Nora is sleeping in this morning. I hope it is not illness related! I've already gotten up, showered, gotten ready, made my grocery list, eaten breakfast, and packed my lunch. These things all go so much faster when she is not toddling around at my feet or clamoring for my attention. I had forgotten about that.
This gives me a chance to sit down with my coffee (which for once is in a real mug, not a travel mug!) to see how far I can get in the blog post I've been milling over in my mind for the past few days before she wakes or I have to wake her.
I can barely remember when I used to have down time. Graduate school has a way of making you feel like you should treat every minute away from work like it is precious... but because I'm me, it also has a way of making me feel like I can't afford to spare any minute away. Nonetheless, I did try to make a conscientious effort to take time off once in a while. These days, my "time off" from school is spent mothering. And my "time off" from mothering is spent doing school work. I don't know quite how to find much time for myself in between. To be fair, I don't need much time to myself. If I have to split my time between two things, these are the two things I most want to be doing. But when I put her down to sleep at night, and begin the effort to force myself to get back to work, I am envious of Billy, who gets to spend his evenings watching the Orioles, even though I am reminded every Wednesday, when I work at a desk for a mere five hours, that his work is no joke.
But I also know I cannot sit still to save my life. In the downtime I do allow myself, I've been working on a quilt for Nora. Two Mondays ago I gave myself a "me" day, which meant I watched Mad Men guilt free before spending the entire day running errands. Maybe I am nostalgic for time to sit and "do nothing" not so much because my life doesn't allow me the time to do it, but because "doing nothing" is a state that seems appealing and yet has never really been a part of my life.
I don't know. But Nora is peeping away on the other side of the wall, so I don't have a chance to think about it any further. Isn't it nice how happy she wakes up when she sleeps long enough, rather than insisting on waking up just because she can tell there's activity going on in the house?
This blog post was also supposed to include this detail, which I didn't work in: I am thankful for audio books for allowing me to reclaim my commute. My trip to the library to grade on Monday also yielded me the chance to peruse the books on CD selections, so I'm currently listening to A Hologram for the King by Dave Eggers. This is a book I never, ever would have had a chance to read otherwise. If you are ever trying to think of a gift for me, take yourself on over to audible.com.
I often find myself nostalgic for things that never were. Like simpler, slower, better rested, less restless, with more time and desire to sit outside and just let my brain rest and drink in sunshine. I get what you mean here though, because, even on my best day and as much as I long for it, that's also just not me.
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