Nora's First Christmas

Nora just got herself down for a nap!  This is a success because though she continues to sleep very well at night, and I have gotten pretty good at getting her to sleep when I can tell she's tired, getting her to nap on her own continues to be a challenge.  We've been working on this for the past week and a half or so, though, so maybe we are finally making some progress.

This gives me a chance to upload a few photos and share some quick thoughts on Nora's first Christmas.  Since Vickie was scheduled to work through the holiday, we had originally planned to celebrate with her on the 23rd, but Vickie wasn't feeling very well, so we decided to celebrate Christmas and her birthday together on the 28th.  On the 24th, Billy's family customarily goes to Nana and Mr. Dick's house to celebrate the holiday with his Dad's side of the family.  I didn't get a chance to snap any photos of that evening, but it was nice to share a meal with everyone and have the chance to introduce Nora to Billy's cousins on that side.  She even managed to keep her party dress on for the whole night, and though we kept her out past her bedtime, she was a trooper about going to sleep when we got her home.

On Christmas Day, we drove to northern Virginia to Billy's cousin Jacelyn's house to celebrate the holiday with his mom's side of the family.  It is always nice to see them, and now that Cash is 3 and Lily is 1, they are more excited about the holidays than ever.  It was a delight to have Nora there with us for the first time and to see everyone take such pleasure in her presence.  Throughout the day, everyone kept telling us that Nora such a beautiful baby and that she is looking more and more like me, so that was an unexpected but nice Christmas surprise.  : )  Part of the reason that she doesn't nap well, I think, is that she is so curious about everything around her.  She constantly fights to keep her eyes open to see everything, so with so many people around, she spent most of the day in a quiet and alert state.  I was afraid she'd get cranky from missing her normal naps, but with the exception of a little fussing here and there, she was great all day.  She even showed off her happy smiley mood a few times throughout the day!

To the right, Billy's Aunt Mary is introducing Nora to Pop's brother, Uncle James.  Uncle James complimented me on "getting my figure back so fast," told me repeatedly how beautiful Nora is, and told Billy he should realize how lucky he is to be with me and have such a beautiful baby.  Those comments were a nice reminder of things Pop would have said to me and to Nora if he'd lived long enough to join us this Christmas.  They also made me think about my baby belly, since last time I'd been to Jay and Allen's house was when I was about ready to burst.  It was fun to think about what Pop would have said about my baby belly.  Knowing him, he would have said some things about how big I got that would have made me laugh even though I would have been offended if anyone else had said them.

When Nora did get visibly sleepy, both of her grandparents were able to rock her to sleep for a much needed nap!  This is a big success because she is such a jiggle baby that rocking her is usually not very effective.  For me, it is always nice to see how much they adore her and how hard they are willing to work to make her happy.

These two photos of Nora with her Uncle Brian crack me up.  He continues to be baffled by how quickly she can go from happy to screaming for no reason at all!

Cash wanted "green shorts" for Christmas, so I was amused to arrive and find him decked out in Oregon gear from head to toe.  When it came time to get a photo of all three little ones together, we left things up to the most experienced baby wranglers. : )

Here are a few of the cuter shots of Cash, Lily, and Nora I managed to capture.  Cash is so interested in "Baby Nora," and especially considering he spent the rest of the day doing summersaults in a ball pit and running up and down stairs, he was so sweet and patient with her.  Lily doesn't talk much yet, but she always has that curious look on her face like she is trying to take everything in and figure it out.

And here is my favorite one of the three of them.  It's hard to imagine how different they will all look by next Christmas, but I'm sure the time will go quickly.

(Naptime is over so I'll have to finish this later. ) : )

We left Jay and Allen's around 6 in order to accommodate Nora's fairly early bedtime, and it was nice to be home with time to relax in the evening.  She slept on the way home, so she was wide awake for about a half hour after we returned, but that gave us a chance to check in with my family on skype.  Everyone was over at Aunt Carrie and Uncle Steve's for the holiday, so in addition to seeing them online, we also got to briefly chat with Mimi and Papa, Aunt Dana, Aunt Kim, and Uncle Craig.  I know all of us probably spent a fair amount of time throughout the day missing Dad, so it was nice to have the chance to check in with them even though it was brief.  After I got Nora to sleep, I also got to talk to Nate, Ashley, and Mom on the phone before calling it a night fairly early.

Yesterday we got to see our friends Erin and Brent who moved to Syracuse a few years ago.  They're expecting their first child in April, so it was fun to introduce them to Nora and talk about what having a newborn has been like for us.  After they left, Billy's Aunt Kelly, Uncle Frank, and cousins Kristen, Frankie, and Katelyn stopped by to meet Nora for the first time.  Unfortunately, she was pretty well tired out from her exciting weekend by then, so they didn't get to see her at her best, but we are still glad they got to meet her.

Today I have spent most of the day trying to get our overtired little lady to catch up on some sleep so she's not so cranky.  Her fussiness comes and goes now, and some days are much better than others, so we are hoping she'll continue to head in a more positive direction!  Today Vickie turns 24, so we can't wait to see her tomorrow and help celebrate her birthday!

Happy Christmas Eve

Truth be told, I am not feeling a lot of Christmas cheer this year.  I miss my dad.  I am missing my family, even though I didn't consider traveling home because I didn't think I could handle being on the west coast after what the holidays turned into last year.  I am missing Vickie, who has to work through the weekend because she is low woman on the totem pole.

But Billy and Nora are carrying me through, and their love reminds me that future Christmases will be better than this one.  Nora is trying her hardest to keep me out of a funk, even though she doesn't know what Christmas is.

For starters, she looks adorable in the handmade holiday onesies that arrived in the mail from my high school friend, D.  This one is modeled after the White Stag Portland landmark, which dons a red nose every holiday season:

These days, Nora greets me almost every morning with plenty of smiles.  Waking up to this face each day reminds me how much I still have to be thankful for.

And finally, she is getting very vocal and learning how to play.  In this video, you can see her smiles in real time, catch a glimpse of the toy she can now grasp and bring to her mouth, and if you turn up the volume, you can even hear a few coos.  Happy baby= happy mama!



I hope these images of Nora will add some Christmas cheer to your weekend.  And for those of you missing my dad as much as I am, I hope they'll warm your aching heart, at least a little.

Two Month Doctor's Visit and a Big Thank You

Nora had her two month check-up today, but before I get to that, I want to say a sincere thank you to everyone who has encouraged me over the past two months.  Especially after these last few posts, I have been touched by those of you who've reached out to reassure me that I'm doing a good job, to tell me that Nora looks healthy and content, and to compliment me on being a thoughtful, caring mom.  I haven't been around a newborn since I was five, so in the past two months, I've had to teach myself how to breastfeed, soothe a crying baby,  get a baby to sleep, change a diaper, adjust to putting myself second at almost all times, keep functioning on little sleep, and more.  Thankfully, I have a husband living in my house who is learning these things along with me and who still manages to reassure me every day about what a good job I'm doing.  But we are so wrapped up inside this new parenting thing that it is sometimes hard to get our bearings.  It helps more than you might know to be told by experienced parents and non-parents alike that it is clearly evident how hard we are trying to do the best job we can and that we are doing a good job of meeting Nora's needs.

After struggling through my Dad's memorial weekend, I wrote that "When so many well-meaning people asked, Is there anything I can do to help?, I think my usual response was I don't think so.  I really didn't know until afterwards that what I needed most to get through the weekend was understanding, emotional support, and validation of my feelings.  And even if I had known that, I'm not sure I would have known how to ask for it."  Some of you who read this blog have figured out on your own that these are the same things I need as a new mom.  So thank you, truly, for commenting on the blog as well as sending me emails, facebook messages, texts, and more to reassure me.  And if you're looking for a way to help me in the months to come, this kind of positive reinforcement is what I need most.  I am beginning to realize that reassurance and praise are the best things you can give new parents, and I hope to remember that in the future as more and more of my friends have their own first babies.

Nora's two month office visit went off without a hitch.  She is now 21.5" long, keeping her around the 25th percentile for height, and she weighs 11 lbs 4.8 oz, which bumps her up to the 60th percentile for weight.  Our doctor says that she's a bit overweight, but since she is breast feeding there is no reason to be concerned about it.  She had to get her first round of immunizations today, but the help of a speedy tech and her chunky little thighs minimized her discomfort.  She screamed a few times and turned bright red, but as soon as I picked her up, she calmed right down and fell asleep.  Our doctor reiterated that we cannot spoil her at this age, so the best way to help her through this colicky stage is to keep doing what we've been doing.  He says reactions to the vaccines are very rare, so hopefully we will not see him again until Nora's four month check-up.

Maybe the best way to say thank you for your continued love and support is to share more photos of this tiny human I have spent the past two months keeping alive after spending the previous nine months growing her inside my body.  So here are some random recent ones:

She often sticks her bottom lip way out when she gets upset, which I know I did frequently as a pouty child.  Sometimes it stays that way even after I have calmed her to sleep!

I get a lot of these confused expressions when I get out the camera.  What is that giant black thing, Mama, and why are you putting it up to your face?

Watching Dad set up the tree-- It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

I wish this one wasn't so blurry, but sometimes when Nora gets really excited, she smiles and sticks out her tongue.

She moves her hands all around now, and she can bring them to her mouth in a much more coordinated fashion, but she still sometimes looks at them like she doesn't have a clue what they are. 

: )

Also: It's now possible to "like" my posts like you can on facebook, though it is anonymous.  If you want to let me know you enjoyed the post but don't have anything specific to say, you can just click the "like" box beneath each posting.  And finally, I've added a slideshow of Nora's monthday pictures in the sidebar on the blog similar to the one I created for my belly pictures.  Thanks for reading and taking an interest in our little girl!

Nora's 2nd Monthday

Happy 2nd Monthday, Nora! We love you, little one!

Reflections on Month #2:

Nora's first month of life was a complete whirlwind.  She slept a lot, she nursed a lot, she had different visitors almost every day, and it all went by so fast.  I was totally overwhelmed and felt completely clueless.  For a few days right after she turned a month old, she started sleeping well at night and I began to feel like I was getting a handle on this motherhood thing.  Dr. Youn sent us home from Nora's one month visit with a warning about the onset of colic in stable homes and a declaration that we were "too calm for first time parents."  I guess that was the calm before the storm, though it didn't feel like it at the time.

Then RSV hit and brought extreme fussiness along with it.  Life has been tough for Nora this month, and parenthood has been tough for me and Billy.  For several days we were so worried about our little girl that we were holding her around the clock so she could breathe while she slept and so the virus could work its way out of her system.  We were so relieved when she started to feel better, but then she started back in with the fussiness.  Billy got sick himself, and then he returned to work, so he hasn't been able to help as much as he did during month one.  Now that Nora cries so often and we are worried about her getting sick again, we can hardly ever leave the house.  We've learned how much we took for granted during her first month.  Her wakeful hours are more fussy than peaceful now, picking her up no longer calms her down automatically, and riding in the car or stroller no longer puts her to sleep.  She demonstrates all the signs of colic, but I also wonder if her fussiness might be the result of lingering discomfort or anxiety from her bout with RSV.  These fussy spells could end this week, or this month, or next year.  Who knows?

I am fond of saying that life has a way of teaching us the lessons we need to learn, and that if we don't learn them the first time, life will find ways to keep making us face them until we do.  Mostly this belief comes from being old enough to see that most people who act like a**holes end up getting their due if you wait and watch long enough.  But it also comes from knowing what some of my weaknesses are and recognizing the ways that life tries to teach me to overcome them.  For some time now, I've been trying to learn to take things one day at a time without getting too wrapped up in what lies ahead of me.  It seems as though Nora has gotten on board with trying to teach me this lesson.  Despite her fussiness, I love spending this time with her.  I enjoy being here to comfort her when she's upset, and it makes me feel good that I can always get her to calm down.  When she wakes up and smiles at me, and when Billy comes home and smiles at her, those are the best parts of my day.  It's only really when I start thinking about the future that I start to feel overwhelmed.  How long is she going to be like this?  Will we ever be able to go out in public again?  When am I ever going to be able to get any work done?  How am I going to take care of her, prepare for exams, and teach three sections of ENGL222? How will I ever get caught up on everything that is going on out in the world while I'm at home bouncing my baby all day?


Nobody has answers to any of these questions, and I know that the days that I get wrapped up in thinking about them are the days that I feel like I'm ready to snap by about 7pm.  I'm hoping that someday soon I'll be able to put them out of mind and focus completely at doing the best I can on every given day.  Nora is sleeping for good long stretches from about 8 or 9pm to about 3am, so when I lay down at the end of the day, I try to appreciate that she lets me rest at night while storing up energy during that period to deal with the next day's obstacles.

As I've discussed before, Mary Austin writes "a child; any way you get it, a child is good to have, say nature and the Walking Woman."  I know there will be stages of Nora's life where the rewards for taking good care of her will feel more rewarding than "She stopped crying!"  Month two's smiles and coos are already more fun than month one's closed eyelids.  But then again, I probably shouldn't overlook her willingness to stop crying when I try to calm her-- if I can soothe her when she's crying at age 15, it will be an accomplishment indeed!

Dream Visit

Since we lost Dad, I have been undecided about how I would feel about him appearing in my dreams.  I didn't know because with one exception, it hadn't happened.  I wondered if I felt his absence so deep within myself that I couldn't even conjure him up in my imagination.  The one time I did dream him alive, he walked in my front door talking on his iPhone, holding the hand of a three or four year old Vickie with her white blonde hair.  He was talking on the phone, so I waited for him to hang up.  When he did, he said something to me, but I couldn't remember what it was when I woke up.

Dad loved the winter holiday season more than anyone else I know.  Since the decorations started going up and the songs started playing, I've been reminded of him even more than usual.  I've been trying to avoid getting caught up in the thoughts of "one year ago today" because they just depress me.  The end of November is when all the bad things started to happen.  I think that coming up on the holidays and the one year mark has re-opened the wound, but I'm not sure I'm ready to grapple with it, and I have so many other concerns on my mind that I end up feeling numb.

But maybe Dad's goodwill about this time of year explains why he made a cameo in my dream last night.  After a whole series of strange episodes, I found myself in a conference room where Dad was leading a meeting.  He walked up to me, kissed me on the forehead, and said "I'm so sorry I had to leave you."  It didn't make sense in the context of the dream, because he hadn't left anything.  But when I woke up looking at Nora all wrapped up in her little bed, and the memory of that moment from the dream came back to me, I just started to sob.

But it was the good kind of cry.  The dream took me back to the place where the wound was still fresh and real and I hadn't yet had to get used to the idea of living without Dad.  Thank you, brain, for giving me this dream moment right when he was starting to feel so, so far away.  

That was the best dream I've had all year.  I'm so sorry you had to leave, too, Dad.

Ashley sent me this photo today of me, Nate, and Vickie visiting Dad's niche for the first time together during his memorial weekend.  Thank you for taking the picture and for sharing it, Ashley.

Go Navy, Beat Army!

Today Navy beat Army for the tenth year in a row.  The game is always Navy's most important game of the year, but this year it was especially meaningful after the Mids lost to Air Force and failed to qualify for a bowl game for the first time in several seasons.

Nora, Billy, and I headed up to Billy's parents' house, where Vickie joined us to watch the game with Chuck, Patti, and Brian.  Being away from most of my family makes me extra appreciative that Billy's family members are so enthusiastic about welcoming us for all occasions, big and small.  It is heartwarming to see how delighted they are every time they see Nora and it is a big comfort to know that we have so much support from Billy's family as we learn how to be parents.  When Vickie started joining the DePriest gatherings last year, it was hard to imagine how family life in Maryland could get any better, but now that we have Nora, family gatherings are even more enjoyable.

Before Nora was born, I kept my plate so full that I very rarely got to enjoy a relaxing Saturday afternoon on the couch.  Especially during a year when it would be easy to dwell on the negatives, I am thankful for the way pregnancy and parenthood have forced me to slow down enough to recognize how fortunate I am in life's most basic ways.  I'm proud of the many academic and professional achievements I've accomplished, but they wouldn't mean much if I didn't have such wonderful people in my life.  To top it all off, Nora was more content today than she has been since before she got sick, which we hope is a sign of things to come!

Mother/Daughter Bonding

This is a big week in our house because Billy had to return to work on Monday.  After we got up and ready on our first day of mother/daughter bonding, Nora and I took this photo to send to Dad at work and to share with Clara in celebration of her 3rd birthday.

Thankfully, the end of Billy's paternity leave coincided with Nora's nearly complete recovery from RSV.  She's still sneezing a bit, but she's no longer congested and she is sleeping really well.  And as you can see, she is still getting plenty to eat! Not so thankfully, Billy's return to work also coincides with Nora's newly adopted colicky temper tantrums.  She used to fuss infrequently, and when she did, picking her up was enough to calm her down.  Now she can be much more demanding.  Thankfully for me, the fact that she lets me sleep enough at night gives me enough energy and patience to spend most of her waking hours carrying her in her sling and bouncing her on the exercise ball.  Since she was born, I have been surprised by how quickly she goes through different phases, and this is definitely a phase that I hope ends quickly!

On the positive side, though, she's also developing more endearing habits at the same time.  When she wakes up in the morning she usually has a happy, content period of about 30 minutes during which I can fix myself breakfast.  It's fun to interact with her when she's in this mood, but I also enjoy watching her look around and amuse herself while she's sitting in her chair.  She is smiling more than ever and has started making cute little cooing and squeaking noises to accompany her smiles.  It's hard to capture these high points of our days on video, but here is a short clip of one of her more content moments.



Happy or sad, she feels more like our little baby all the time, and we both enjoy greeting Billy when he gets home from work each day!

West Coast Visitors

This post is seriously late.  I planned to write about each visit after they happened, but the right words wouldn't come.  Then I hoped to write about how thankful I was for the visits and post it on Thanksgiving, but Nora's illness interfered.  I still don't feel like I've got it quite right, but here goes--

When I was an enamored 21 year old who chose to move to the east coast because she could hardly stand an 8 week separation from her boyfriend, I wasn't capable of fully reckoning with the consequences this decision would entail.  I was used to being away from home.  Portland was "just a plane flight away."  Children seemed a long way off.  Cancer was still something that didn't happen to my family.  Since I've been living here, though, I've realized that even though there was so much to gain by moving east, there was still plenty to be lost.  The older I get, and the more I accomplish, the more I wish I could spend more time with my family.  I could not believe my good fortune in 2007 when so many of my west coast family members travelled east to attend our wedding.  I was thrilled that they got to experience that milestone with me and got to see what my life was like here.

I wasn't sure when my family members would come to see Nora.  Babies don't really do anything.  Maybe they would want to save their visits for after her personality began to develop.  But they couldn't stay away.  To say that I have been touched by the welcome my west coast family members gave Nora when she was born is an understatement.  But I don't know any better way to explain how I felt about it.

My mom planned to arrive on Nora's due date, and I will always remember that when Nora came early, she said waiting to come was "killing her."  Thankfully, with some encouragement from my brother, she decided to make the trip a few days early and was able to stay in town for two full weeks. She crocheted Nora a blanket.  She gave Oscar some much needed attention while he was ailing.  She held Nora so I could get some rest.  She told me stories about when I was a baby.  She encouraged me as I began to find my way.  And in those vital first two weeks of breastfeeding, she assured me I was doing fine, that I would get the hang of it, and that the initial frustration and difficulty would fade away.

Mom, thank you for being here.  Thank you for helping me learn how to be a good mom, both before and since Nora joined our family.  In the years to come, I hope she will learn to appreciate as much as I do the sacrifices you made in order to welcome her into the world.

My brother arrived on the same day my mom left and stayed for a week and a half.  While he was here, Nora went from being a baby that slept all the time to one that wanted to be held all the time.  He was also here for her first growth spurt, and during those difficult few days, he gave us the gift of reminding us to laugh.  I knew Nate was excited about Nora's arrival, but seeing the affection in his eyes when he held her made me realize what a significant thing I had done just by having her.  Nate reassured us every day that we were doing a great job as parents.  He got Billy to take a break from being home all the time to attend Louis C.K. and joined Billy's family for the last Navy game.  He took video of the time he, Vickie, Billy, Nora, and I spent around the house that I'll cherish forever.  He reminded me how thrilled my dad would have been about our baby, both by saying it and by loving her in the same ways Dad would have.

Nate, thank you for being here.  Thank you for loving me and my daughter more than I ever knew a brother/uncle could.  Thank you for reassuring me that I can learn to be successful even in circumstances that are not within my complete control.

My grandparents arrived in time to help celebrate Nora's first monthday.  Doing so meant these seasoned motorhome travelers had to make travel and flight arrangements from the other side of the country and learn to navigate a densely populated metropolitan area to see use each day.  The joy Mimi and Papa took in meeting their first great grandchild also helped me to see that Nora means as much to our whole family as she means to me.  They reminded me how excited Dad had been when I was born and helped me to feel his excitement about Nora's birth even though he is not here to experience it.  They told me stories about when he was a baby and we talked about how parenting has changed in the past 50 years and how it has stayed the same.  They assured us that since Nora was so healthy and happy we must be doing a great job as her parents.  When we dropped them off at the hotel before they left, Papa opened Nora's door to tell her "Goodbye, Little Missy," which I know is exactly what my dad would have said in the same circumstance.

Mimi and Papa, thank you for being here.  Thank you for reminding me and teaching Nora how well we are loved from afar.  Thank you for helping us to appreciate how precious a new life is and how much happiness it can bring to an entire family.

Thank you all for coming to us.  I can't wait until Nora is big enough to travel West so she can see the places that shaped me and meet all the people who have been unable to visit but have found other ways to show their love for us.

Locks of Love

I've been growing out my hair for several years with the eventual intention of cutting it all off and donating it to Locks of Love, a non-profit organization that makes wigs for children in need.  I didn't want to cut it while I was pregnant because I was afraid my face would get chubby and short hair would only accentuate it, but once I had Nora and my hair started coming out in clumps, I decided it was time to make the change.  Locks of Love requires that you send in a ponytail at least 10" long in order to use it to make the wigs, so it's a pretty significant difference.  Here are some photos of the chop:

Before:

After:

I've had a haircut similar to this in the past, and I've worn my hair short for most of my life, so this feels like less of a change than it otherwise might.  My hair is always thick and healthy and pregnancy made it even more so, but so far I don't miss it at all.  It's much less work like this and it's hard to regret shipping off that hair to make a wig for a little kid who suffers from a disease that causes long term hair loss.  After fighting an unruly mane for my whole life and fighting pregnancy hormones for nine months, it feels good to put those things to good use!