High Fidelity

Before I left campus for "spring break" yesterday, my director stopped by to tell me she had changed my the status of my application from "wait list" to "admit list" and I would receive my official notification from the grad school in the next few days.

I GOT IN!!!!! Show them how it feels, Melanie:

When my director told me I was now "admitted," my first reaction was to be completely stunned. My brain went absolutely blank, and she kept talking to me, but I could not process anything she said. I believe I just kept saying "wow" and "okay" until my brain finally caught up again and I could talk to her about it.

Since finding out, I have felt: stunned, overwhelmed, proud, relieved, humbled, and excited. Those of us who work with words everyday are aware, though, that words can never adequately express feelings. I used to tell my high school students that there was no better feeling in the world than to work really hard for something and then to accomplish it. I should have added that the feeling is even better when your family and friends have offered you unwavering support throughout the process.

Everyone keeps telling me I "earned" it, and I believe you are all right, but I know that it is something I never could have done on my own. So thank you, everyone, for believing in me enough to carry me through those moments when I doubted myself. I know I will need that kind of encouragement over the next four years if I am going to be successful at finishing this degree.

Oscar helped me celebrate in my Maryland sweatshirt. (Don't mind his demon eyes.)

Billy helped me celebrate with a bottle of champagne. We drank it out of the flutes my dad gave us as an engagement gift, which we also used at our wedding. I want to thank my husband most of all because he is here every. single. day. to stabilize me, coax me through the periodic breakdowns, help me pay the bills, fold the laundry while I might spend an hour staring at the same sentence, and remind me that everyone needs to take a break once in a while.

So now I can take in a deep breath, let out a sigh of relief, and spend the next week working on my Cather project and watching Indian Wells. The girls and I also have another blog project in the works that I can't wait to announce!

(High Fidelity is a novel by Nick Hornby. The main character owns a record shop, so the title refers to the reproduction of sounds, but he is also trying to make a romantic relationship work, so the title also suggests a level of intense devotion. I think my commitment to earning a spot in the PhD program could be described as "high fidelity." Furthermore, High Fidelity is my favorite read-for-pleasure book and this is now my favorite blog post. I loved the movie version, too, even though it takes the story out of London and places it in Chicago.)