A Separate Peace

Vickie has returned to Valpo, but her week here was a nice respite from the stress of the semester. I had to go to campus a couple days and couldn't fall too far behind on my work, but I had gotten far enough ahead to be able to enjoy her visit without stressing too much about taking some time off.

She arrived with a birthday gift for Oscar: the Snuggie for dogs. His expression aptly represents his feelings about it. He might be able to answer the phone while wearing this Snuggie, but it kept his legs from bending in the fashion necessary for jumping up on the couch, so he was not a fan. He'd much rather lay on your legs underneath a conventional blanket. He didn't seem to hold it against Vickie, however, and he joined her in bed every morning after Billy and I got up.

We got to do some fun things while she was here. She and Billy came to watch my Thanksgiving 10k on Sunday, and I surprised myself by finishing only 10 seconds slower than my best 10k time, so that was exciting. I think Billy must have enjoyed having her along so he could discuss the different runners' fashions while waiting for me to show up at the finish line. We got dinner and drinks with friends in Federal Hill and celebrated a friend's birthday in Canton. What says "Baltimore" better than the Domino Sugars sign?

We went up to PA with Billy's family for Thanksgiving, and everyone got plenty of delicious food to eat. Vickie and I ate more than our fair share of the Paula Deen's Gooey Butter Cookies we had prepared to take. We managed to get in a little bit of shopping, and we went to see "The Blind Side" yesterday before she left. Oscar enjoyed plenty of extra attention while she was here, which made me feel a little bit less guilty about the fact that he has spent much of the past 4 months sitting on my lap while I read. Although he did a fair amount of that with Vickie, as well.

Mostly, though, Vickie, Billy, and I sat around and joked with each other and laughed. Once in a while I need a reminder that if everything else fell away, I would still be fortunate for the people I have in my life and what a good time I have when we're together. This Thanksgiving, I'm thankful most of all that Vickie came to visit to remind me that this is a good life I have. I hope that she will be as fortunate as I have been in my post-graduation years. And I'm looking forward to the week at the end of December during which I'll get to see most of my family members without having to open a book once. (We all know I'll open at least one book. But I won't have to.)

But for now, it's back to Ranciere and the Politics of Aesthetics. After all, time and tide wait for no [wo]man, and there is a lot to do before Dec 17. At least now, the end is finally in sight!

(A Separate Peace by John Knowles is a classic coming-of-age tale about the relationship between two adolescent boys. It's kind of heartbreaking, actually, but I can't help reading it every couple of years.)

Say Please, Say Thank You

I am thankful:

That my dad feels well and has the support of loving family members and friends.

That Billy continues to be such a stabilizing force in my life. And that we have so much fun.

For Vickie's decision to come stay with us this week.

That my family, and especially my husband, continue to support my interest in graduate literary studies.

That my husband's hard work continues to support our family during my graduate studies.

For the opportunity to spend time with Billy's family this Thanksgiving. And for the chance to head west see Mom and the Santa Barbara family and Dad and the Lompoc family after Christmas.

That, although I miss him, Pop is not suffering anymore. And that things regularly remind me that he is still present through each of us whom his life touched.

That Modern Family and Glee air on Wednesday nights, which has helped get me over the hump every week this semester.

That my brother has his dogs and a job that keeps him in the mountains near the fresh powder.

For a home I love coming home to every day.

For the support and encouragement of my fellow grad students, especially Anne-Marie and Katie, during this PhD application process.

That in a few weeks, what has essentially become a year-long job interview for the PhD program will be over, and the decision will finally be out of my hands.

That I still love the work I'm doing despite all the stress.

I am thankful!!

(My dad gave us all Say Please, Say Thank You when we graduated from high school. A little courtesy can go a long way, don't you think?)

Great Expectations

Billy assures me that everything is going to be fine.

Anne-Marie reassures me that writing a new paper to serve as my writing sample is a wise though difficult choice.

Katie says she knows I will be able to work through all the remaining questions.

But pressure is mounting.

The paper is mostly written. I mostly know what I need to read and research to finish it up. I am mostly sure that it's one of the most original, well-researched ideas I've ever developed.

The application is due December 8. Between Dec 3 and Dec 11, I also have to give four presentations in four different classes. On Dec 14 I have to turn in the seminar paper version of the writing sample, and on Dec 17 I have to turn in my other final paper. I'm not the type of person who is debilitated by looming deadlines. I map everything out, I set daily deadlines, and I always find a way to get it all done.

But I keep finding myself in neutral. I'm stalling out. I'm running out of gas after a long, overwhelming semester. The pressure of knowing that this paper is the single most significant factor in the outcome of my PhD application is seriously stressing me out. I feel like it has to be the best idea I've ever thought, the most coherent argument I've ever put together, the most articulate paper I've ever written. In fewer than 20 pages.

Luckily, Vickie arrives in a few hours. She will find a way to remind me of goofy things I did when I was a kid. Like when I walked across the deck singing "Love Potion #9" at the top of my lungs without realizing she was sitting there. Or how we used to have a hand-motion dance to 'N Sync's "Bye Bye Bye" that we performed in the car (um, yes, while driving). Or how we both used to have knees that constituted the widest parts of our legs. I'm counting on her visit to remind me that grad school, and this paper, will only be one chapter in the very long and so far successful book of my life. I'll only become Miss Havisham by developing an unnatural fixation and obsession with this one thing. That, I think, is what I need to remind myself to believe if I'm going to get it done.

(Great Expectations is by Charles Dickens. You know it. You love it. You've all, at least once in your life, felt a little bit like Pip.)

When I Was Five

Happy Birthday, Oscar!! Our little bud turns five today. To celebrate, he will get a blog post, a bath, and a green pepper. Why this dog loves green peppers, I have no idea, but if I begin slicing one, he cannot think about doing anything else except standing below me and hoping I drop a piece. This will probably turn into a week long celebration, because I can't give him the whole pepper at once.

To celebrate his five years, I give you a montage of my favorite photos of him through the years. Blogger makes it hard to put them in order, so they jump around chronologically. Enjoy!

When we brought him home at 6 weeks (which I now realize is too early), he only weighed 2.5 lbs!

He has since outgrown this crate. Hard to believe!

The whole first day we had him, he looked this sad, and we had to let him cry through the whole night. In the morning when we came out to the kitchen and he saw us, his little tail started wagging.

After his first trip to meet Billy's parent's dog, Casey, he passed out for hours.

He wore this coat my dad got him for Christmas exactly long enough to pose for the photo.

Besides peppers, his second favorite food is peanut butter. Who can blame him?

Here he is next to the pumpkin he tried to eat the entire time I was carving it.

When Chuck is around, Oscar knows where to go to get spoiled.

First Christmas in our new house!

Oscar loves Clarice and Rudolph. When they are out at Christmas time, he runs over and noses them almost every morning when he comes down the stairs.

Here he is helping Brent bottle his home made beer. He was happy to clean up any overflow.

Christmas in Bowie- 2006?

Must have been summer-- he's wearing his Orioles collar.

He loves the snow so much he even tolerated wearing this jacket. It doesn't fit him anymore, but he would stay out in the snow for hours if we let him.

Graduating from obedience training! He had the second fastest time on the obedience course, but the winner had much longer legs.

Eating Ty's food.

His favorite toy! He's had it since he was a baby, and it's the only thing he hasn't destroyed.

For several months, his ears seemed disproportionately large.

Posing by the South River, where his parents got engaged... but before they got engaged.

Relaxing at home. When he does this, we call him the baby spoon.

Again with the beer. He started early.

Oscar lives strong like the rest of the family.

(When I Was Five is apparently about a boy who recalls his favorite things, all of which have changed, except his best friend. Seems appropriate for man's best friend!)

Finding Fish

When it comes up in conversation that Billy and I are Navy Football season ticket holders, it's always the same question: "Why Navy?" There are several answers.

1) It's close to our house and gives us a chance to spend time together. It takes us longer to get out of the parking lot than it does to drive home, and after a long day of tailgating and football, it's nice to get home quickly. I believe this is how it started.

2) The crowd is different. A lot of the people on the parking lot attended the Academy or have children who attend. People are kind and friendly and fun to talk to. When Pop passed away, we had to ask everyone to move their tables and chairs and tents (twice) so we could get off the lot, and instead of being mad, the people said, "Is everything all right?" When I told one man that we had a death in the family, he rushed to help me ask other people to move their things. As we were getting ready to pull out, a friend of his came up to offer me his condolences.

Yesterday, some guy sat directly next to my tent and smoked a cigar. I gave him an icy glare when the smoke blew directly in my face, but he just looked away and kept smoking. And kept spitting on the ground right next to our grill. This was not a Navy fan. This is not how Navy fans behave. Port-a-potties pushed over, leaking blue sludge everywhere? That was at the Maryland game (ask Vickie), not at Navy Marine Corps Stadium.

3) Before every game, the Brigade of Midshipmen march from campus to the stadium and into formation on the field. I know they hate it, but I still love watching it. And while I have extremely mixed feelings about what the military has been used to accomplish in the past, I respect what these kids have chosen to do. I have that respect for the players, as well, who will fulfill their service commitments after graduation and thus cannot go straight into the NFL. Navy Football gives me everything I love about collegiate athletics and leaves out the stuff I hate.

4) Navy football is fun to watch. They are tiny in comparison to the teams they play, so their defense is often outmatched. They get scored on quite a bit, but if a mid comes up with a big tackle, it feels extra exciting. (Who could ever forget this sack?) Their size also makes the triple option offense the most successful, and they run this really well, which means they score a lot, too. The games are never boring and are rarely blowouts, so even if Navy loses, I never feel let down by my fan experience.

5) Navy's football team is really good. Most of the time, we get to see a win (and from only this far off the field). This year, they're 8-3. This includes a 3 point loss to Ohio State, a 3 point loss to Temple, a single bad loss to Pitt, and wins over Notre Dame, Air Force, and Wake Forest. They're guaranteed to win the Commander in Chief's Trophy even if they lose to Army (which they haven't done since 2001), and they're going to their seventh straight bowl game. Their junior quarterback, Ricky Dobbs, has scored 22 touchdowns, and is now only one TD away from tying the single season record for a quarterback. He missed almost two entire games to injury and he still has two more regular season games to play!!

I don't know why even people in our own area don't know much about Navy Football. Why anyone would rather attend a Redskins game, or a Maryland Football game, I have no idea. But if you ever get a chance to attend a game, go! You won't be disappointed. If you find us, the boys might even let you eat one of my Old Bay Hamburgers, which earn rave reviews every time. : )

(Finding Fish is the memoir of Antwone Fisher, which was subsequently made into an equally excellent movie. Fisher, who survived a life in foster care that is almost impossible to imagine, "found" himself after enlisting in the Navy.)

Had a Good Time

Once in a while, I need to remind myself to stop and take. a. deep. breath. Today, I did.

Billy and I woke up early this morning so I could run the Down's Park 5 miler. I thought this could be interesting, considering I have run a total of 5 miles since the Army 10 miler. (I've been going to the gym with Billy instead.) It was below freezing when I woke up. But the run was fantastic. I felt good, I finished well, and the course was beautiful. Most of it took me through trails and trees with changing leaves, but around mid-way, the course ran right along the Chesepeake Bay. And my husband was waiting for me at the finish line. Here's a photo I found online of the sun coming up over the pier, as it was today:

After the run, Danielle picked me up and we drove up to Harrisburg, PA, and met up with Erin, who had driven down from Syracuse. It was the first time we've gotten to see her since her wedding in July. After catching up over Panera, we took a trip through the mall, and made it to the sports bar in time to see NAVY BEAT NOTRE DAME!!

It was great to see the girls. I have missed them. And it was great to see for myself that after an indeterminate first few months, things have fallen into place and Erin is really happy in her new life up in NY.

I also returned to discover that my friend from grad school, Anne-Marie, has started a new blog about life in Baltimore. It guarantees to provide a fresh perspective on the city. (Vickie might be interested to know that her co-contributor is a nurse living and working in the city. Nudge.)

I feel rested. I feel ready to conquer the rest of the semester. I feel lucky to have such a loving husband and great friends, even though we're spread far and wide across the country.

And how about those mids, anyway?!

(Had a Good Time: Stories from American Postcards is a brilliantly conceived collection of short stories by Robert Olen Butler. He collects vintage postcards, and in this book, he writes stories inspired by the contents of some of his favorite ones.)

The Awakening

My dad says, "Just keep playing." In The Old Man and the Sea, Santiago goes out in that boat every day, 84 times in a row, until he catches that fish.

This morning, on my way into work, I had an epiphany. I can use the research I've been doing on Cather for my writing sample and re-direct it slightly to serve as the paper for the seminar I'm taking this semester. This solves the two major problems of my semester; I don't have time to complete all these papers well, and I had no idea what to write my seminar paper about.

This deserves its own blog post. Consider it the digital equivalent of a sigh of relief.

(The Awakening by Kate Chopin is the story of a young mother's realization that she does not have to live the life society has assigned to her. I assure you my own awakening, however, will not conclude with my death.)

The Elements of Style

This has been my expression for the past two and a half days:

I've been thinking about the relationship between Cather's The Professor's House and One of Ours since April. I've been actively researching it since August. The deadline for my PhD application is just over a month away, so I've been writing about it for the past two days and a half days.

In that time, I've put together 9.5 single spaced pages. An entire first draft, minus introduction and conclusion. I still have to figure out how to boil it down to about 8 pages, intro and conclusion completed. But I feel pretty good about it. Most of all, I feel good that these two and a half days are behind me.

I do love to write. Tonight on "Modern Family," one of the themes was finding something that you do the best. This is the thing that I do the best. I hope this paper is good enough to give me the chance to keep doing it.

(The Elements of Style by William Stunk and E.B. White is a must-own for anyone who takes writing seriously.)