On some level, becoming a mother has helped me to realize that this is an ultimately unsustainable way of being. It has also made me fear that, because Nora feels like an extension of myself, I may someday find myself trying to govern her choices and their outcomes while ignoring the fact that doing so would be a glorified attempt to control her life in the same way I try to control my own. I've written before about how spending time with Nora has helped me appreciate the benefits of slowing down, focusing on the moment I'm in, and worrying less about strict schedules and milestones. Perhaps this is another way of saying she has helped me to recognize some of the benefits of living "among actualities only." I already know some of life's greatest moments come from setting a goal, working toward it doggedly, and ultimately achieving it. I think I'm only now beginning to learn that some completely unplanned and unforeseen moments can be equally gratifying.
Ideally, I'd like to be able to achieve a more harmonious balance between attempting to steer my own ship and learning to take things as they come. I have the sense that this is likely to be something I'll continue trying to balance for the rest of my life. I'm thankful to my professor for including this novel I never would have read otherwise on his syllabus. This speaks to one of the reasons why literature is great: it gives us the chance to look at ourselves and our surroundings through different eyes. It allows us, through the crafting of and the immersion within fictional worlds, to take a fresh look at the one we're living in. Reading novels is one way of putting us in touch with what it means to be human.
Maybe you're more of a musical person than a literature person. In that case, I've got something for you, too, off the Jason Mraz CD I just downloaded. The general message is the same.
And I have one more, by Zac Brown Band:
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Welcome Julia Naomi!
Our friends Erin and Brent welcomed their delivery surprise-- a baby girl!!-- into the world today and named her Julia Naomi. Congratulations, Mama and Dad!! We are so excited that she's here!
Erin texted me yesterday afternoon to say she had gone into labor, so I was checking my phone like a madwoman. Her periodic updates and final reports made it clear that this birth was a real doozy, so I am extra proud of Erin for hanging in there and getting through it, and I'm so happy that she, Julia, and Brent are all healthy and happy! When I noticed the text announcing Julia's arrival I started sobbing like a total idiot. Erin, Brent, and I all started working at the same high school together in 2004, Erin was in our wedding, and I was in theirs, so it just feels perfect that we ended up having little girls who are only 6 months apart.
While Nora and I waited anxiously all day and night for the good news to arrive, we had to keep ourselves otherwise entertained. Luckily, yesterday we assembled this toy from Nora's baby shower and she is already enthralled with it. (My list doesn't tell me who it's from, but if you know who you are, thank you!) She has already figured out all three ways to make the music start on it and she's been kicking the blocks around, so it is a trip to watch her banging away. I like to think it kept her preoccupied while she was waiting to hear if her new friend was going to be a girl or a boy. : )
Congratulations, Erin and Brent! We can't wait to meet Julia and congratulate you all in person some day soon!
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