Foot on the Floor

My friends who've already passed the comprehensive exam generally tell me that their productivity came and went in waves.  After a particularly productive week, they'd find themselves letting off the gas a little bit, and then they'd get back to serious work a few days later.  I can see how this is a productive approach and how, to continue with the analogy, it would keep you from running out of gas.  Unfortunately, I do not have this luxury.  When you have a small child, all kinds of things come up that are out of your control to throw a wrench in your plans.  Like Friday, when she had a fever and I had to stay home with her.  Or today and yesterday, when her school was closed due to Hurricane Sandy.  It's tempting to think, "You know what? I'm ahead of my reading schedule this week, I'm going to take a night off and hang out with Billy."  But I feel like I have to keep my foot on the floor whenever I'm traveling the open road because I never know when I'll come up on another roadblock.

That said, my reading is going well.  Here's my list:

As you might guess, I've finished all the texts that are crossed out.  Today I reached a major milestone: none of the novels left on my list are over 300 pages long.  This means that everything left could feasibly be completed in a single day.  My apprehension about completing the list is decreasing while my apprehension about being able to consolidate my thoughts into the presentation with which I will begin the exam is increasing.  So it goes.

I must get back to work, but in case I haven't said this emphatically enough before, I want to say it now: this thing that I'm doing, which is really hard, is also a really, really exceptional privilege.  I can feel myself getting smarter every day.  Periodically I get to read articles that I read early in grad school over again, and it helps me to realize how far I've come intellectually in just a few years.  Having all of these ideas in my head concurrently is an unbelievable feeling that I assume could only be achieved by reading them all practically at once.  Basically, what I have gotten the chance to do is put together a list of the texts I think are most important, for the topic of a field and dissertation of my choosing, and then I have gotten to sit down and read all of these texts.  The minutes in my day that I don't spend with my daughter and/or husband are occupied with reading, thinking, and talking about art.

If I walk out of that test in less than a month, and they tell me I didn't make it far enough in the journey to pass, I won't be sorry for one minute of the ride.  I will have done what I set out to do: the best job I could.  And I only have to keep my foot on the floor for four more weeks before I get there.

Post-Sandy

I thought this would be the quickest way to let everyone out west know that we survived Sandy without incident. The worst we have to contend with are a stir crazy baby, leaves to rake, and an exam reading schedule to catch up on. We feel fortunate to have had so many people checking up on us, and fortunate that we have no bad news to report.

Now, when one goes to sell one's house, how does one advertise that the house's power supply is exceptionally reliable? :)

Baby Steps

Since her birthday, Nora has progressed from taking a few unsteady steps, to walking when prompted to move toward an object she likes, all the way to walking of her own volition.  She still acts like a little tightrope walker, and prefers to walk from one object to another, but at this rate she'll master this skill in no time!

Here is some footage from October 22:

And another clip from this morning:



I also have a newfound appreciation for the "baby steps" expression.  I used to think this just meant taking small steps.  Now I can see that it means taking itty bitty uncertain steps, one or two or five at a time, steadying yourself, and then trying again.  : )

Outdoor Fall Fun

We are busy watching the models of Sandy and gearing up for a major weather event, but up until now, the fall weather has been very mild.  This has allowed us to take in some fun fall activities with Nora.  First, we went to a pumpkin patch with Oma and Aunt Vickie.  This past week, Nora posed with one of her pumpkins while wearing an outfit from her Grandma and boots from Oma.

This afternoon, Grandma and Granpop joined us to take Nora to a local corn maze.  The maze itself is quite intricate, but we thought Nora was a little young to enjoy it.  Instead, she watched the other kids run around, played in the hay bale maze for kids, rode the cow tractor train with Granpop, and went on another hayride with all of us.  She likes being outside so much that it doesn't take much to entertain her!

Nora at 12 Months

Last night while Nora ate dinner I finally got a chance to edit together some of the footage I took to capture her mobility and personality at 12 months, like I did at 3 months, 6 months, and 9 months.

This montage also includes what is sure to be the most anti-climactic first birthday cake experience you've ever seen... but it is fun to see her realize everyone is singing to her.




Additionally, when we took her to the doctor last week, her size percentiles continued right along at a similar pace.  She now weighs 19 lbs 8oz (46th %), is 28" tall (13th %), and her head circumference is 18.5" (94th %).  Big brains in there!

Exam Visual #2

I have just over 5 weeks left to prepare for my exam. One minute I feel like I'm making good progress, and the next I feel completely panicked.

These are my book stacks and my notes. The books in the left two piles are yet to be consumed. The books in the right two stacks are in my brain already... somewhere. And every book or article I've read has been reduced to one of these notecards so I can review them in the week before the exam.

When you are in the thick of reminding yourself constantly to Just Keep Playing, it sure feels good to drop your aching brains and bones into bed at night.

Visit from Oma // Pumpkin Patch

We were all very fortunate that my mom made the trip East to join us for Nora's first birthday!  We haven't seen each other in person since July, so she loved seeing how mobile Nora is these days.  Mom has been very supportive and encouraging since Nora was born, so it meant a lot to me to have her here for the celebration of Nora's first year as well as our first year as parents.  She was also such a big help with Nora and party preparations in the days leading up to the party.  When I mentioned to a colleague that my mom came for the party, she asked if that was the first time she had met Nora.  I explained that she also saw her at birth, four or five months, and seven months, which put things in perspective and made me extra appreciative that my mom is willing to travel to spent time with her granddaughter and with us.

Mom also brought the bumblebee costume she made for Nora's second Halloween.  Mom made all of my costumes through elementary school until I decided it was not "cool" to wear a homemade costume and asked to be a store-bought witch.  I quickly learned that Mom's costumes were way better than anything you can get at the store. I can't sew nearly as well as she can, so I am excited that she was happy to carry on the tradition with Nora.

On the day before the party, we dressed Nora up in her costume and took her to the pumpkin patch for a hay ride.  It was a lot of fun for all of us to see the excitement and wonder in Nora's expressions, and I enjoyed having Vickie and Mom along to share this trip with us.

And now, for the photobomb.  This bumblebee is just way too cute to leave any of these out.

Thanks so much for making the trip, Mom, for all the help you gave us while you were here, and for finding ways to be actively involved in Nora's life even though we live so far away.

Nora's Birthday Party

I have mixed emotions about Nora turning one, but I had no mixed emotions about one thing: her party.  Our little girl deserves all the love and support we can give her, so I was excited to have the chance to welcome everyone to our house to celebrate her first big day in her own element.  We feel very fortunate that so many family members and friends join us to let her know how special she is-- even my mom, who flew in for the occasion!  I signed Billy up for a lot more work than I realized, and we spent the whole past week getting ready for the party.  I was overwhelmed by the whole day, and it reminded me of the way our wedding felt like a whirlwind that was over before I knew it.  This time, as was also the case then, I noticed while clicking through the pictures that everyone was laughing and smiling.  So my hope is that everyone else had as good of a time as I did.  I know our little girl felt special when we sang her happy birthday because she stopped reaching for her cake and looked up at everyone standing around.  When she gets older, I am excited to tell her the stories and show her the pictures from her first birthday!

Decorations

Nora's Cake and Cupcakes

A New Ride (thanks Gram and Pop!)

Big Guests

Little Guests

Cards! A New Dress! Gifts!

Cake

Before I go, I just want to say a big thank you to everyone for making this such a special day for our family.  By coming to Nora's party, sending her birthday messages, picking out cards and gifts, and all the other things you did, you reminded us know how much Nora is loved and how much support we have behind us as we learn to be parents.  I also owe a more specific thank you to Mom, Vickie, Patti, and Lauren for helping get things ready and then cleaning up.

Happy Birthday, Nora Jane!

We can hardly believe that one year ago today we met our little bundle of joy for the first time.  What a year it has been!  We can't wait to celebrate her birthday with local family and friends and share pictures with those of you who aren't able to make it.

In the meantime, in honor of this major milestone, I wanted to record and share some notes about what Nora is like now and how we got here.

Everywhere we go, people tell us what a beautiful, happy baby we have.  We couldn't agree more and we love to show her off!

We learned early on that if she doesn't get her sleep, she is very cranky.  This made it necessary to prioritize sleep training.  These days, when she's home, she takes two naps of at least an hour each and sleeps through the night from 6:30pm to 6am.  She self soothes like a champ but sleeps best in a very dark room, in her sleep sack, with her noise machine on.  When she's at school, she hardly naps at all because she is too excited about everything going on around her.

I am proud and thankful to have made it to my goal of one year of breastfeeding.  She still nurses five times a day, so although we plan to introduce non-human milk in the daytime, I don't see us stopping completely anytime soon.

Nora also eats three meals a day-- a small breakfast, a big lunch, and a big dinner.  She LOVES to eat foods of all kinds but is developing a preference for fruits, so we usually wait until she has finished everything else to offer those to her.  She is getting so good at feeding herself that she hardly even needs a bib anymore.  Billy and I have loved watching her learn to manipulate food in her hands and in her mouth, and we enjoy sitting at the dinner table and eating together each night. (Next step: utensils!)

She is a speedy little crawler.  She loves to climb up on the landing of the steps.  She walks steadily behind her walking toys or while holding onto someone's hand.  She pulls up on whatever's nearby and cruises along everything.  She is developing more agile body control every day.  She can stand alone and has taken a few solo steps but is not too sure about walking by herself.  When she falls down, she almost never cries.

Nora's very vocal!  She loves to nod her head up and down and say "Yeah!" when you ask her a question.  She also shakes her head back and forth and says "neh" once in a while.  She knows the difference between the two and never says one while nodding the other.  She says "mama" regularly, though it's hard to tell if she is referring to me or just saying it.  She has finally started to say "dada" again sporadically.  The other day she said "birdie" and "bird" as clear as can be twice in a row, but hasn't done it since.  She mimics all kinds of noises very well and giggles frequently.

She is still a Mama's girl, but she loves to be around other people and is now happy to let others hold her.  She is a little ham for the attention of family, friends, and strangers.  Her teachers at school say she and her classmates play more together than any other group of kids they've had.  She doesn't mind when someone takes something away from her.  She likes dogs, and is learning to pet Oscar gently, but she still prefers to grab his tail or ears.  She loves a new experience of any kind and takes everything in with her eyes and ears wide open.  She is very curious and loves to explore.

She fits perfectly in 9 month clothes, has a full head of lush brown hair that is getting long and curly, and has a toothy grin with 8 teeth.  We still don't know what color to call her eyes, but they're beautiful and so often full of cheer.

She is such a joy in our lives.  I had no idea one person could cause so much happiness in a single year.  Billy, Nora, and I only get a few hours together every day but they are always the best ones.  Now that we've found our footing, parenthood just keeps getting better.  We feel so fortunate to have this amazing, joyful, curious tiny person living in our house with us.  The fact that she is ours makes it even better.  We are so thankful for all the love and support the rest of you have given all three of us in this past year, and though we already feel like Nora's growing up to fast, we can't wait to see what year 2 has in store!

Post Script

Vickie's comment on my post below about Papa's death reminded me of two notes of appreciation I meant to include there:
Without all of Vickie's help, I don't know how I would have managed to negotiate getting Nora across the country at the drop of a hat.  She is so good with Nora, and Nora loves her so much, that it was like traveling with someone who has trained to be my understudy.
And I owe Billy a big thank you, too, for understanding completely why we wanted to get on a plane immediately even though he couldn't join us, for being willing to be separated from Nora indefinitely so we could go, and for keeping things in order here at home while we were away.

Rest Easy, Papa

A week ago yesterday, my grandfather passed away.  Earlier that morning, Nora, Vickie, and I had arrived in his hospital room.  The night before, my Aunt Carrie had called to let us know that because his cancer was inoperable, he had elected to stop receiving dialysis treatments, so Vickie and I decided to take Nora with us to see him one last time and say goodbye.  It had only been a week before that that he'd been admitted to the hospital due to kidney failure, which had been the first sign that he was seriously ill.

I will always count it as one of the great fortunes of my life that we got to see him only a few months ago, when he was still feeling mostly like himself, and that we got to see him again last week to say goodbye.  Nora was sick during that trip in July, but I could still tell how much delight he took in being around her.  And when we walked into that hospital room last week, and he was visible excited as he said "Nora, Nora, Nora!" I have never been more proud of anything than I was to make him that happy.

During that morning visit, Papa was cheerful and peaceful.  He told me he wished he could hold Nora but was satisfied to rub her leg and commented on how soft her skin was.  "She hasn't spent quite as much time in the sun as me," he joked.  He thanked her for coming to see him.  He had me bring Nora in really close so he could tell her, "Someday, when you are older, you will understand about the cycle of life, and then you will know why I am so glad you came to see me."  I tried to choke back the tears long enough to say "We are so thankful we got here in time," but I'm not sure it made any sense.  It reminded me of how, in Dad's final days, he somehow managed to say the things that would give me the strength to keep on going without him.  Throughout the day, Papa's condition deteriorated rapidly, but he bravely hung on until all of the grandchildren who were traveling to see him arrived.  When Nate and Ashley got there, he couldn't really talk but his whole face lit up at the sight of them.  That evening, we all got a chance to spend time sitting with him and saying goodbye before he passed away peacefully.

I've been sitting on this blog post for several days, trying to figure out how I can pay tribute to my grandfather, especially when I'm so pinched for time with my comprehensive exam rapidly approaching.  And then it occurred to me: the best tribute I can pay to him is to get back to work.  He taught us to believe that if we worked hard enough, we could achieve anything we wanted.  But he also helped us to realize that working hard enough means working really, really hard.  Nobody was a harder worker than Papa, and anyone who worked with him will tell you that his employees worked hard for him just because they liked him.  Mimi told me that before he fell ill, he was making plans to come east to attend my PhD graduation ceremony.  For him there was no question about if I would be able to do it or not.  He was just waiting to hear when.  I can hear what he would say: "Get back to work, Missy."

So in honor of my grandpa and the work ethic he taught me, I've been plugging away at my work.  Somewhere down the line, I'll take a break long enough to write about how the things I will miss the most are his affectionate ribbing and his stories.  In the meantime, I'll savor this stage of loss in which every little thing reminds you of the person who is gone.  And I'll share the pictures and video of Nora from our trip, because he wouldn't have had it any other way.

Okay, I have to say one more thing before I go: my family is the best.  I can't wait until we are all together again for a celebration rather than to mourn, but in the meantime, I'm proud to be a member of a family who comes together to hold each other up during life's most trying moments.