The Portrait of a Lady

My PhD application has been submitted!!! It is now officially out of my hands. Last I heard, there have been more than 200 applications submitted for a mere 6 spots.

All along, I have been repeating to myself (and Billy has been repeating to me) that all I could do was my best. I knew that in order to not feel like a failure, whether I am accepted or not, I would have to do everything I possibly could to strengthen my application. I can honestly say that I've done that, and that I believe my writing sample represents the best work I have done yet. In the future, I won't have to look back and think, "If I had only..."

So now, the waiting game begins. Last year, they notified accepted students on February 12.

I thought those of you who have followed along on this journey with me might like to read my "personal statement," which I had to submit to explain why I wanted to apply to the program. I paste that here for those who may be interested. I only ask that if you find any mistakes, you kindly never bring them to my attention. : ) How do you sum yourself up in fewer than 2000 words? This was the best I could do.

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In the final semester of my undergraduate program, I enrolled in a course called “Literature of the Great War.” I began to recognize that the post-war period was a remarkable time of literary production during which literature played an important role in the cultures of the countries involved. I couldn’t help feeling disappointed, though, that the only women’s works we read were a few excerpts from a collection titled Women’s Writing of the First World War, and that from the collection, my professor chose European women’s works exclusively. I began asking the types of questions then that continue to engage me now, five years later. What did the Great War mean to women who were U.S. Citizens? Why does there seem to be an assumption that women who were not in the trenches did not “experience” the war? How did American women represent their own war experiences in fiction? In what ways might the works of these women have influenced the lives of both men and women living in the United States? After teaching high school English for four years, I enrolled in graduate school to enhance my literary studies education and to return to working with these questions. I hope to have the opportunity to continue investigating this line of inquiry as a doctoral student at the University of Maryland.

Thinking through these questions about women's literature of the Great War has been one focus of my studies as a Master's student here at Maryland. In my first two semesters, I researched and wrote about Charlotte Perkins Gilman's Herland, the character of Éowyn in J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings, and Willa Cather's The Professor's House. Herland, written in 1915, depicts an all-female utopia that can be seen as Gilman's response to the conflict of the Great War, but the novel is not given much academic attention. I would like to begin working with other women writers whose work enjoyed wide readership after the war but is now rarely read, including the fiction written by Cather's good friend, Dorothy Canfield Fisher. Very few articles about Éowyn have been published, but by including her in his mythology, Tolkien demonstrates an understanding of how British women wrote about their Great War experiences. Working with these texts has encouraged me to consider the ways in which gender functions within these types of works and also how gender has impacted their critical reception. Cather's The Professor's House has helped me take my interest in “war” texts and extend it into considering questions about representation and aesthetics.

I have also begun conducting research about Katherine Anne Porter, whose depiction of the Great War in Pale Horse, Pale Rider motivated me to study her at more length. Within the University’s Katherine Anne Porter Collection, I have thus far focused on reading the marginalia Porter wrote in her books about the Great War and those written by Cather. Porter published writings about Cather and both World Wars, and I have found that her marginalia elaborates in interesting ways upon the attitudes she documented in print. The collection's curator, Dr. Beth Alvarez, has been enthusiastic about helping me with this research. I anticipate that Porter will be an important figure in the work I'd like to do concerning women's Great War writing, and acceptance into the doctoral program at Maryland would allow me to continue working with Dr. Alvarez to conduct research on Porter that cannot be done anywhere else.

While I continue to focus on the ways women wrote about the Great War, I have also endeavored to ensure that my literary studies education is comprehensive. In addition to pursuing classes that meet the M.A. distribution requirements, I enrolled in the Introduction to the Discipline course that Dr. Chuh began offering this year. Learning about the concerns that are currently driving research in our professors' various specialties has helped me to think about ways that my work can engage with other fields. Dr. Kirschenbaum's presentation, in particular, has encouraged me to find out how I might be able to incorporate the Digital Humanities into my own research. I have also focused on strengthening my understanding of critical and literary theory, to which I had very little exposure as an undergraduate. In my first semester, I took English 602 with Dr. Chuh, which helped me establish a general foundation in critical theory and literary criticism across different time periods. I have enrolled in the Critical Theory Colloquium for the past two semesters, and I intend to continue participating in this conversation as long as I am a student at Maryland. It has helped me begin to "think more theoretically" and has exposed me to the theoretical approaches that other graduate students are working with on campus. In my second semester, I took Cultures of Theory with Dr. Richardson and developed an interest in narrative theory that has also helped me to engage literary texts with new perspectives. The Aesthetic Inquiry seminar I am taking this semester with Dr. Chuh attracted me, in part, because of its engagement with theoretical texts. I have always been a careful close reader and have enjoyed conducting secondary research. By studying critical and narrative theory, I am challenging myself to apply those skills to the consideration of questions that are larger than the scope of a single novel or time period.

The writing sample I am submitting, Seeking a Sensible Memorial, represents the various concerns I have been pursuing as a graduate student. After writing about Cather's The Professor's House last spring, I began researching the correlation between this novel and Cather’s earlier “war” novel, One of Ours, with the guidance of Dr. Mallios. During Dr. Chuh's seminar, I decided to apply theoretical pressure to the conclusions I was forming about these two texts. The end result, I believe, demonstrates the ways in which my engagement with historical research and critical theory allows me to examine and interpret literary texts in original ways. I am very excited about my findings, but because I have been working on this paper all semester, the feedback I've gotten from professors has been limited to the conversations I've had with them about my project. I intend to use the criticism Dr. Chuh and Dr. Mallios provide to develop this writing sample into my Master’s writing project. While I believe I've identified a plausible explanation for why Cather changes her artistic techniques from one novel to the next, I hope to examine in more depth how her gender and the stereotypes of narratives written by women versus narratives written by men might have informed this decision. Although I have not yet had the chance to study with Dr. Lindemann, who has been on leave this semester, her writings on Cather have helped to inform my own perspective, so I hope to have the opportunity to work with her in the future, as well.

While strengthening my own education has been the focus of much of my graduate study, I am also deeply devoted to the practice of teaching. I genuinely enjoyed the four years I spent as a high school English teacher in southern Maryland, and I left the profession only because the state's testing requirements interfered with my ability to choose my own teaching methods. I care a great deal about ethical pedagogy, and it became increasingly difficult for me to stand in front of students and ask them to memorize only those skills that would be assessed on the state test. I believe my teaching experience has given me a perspective on literary studies that enhances my thinking and forces me to constantly consider the implications of different teaching practices. I am deeply invested in developing new and better ways to illuminate the subject matter for my students while encouraging them to think critically. These interactions with my students also further my own intellectual development. Taking Approaches to College Composition in my first semester helped me begin to think about the ways I can apply my teaching experience to the college classroom. I am confident that teaching within the First Year Writing Program and working with the faculty members here at Maryland would be invaluable to me as I move forward in my career as an educator.

Since I began thinking about applying to the Ph.D. program, I have taken advantage of every opportunity I could find in order to ensure that this was best "next step" for me. In addition to my Katherine Anne Porter research, and the non-required courses in which I have enrolled, I have been working on branching out within the academic community. Dr. Flieger suggested that I consider seeking publication for my seminar paper, so as a first step, I submitted it to the CUNY Graduate Center’s conference for consideration. Dr. Richardson also recommended that I revise the paper I wrote in his class for publication, and I was pleased that it was accepted for the Publications Workshop this semester. Being the only MA student in a workshop with Dr. Auerbach and peers who are several years farther along in their studies has been a remarkable opportunity to become a stronger thinker and writer. The International Society for the Study of Narrative has already accepted this paper for presentation at their yearly conference this spring, and I have also submitted it to the GEO conference for consideration. I intend to use the very helpful feedback provided by Dr. Auerbach and my classmates to help me revise the paper over the winter break so that it is ready to be presented and submitted for publication.

It has also been important to me to make sure Maryland was a place where I wanted to continue to study. To this end, I accepted the GEO President's request to serve as one of the graduate student Departmental Assembly representatives, and I have attended every meeting the graduate program has held about the future of the department and the program. These meetings have given me faith in the graduate program, because despite the obstacles it currently faces, I am convinced that the faculty members are deeply committed to preserving its integrity. My positive interactions with professors both in my courses and in my work as a Graduate Assistant in the Main English Office also persuade me that Maryland will continue to be an excellent place at which to study English.

All of these pursuits have placed significant demands upon my time beyond the hours I've devoted to the rigorous workload I carry as a Maryland M.A. student. I always feel like there is more work to do than time in which to do it, but these endeavors continue to reaffirm my conviction that I want pursue my Ph.D. here. Rather than wishing I had less work to do, I always find myself wishing I had more time to do the work that sustains me. I sincerely believe it is a privilege to be an English graduate student, particularly at the University of Maryland, and I have always taken that privilege very seriously. I hope I have demonstrated through my commitment to thinking, learning, researching, and teaching that I am qualified to continue my studies as a doctoral student.

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(The Portrait of a Lady is Henry James's story of a young American woman trying to find her way in Europe. I knew things did not turn out well for her, so I did not expect to like it, but I loved it. Thanks, Dr. Auchard.)