One of Ours

Billy's grandfather, who we all call Pop, passed away on Saturday. He has been battling serious health problems for about two years now, and although the family members were all aware that this day was not far off, I don't think you can really prepare for losing a loved one.I feel terrible for Billy, who was really close to his grandfather. I've always loved hearing stories about the goofy things Pop did when Billy was growing up. It's awful to know that your husband is hurting, but there isn't anything you can do to help.

I can't imagine how hard this is for Patti, who has done everything she can for her dad her whole life, but especially these past two years. I know Pop was very appreciative of all the ways she and Chuck took care of him on a daily basis since he has needed medical attention. I hope that once her heartache is not so raw, Patti will be able to recognize that she helped keep her dad alive these past two years, which gave him the chance to see his great-grandson and enjoy several "extra" family gatherings.

My heart breaks for MomMom. She and Pop had been married 54 years. She has a large, supportive family, and I hope that in time she will find strength in them. But it must have been almost impossible to wake up this morning and know she had to face the first day without her partner.

As for me, I'll miss my friend. A few weeks after I moved out here, the family went to the Maryland State Fair. Everyone was walking quickly from place to place, and I felt bad leaving Pop behind, so I was walking in the back with him. From that point on, he was my buddy. At the large family gatherings that overwhelmed me for years, I always felt better if I could find a seat near Pop, because he would make jokes to me that nobody else could hear. He made me feel like part of the family right from the beginning. When I showed him the engagement ring Billy gave me, he said "I taught him right." One time we were talking about weddings, and Pop said he said he always knew Billy was going to marry me, and when I jokingly asked him if that was good news or bad news, he said he knew I was the right girl as soon as he met me. When he came to visit our house the first time, he asked me if he could move in. When Oscar was a puppy, and demonstrated his worst behavior whenever we had visitors, Pop always said "He's a good dog, Will." As it turns out, he was right. One time I was driving Pop to the store, and he decided that we should take a trip to Florida instead of driving back to the house. I said MomMom and Billy would probably miss us, and he said "They'd live." He always knew just what to say to get me to crack up laughing. Even when he was in the hospital he was always joking and laughing with the nurses and telling me if they'd given him pretty ones or not.

Life simply won't be the same without him around. Last night, Patti said something that I think sums it up best, when she said "Part of him is in each of you."

Although I wasn't in much of a competitive mood, I still decided to run the Army Ten Miler this morning. Billy was kind enough to come along and cheer me on. I crossed the finish line 11669th out of 21289 finishers, which was good enough to place 3801st out of 9566 women. I didn't set a personal record, and was about 3 minutes slower than my goal time, but I still enjoyed being out there with 30,000 people to support military families. I was thinking about my own favorite military family, the Hoffmanns (recently photographed here). It was cool to see people in shirts with pictures and names of the deployed friends and family members they were running for. A few groups of women were in matching outfits, with what must have been their husbands' names on the back. Several soldiers that had been wounded in action participated in the race, too. My husband managed to get a picture of me as I ran by him, smiling because I was halfway done and excited that I had found him in the crowd.


Whether it's the death of a loved one, or budget cuts, or unexpected hills at mile 9, I'm always thankful that I've found a man who makes the tough moments in life more managable. Popular music would have you believe that love is a battlefield, but with Billy, love means having a soft place to land. He's named after Pop, and I know that in many ways, he is his grandfather's grandson. I hope I get to keep my partner for 50+ years.

(The book referenced in the title is One of Ours by Willa Cather, a novel about life in the midwest, military service, and the loss of a family member.)