Nora's 2nd Monthday

Happy 2nd Monthday, Nora! We love you, little one!

Reflections on Month #2:

Nora's first month of life was a complete whirlwind.  She slept a lot, she nursed a lot, she had different visitors almost every day, and it all went by so fast.  I was totally overwhelmed and felt completely clueless.  For a few days right after she turned a month old, she started sleeping well at night and I began to feel like I was getting a handle on this motherhood thing.  Dr. Youn sent us home from Nora's one month visit with a warning about the onset of colic in stable homes and a declaration that we were "too calm for first time parents."  I guess that was the calm before the storm, though it didn't feel like it at the time.

Then RSV hit and brought extreme fussiness along with it.  Life has been tough for Nora this month, and parenthood has been tough for me and Billy.  For several days we were so worried about our little girl that we were holding her around the clock so she could breathe while she slept and so the virus could work its way out of her system.  We were so relieved when she started to feel better, but then she started back in with the fussiness.  Billy got sick himself, and then he returned to work, so he hasn't been able to help as much as he did during month one.  Now that Nora cries so often and we are worried about her getting sick again, we can hardly ever leave the house.  We've learned how much we took for granted during her first month.  Her wakeful hours are more fussy than peaceful now, picking her up no longer calms her down automatically, and riding in the car or stroller no longer puts her to sleep.  She demonstrates all the signs of colic, but I also wonder if her fussiness might be the result of lingering discomfort or anxiety from her bout with RSV.  These fussy spells could end this week, or this month, or next year.  Who knows?

I am fond of saying that life has a way of teaching us the lessons we need to learn, and that if we don't learn them the first time, life will find ways to keep making us face them until we do.  Mostly this belief comes from being old enough to see that most people who act like a**holes end up getting their due if you wait and watch long enough.  But it also comes from knowing what some of my weaknesses are and recognizing the ways that life tries to teach me to overcome them.  For some time now, I've been trying to learn to take things one day at a time without getting too wrapped up in what lies ahead of me.  It seems as though Nora has gotten on board with trying to teach me this lesson.  Despite her fussiness, I love spending this time with her.  I enjoy being here to comfort her when she's upset, and it makes me feel good that I can always get her to calm down.  When she wakes up and smiles at me, and when Billy comes home and smiles at her, those are the best parts of my day.  It's only really when I start thinking about the future that I start to feel overwhelmed.  How long is she going to be like this?  Will we ever be able to go out in public again?  When am I ever going to be able to get any work done?  How am I going to take care of her, prepare for exams, and teach three sections of ENGL222? How will I ever get caught up on everything that is going on out in the world while I'm at home bouncing my baby all day?


Nobody has answers to any of these questions, and I know that the days that I get wrapped up in thinking about them are the days that I feel like I'm ready to snap by about 7pm.  I'm hoping that someday soon I'll be able to put them out of mind and focus completely at doing the best I can on every given day.  Nora is sleeping for good long stretches from about 8 or 9pm to about 3am, so when I lay down at the end of the day, I try to appreciate that she lets me rest at night while storing up energy during that period to deal with the next day's obstacles.

As I've discussed before, Mary Austin writes "a child; any way you get it, a child is good to have, say nature and the Walking Woman."  I know there will be stages of Nora's life where the rewards for taking good care of her will feel more rewarding than "She stopped crying!"  Month two's smiles and coos are already more fun than month one's closed eyelids.  But then again, I probably shouldn't overlook her willingness to stop crying when I try to calm her-- if I can soothe her when she's crying at age 15, it will be an accomplishment indeed!