Body Parts

I was doing really well with documenting Nora's development on video until a little after one year.  Then it became difficult, both because she had so many new skills each month and because she was much more aware of being recorded.  Now she is so used to talking to her West Coast family on video chat that she gets angry when I try to record and there is no one on the screen to talk to her.  But this morning she finally let me get a video of her pointing to all the body parts on her baby.  This was definitely one of her earliest skills, and at this point, her most reliable.  She can also say the correct names of all the body parts if you point them out to her.



The other identification skill she does well with at this point is naming animals and making their noises. She can count to ten on her own, though she usually stops at three or six.  She also sang through all the ABCs in order once recently, but she usually just sings them in random chunks.  Her colors are coming along more slowly.  Right now, the answer to "What color is this?" is always the same: "Red."  I guess that makes it her favorite color?

Mirror Mirror

Vickie is settling on her house as we speak!  I can't even explain how proud and happy this makes me.  When she moved in with us to look for a job in the area several years ago, I had no idea how long we would get to keep her.  When it took a while for her to find a job, I was afraid she'd move back home and consider the whole thing a big mistake.  But then she got an awesome job, and then I found out I was pregnant, and then she got an awesome apartment, and then we gave her a niece, and eventually her boyfriend moved here.  So I knew she had plenty reasons to stay in the area besides being close to me, but now that she owns property only a few miles away, she's stuck with me!

In an attempt to accept that Vickie is proving she's all grown up, I'm sharing these pictures that show we seem to be mirror images of one another.  (Bonus reason: It makes me look good to be suggest I have things in common with her.) Vickie and I have never thought we looked much alike.  People tell us we do, but we can't see it.  Maybe this is because in my head I'm still the big one and she's the little one, or because I still think of her as a true blonde who rubbed it in when she grew taller than me.  But after having a set of professional candid photos taken of us together, I am ready to agree with everyone who says our mannerisms and body movements are nearly identical.

Thoughtful resting face:

Toddler balancing stance:

In the walking photos, it's easy to see that we hold our bodies the same because we are in nearly the same place in our stride at the same moment.  In both pictures.

For bonus points, our heads are at same angle and and our feet are in the same position in this one.

Legs crossed at the ankle, left leg in front, feet at the exact same angle:

Honestly.  We couldn't have staged these shots if we'd tried.  I love you, Boo.  I'm thankful for all we have in common, even though the photographic proof creeps me out.  : )  And I'm not even mad that you just bought a townhome, on your own, in the development Billy and I liked but couldn't afford.  I'm just so proud of you and thankful you're here.

More Professional Photos!

While Mom was visiting, we had Ena of One Art Photography meet us for a mini-shoot on campus so we could get some pictures of the girls.  Like last time, they turned out great!  Here are some of my favorites:

She's a cool girl.  She goes to school.  Everybody knows she's cool.

Breastfeeding Through the Minefield

Updated 6/21

I have some (okay, a lot of) things I want to say about breastfeeding.  In the original version of this post, I said: "The best way I can think to express them is to borrow the conceptual framework Annette Kolodny uses in her powerful and influential 1980 essay, "Dancing Through the Minefield" because for me, trying to reach one year of exclusively breastfeeding with my daughter felt like I was attempting to navigate a large field that was full of hidden land mines that might detonate at any moment."  But after an interesting conversation on facebook about the undertones of antagonism this framing device might suggest, I've decided to modify it to better articulate what I mean.

Perhaps, rather than suggesting breastfeeding is like navigating a minefield, it is more accurate to say it can feel like traveling a path that already has some obstacles of its own, but which is made much more treacherous by hidden mines that are planted along it.  The mine image still resonates with me because, if one of these mines detonates on you, there is no way to predict how much it will derail your progress.  Depending on how negatively these obstacles and mines impacted you, you might decide to take another path even if you were initially committed to the breastfeeding path.

I want to explain what I know about this breastfeeding path, how I navigated it, and how I try to help other women do the same.  So I am going to do those things here, as directly and as best I can.  I am not going to address the specifics of why breastfeeding is beneficial for mom and baby-- neither in terms of nutrition or nurturing-- because a google search would be more productive toward those ends.  If you are interested in reading this post, please keep in mind that it takes for granted my basic attitudes about breastmilk and baby formula, which are these:  Breastmilk provides babies with precisely the nourishment they need.  Baby formula meets many of a baby's most fundamental nutritional needs, though it does not have all the nutritional benefits of breastmilk.

I believe that the best thing a woman can do to meet her breastfeeding goals is to familiarize herself with the breastfeeding path, its obstacles, and the mines she might encounter along it.  And I believe that people who want to help women reach their breastfeeding goals can best do this by helping them navigate these obstacles.  We can help moms overcome the obstacles, show moms what the mines are and where they are likely to be encountered, help moms to deactivate them, and avoid setting additional mines for moms to navigate around.  Before I elaborate a bit on those beliefs, I want to describe, in as concise a way as possible, what I recognize as some of the obstacles that seem to be inherent to the path as well as what are, in my opinion, the most common among the many land mines one might encounter on this path.

In this framework, it is helpful for me to think of the first three obstacles on the breastfeeding path as precisely that-- obstacles.  This is because they are not actively "set" by anyone, as the mines are, though they may be exacerbated by the mines.  These obstacles are some of the complications of breastfeeding itself, and most of them come at the beginning-- as if a woman has to climb a steep hill immediately upon starting on this path.

Obstacle: The demands breastfeeding puts upon a woman's body
Breastfeeding is physically draining, especially in those first few weeks when the baby is likely to nurse every 1-2 hours (sometimes for an hour or more at a time).  It depletes a woman's body unlike anything else she will ever do-- even more so than pregnancy.  It also requires that she wake up frequently in the night to feed, which interrupts her sleep, further exhausting her physically.  I'd wager to say every mother faces this obstacle, and how much it derails her depends on how much support she has.

Obstacle: The demands breastfeeding puts on a woman's time
Breastfeeding takes a long time.  When Nora was a newborn, I once calculated that I spent over 6 of the 24 hours in one day nursing her.  Even once the child gets older and spends less time nursing, the demands are significant.  Mothers who must rely on pumping breastmilk must also devote considerable time to that endeavor.  Again, I think every mother must grapple with this obstacle, and whether she can overcome it depends on how much freedom and/or flexibility she has with her time.

Obstacle: Breastfeeding complications
There are quite a few "naturally occuring" obstacles to breastfeeding which can affect baby and mom.  These include, but are not limited to: tongue tie, shallow latch, oversupply, undersupply, inverted nipples, nipple soreness, thrush, plugged ducts, mastitis, and milk blisters.  These obstacles are different for every woman, and some of them can pop up at any time.  But in general, how much information the mother has about them when they strike has a large impact on whether she can overcome them.

So that brings us to the mines a woman may encounter along the breastfeeding path, by which I mean social, medical, cultural, and political factors that interfere with a woman's ability to successfully breastfeed her child.  Some of these are set intentionally, and some unintentionally.  Some were set long in the past and some continue to be set today.  But they can all be damaging enough to cause a woman to choose a different path for feeding her child.

Mine: Misconceptions about what to expect from breastfeeding
Partly because Americans have relied heavily on formula in the past, there are many widespread misconceptions about how the breastfeeding relationship should develop and how breastfed infants should behave.  When this mine detonates, women might be told their milk did not come in soon enough, they are not producing enough milk, their child is not getting enough milk, their child is feeding too frequently, their child is not gaining enough weight, and so on, even if none of these things are true, simply because many people do not know what to expect.

Mine: Obstetric Practices
There are many obstetric practices that can help save the lives of women and babies in extreme cases but which also reduce a woman's chances of successfully breastfeeding her child.  These research findings are sometimes controversial, but there have been studies which show that induced labor, the administration of certain medications to the mother during birth, cesarean section, delay in the first opportunity to breastfeed, and separation of mothers and babies in the immediate postpartum period decrease a woman's chances for breastfeeding success.  Not all healthcare providers educate their patients about these risk factors, so many women agree to these procedures in less severe cases with no idea that they might impact their breastfeeding outcomes.  When this mine detonates, it can stack the cards against the mother from the beginning, making it more difficult for her to reach her breastfeeding goals in the long run.

Mine: Patriarchal attitudes about women's bodies
I'm happy to go into more detail on this in individual conversation, but in brief, I will simply say that it serves the goals of male-dominated structures of power to sexualize the female body.  The power of patriarchy is so strong in our country that men and women alike often think that baring the breast for the purpose of nursing is "inappropriate," "weird," "disgusting," "pornographic," etc, even though nursing seems to be the primary biological/evolutionary function of the breast.  When this mine detonates, it can make women feel ashamed about using their bodies to nourish their children in public but also within their own homes.  It can also cause them to stop breastfeeding before they are ready if they are told their child is "too old" to be at the breast.

Mine: The pushing of baby formula
The World Health Organization has established a code that formula manufacturers are supposed to follow, which forbids them from doing anything I would describe as "pushing" formula on women.  But they don't always follow it.  They're trying to sell baby formula, so they find ways to make it seem desirable to women.  There are other ways that formula is pushed on moms, too.  I've read about and spoken to mothers who suggest they have been coaxed against their wishes into giving formula by OBs, pediatricians, administrators of social programs, and family members.  The list goes on.  When this mine detonates, it can inhibit breastfeeding success by upsetting the mother's breastmilk supply, perpetuating misconceptions about breastfeeding, and making women feel like the only way they can properly nourish their child is by providing baby formula.

Mine: The "Breast is Best" Campaign and other attitudes that position mothers in a hierarchy
I would like to believe the "Breast is Best" phrase was supposed to be an easy-to-remember reminder that breastmilk has nutritional advantages baby formula does not.  I can see how that would be useful given that in years past, a lot of women were taught to believe their breastmilk was nutritionally insufficient.  But I think the inclusion of the word "best" in this phrase is highly problematic.  When people to go around saying "breast is best," they erase all the many complexities of the mother/child breastfeeding relationship.  "Breast is best" ignores the situations in which breastfeeding might not be best for the mother, and by implying that breastfeeding is always best, the slogan creates counterproductive competition between mothers.  By positioning women who breastfeed as those who give their children the "best," it implies that women who use formula in any capacity must be inferior as mothers because they are not giving their children the "best."  In my opinion, that's just plain wrong.  When this mine detonates, it alienates would-be breastfeeders from the very women who could help them improve their chances of breastfeeding success.

Mine: Judgemental breastfeeding advocates
Unfortunately, there are a lot of lactation consultants and breastfeeders who engage in active shaming of women who do not exclusively breastfeed and/or do not know as much as they do about breastfeeding.  This upsets me for a lot of reasons, but most fundamentally, it is upsetting because shaming the mothers ignores the fact that they are not responsible for all the mines I've described above.  Further, shaming others is not only wrong; it is also not the way to get anything positive accomplished.  When the shame mine detonates, it can make a woman who needed more help or information about breastfeeding feel like the people who are supposed to help her do not have her best interest at heart.  It can make her feel like she is being persecuted by "lactation nazis" who do not understand her struggles, who judge her as a bad mother based on this single factor, and/or who think they are superior mothers or people just because they were able to breastfeed more successfully.  I imagine the detonation of this mine is painful at the deepest level and can see why it would turn mothers away from the idea of breastfeeding entirely.  If a woman wants to breastfeed but is unable to do it for any variety of reasons, she likely experiences feelings of disappointment, frustration, sadness, guilt, and/or insecurity on her own.  So to have someone add insult to her injury, even when the mom tried her best with the information she had, would give her good reason to never want to speak to a "breastfeeding advocate" again.

Believe it or not, that is the nutshell version of what I have learned and figured out about breastfeeding since 2011.  As you might already realize, part of the reason I have access to all of this information is because my socioeconomic and educational backgrounds afford me privileges that the vast majority of Americans do not have.  Breastfeeding success rates among different demographics in our country demonstrate that, like most types of success in the US, certain people of privilege have a much easier time accessing the most useful information and making use of it.  I am, of course, happy to talk to people in more depth about any of these ideas on an individual basis.  But now that I've outlined some of the most common obstacles and mines women encounter in this path, I want to explain what I did to navigate around them and what I try to do to in helping other women do the same.  My hope, I guess, is that people will take what they can use from my experience to help them reach their own breastfeeding goals and/or help empower other women to meet theirs.

What I did to navigate the path
If you want to breastfeed your child, you increase your chances at success by educating yourself about this path before and after the birth of your child.  (As an introductory overview, I recommend Breastfeeding Made Simple: Seven Natural Laws for Nursing Mothers, and as a web resource, I recommend kellymom.com.) I made clear to family and friends from the start that I intended to exclusively breastfeed.  Continuing to learn about breastfeeding after Nora was born allowed me to maximize the luck that came my way and minimize the effects of the mines that detonated on me.  I accepted that I could not expect healthcare providers to give me good information all the time-- whether they are obstetricians, midwives, lactation consultants, or pediatricians-- and I ignored examples of "advice" I felt were ill-informed.  I found one woman I trust who values me as a person and has breastfed successfully, and leaned on her help and support.  My lifelong friend, Krista, also put me in touch with a whole network of women to answer my questions, which helped a lot.  But I found that having even just one woman who knew what I was up against, who treated me like a woman instead of a milk delivery vessel, and wanted me to succeed had a huge impact on my success.  She helped me learn to navigate the minefield for myself.

What I try to do to help other women navigate the path
In fact, Krista has been such a help to me that I largely follow her model of support when trying to help others reach their breastfeeding goals.  I try to let all my pregnant acquaintances know that I'm happy to share my breastfeeding experience and advice with them, and I hope I don't make them feel like I am pushing it.  When friends and family members reach out to me for more information, I explain what worked for me.  I try to pass along the information that was most useful to me about where to look for proper information and what to expect.  I encourage them to get in touch with me at any time if they're having trouble.  I hope to make clear that when they face these obstacles or any of these various mines detonate on them, and they begin experiencing breastfeeding complications, I will be there to share the information I know, help them find answers to questions I can't answer myself, and point them in the direction of additional help and resources when they need more experienced advice.  I also think it's important to tell them they don't have to follow all the "rules" of proper breastfeeding all the time, and I try to help them figure out which shortcuts might help make breastfeeding more sustainable given their particular struggles.  If you're looking for help with reaching your breastfeeding goals, please let me know.

In every conversation I have about breastfeeding, I try to keep the following things in mind-- because these are the things I wish some people had been more cognizant of when they have discussed it with me.
-Every woman has a right to choose whether to breastfeed, how much to breastfeed, and how long to breastfeed.  While I can encourage what I think are healthy choices by sharing what I know about the advantages of nursing, especially with those people who are closest to me, I do not have a right to try to push my values on anyone else.
-As such, I feel it is my job to help women meet their own breastfeeding goals, not the ones I might set for them.
-Breastfeeding can be very difficult, especially at first.  The more encouragement and support a woman gets, the more likely she is to get over that initial hump and into the zone where it is beneficial and rewarding for everyone involved.
-Mothers are not the ones responsible for any of the obstacles or mines I described above, so they are not to blame for the vast majority of factors that complicate breastfeeding attempts in this country.  I try to make sure they know it's not their fault when trouble arises.
-Practices that empower women help them and their babies.  Practices that disempower women, even if they are done under the auspices of "helping" the child, often end up failing to benefit the child in the end.   The better physical and emotional shape a woman is in, the better off her baby will be.
-Shaming women will not lead to an increase in breastfeeding rates.  It contributes to a mother's feelings of alienation, which decreases her likelihood to breastfeed successfully.
-Everyone experiences these obstacles and the detonation of the breastfeeding mines in different ways.  Only the mother attempting to navigate the path can decide when it would be best for her to choose another path, whether that might mean introducing baby formula or switching to entirely.  I have, instead, an obligation to support the women I know in their efforts to feed their children as best they can.  And sometimes that means reminding a mother that any amount of breastfeeding she is able to do is beneficial to her baby-- whether that is nursing for two sessions, two days, two weeks, two months, or two years.  At other times, it might mean reminding them that there are plenty of other ways to nurture infants.

So there you go.  Everything Liz has wanted to say about breastfeeding, in 3,000 words or less.  I recognize that my form of activism only really works on women who want to breastfeed already.  But I firmly believe that by empowering those women, we will make breastfeeding more appealing to other moms, too.  Learn about the path, the obstacles, and the mines so you can best navigate the journey.  Help other women do the same.  And do your best to avoid setting additional mines that may inhibit their progress.

Visit from Oma

This past week, my mom came to Maryland for a visit!  We all loved seeing her, but Nora was especially delighted to get to spend plenty of time with her.  We have been video chatting since she was born, but for the past several weeks we have been sending short videos back and forth on our iphones/ipads.  This means that most mornings, Nora starts her day by finishing her milk, reaching toward my phone plugged into the wall, and saying "Oma again?"  She is still pretty shy around strangers or family members that she doesn't see very often, so I was very excited that she knew exactly who my mom was when she first saw her.  She didn't need to warm up to her at all-- right away, she was comfortable asking my mom for all the things she regularly requests of us.

We had all sorts of weather while Mom was here, but we still managed to enjoy quite a few activities.  Vickie was also off work for most of the week, so an added bonus of Mom's visit was getting to spend even more time with her than usual.

On Wednesday, we all met on campus for a mini-shoot with Ena of One Art Photography.  I'll post more of these photos once I get the full set, but for now, here is a sneak peak of one I love of all four of us posing on the mall.

On Thursday, we kept Nora home from day care again and took her to Port Discovery, the children's museum in Baltimore.  I had never given much thought to taking her there because I figured it was mostly geared toward older kids, but after Mom made the suggestion, I was glad to see just how many things there were for Nora to do there.  She ran out of rooms to explore right around the same time she was running out of steam, so it turned out to be a perfect outing.  Her favorite room, not surprisingly, was the one where there are several water stations for the kids to splash around in and a big bubble hoop that you can stand inside.

My plan to take an awesome picture of Oma and Nora above East Baltimore was thwarted by the wind up there-- but if you look closely between them, you can see Aunt Vickie's new building!

I'm pretty sure she was the only child there with a 3:1 adult to child ratio.  Spoiled much?

On Friday, Nora's teachers wanted to see her at school and I wanted to have some time to work on my own schoolwork, so Mom and Vickie hung out along with Tres until the early afternoon, when we all met back up at our house.  On Saturday, we all took a trip to Annapolis to get lunch, do a little shopping, and take a trip to Quiet Waters Park to wander around.  It was the most beautiful weather of the week, so we were lucky to have an outdoor activity planned!  We found ourselves in a slightly different part of the park than we usually visit and discovered that there was a little beach area where Nora could wade in the calm, shallow water.  I thought she might just put her feet in, but she walked right in as deep as I would let her go!  She loved floating on her back, kicking her feet, jumping in the water, and letting me drag her around in a circle.  We all loved watching her, and it was a special treat for Oma to see her first real experience in the water!  (We did take her in the pool once last summer, but she really wasn't too interested in it.)

After the park, we all went back to the house to hang out for a few hours.  We even played a few rounds of paper telephone, making it a family game night.  We missed you, Nate, Ashley, and Everett!

On Sunday, mom and I got ourselves up and ready to run the Father's Day 10K I try to run every year. Mom planned her trip a few months ago, and when she realized she would be here for the race, she agreed to join me in running it.  It has been fun hearing about her training regimen, and I have been so impressed with her determination and improvement.  I hadn't been able to train nearly as hard on account of the Semester Long Sickness, but I did feel well enough to run for a few weekends beforehand.  We started off together, but then Mom told me to take off because she prefers to run paced intervals.  I was excited to see that she wasn't very far behind when the course doubled back on itself, and I was thrilled to see that she finished the 6.2 miles in 1 hour, 20 minutes!  Pretty impressive for her first race ever!  Billy brought Nora to cheer us on at the finish, so that was an added bonus.  Three generations of determined women in one picture!

Billy's parents put together a great Father's Day dinner early enough to still get Mom to the airport on time, so that was the perfect way to wrap up her visit and replace all those calories we burned in the morning.  : )

We are so thankful Mom finds creative ways to stay involved in Nora's life and let Nora know how well she is loved from the opposite coast.  Nora has been talking about Oma ever since her departure, so we know she is looking forward to seeing her again in a few months!  When riding in the car yesterday, she was saying "Oma right there!" and pointing to the empty seat next to her.  And she has also been practicing saying "Hasta luego," which Mom taught her right before she left.

The Many Faces of Nora

And for the final installment of our first session with One Art Photography, here are some of my favorite pictures of Nora by herself.  Ena did such a great job of capturing the many expressions Nora makes within the span of an hour, and I feel like someday Nora will look at these and know exactly what she was like at this age-- spirited, curious, thoughtful, and delightful.

Family Moments

Today's installment of photos from our shoot with One Art Photography (can you believe how many good ones we got?!) include some of my favorite family moments.